


you and me we last forever

by momentsintimex



Series: all of my wrongs they led me right to you [3]
Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: Don't copy to another site, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2020-02-10 11:08:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 85,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18659224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momentsintimex/pseuds/momentsintimex
Summary: a series of one-shots of moments following the wedding of Lara Jean Song-Covey and Peter Kavinsky





	1. it won't be like this for long

**Author's Note:**

> title of this fic is from Take The World by Johnnyswim :)

_Two months old_

“Do you want to dance with Daddy? Will that make you fall asleep?”

Peter cradles two month old Emmi against his chest, large hand resting across the back of her head as he walks over to his phone, scrolling through his playlist.

“Peter, it’s almost 4 in the morning. She needs to go to sleep,” Juliet mumbles from the bed. Her arm wraps around her pillow, hooded eyes watching the scene in the dim light from the floor lamp in the corner of their cramped apartment.

“You fed her, we changed her, it wasn’t any of that,” He whispers, bouncing Emmi gently as he stops on _I Don’t Want to Miss A Thing_ by Aerosmith. “Maybe if I just sway to the music she’ll fall asleep.”

Juliet snickers at his song choice, curling further under the blankets. “She’s your problem to deal with if she doesn’t go to sleep for the rest of the night. But just remember we both have work in the morning,” She mumbles through a yawn, but Peter’s already hit play on the song and begun swaying around his side of the bed, Emmi tucked against his chest, her torso the size of his hand.

“Daddy’s always going to dance with you when you’re upset or you can’t sleep, baby. I’m always going to be here for you. Through everything,” He murmurs against Emmi’s ear. His hand strokes her peach fuzz covered head, and by the time the song is over Emmi is almost asleep, eyes popping open when the music shuts off.

And so he hits repeat, glancing at his girlfriend who’s fallen back to sleep, and sways around the room more. “I know we may not have a lot right now, and I know that it’s going to take some time before we have some space, but I’m going to do the best that I can for you,” He whispers.

He blinks rapidly, forcing himself to stay awake. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, kiddo. Even if you rob me of my precious sleep. Even when you can’t tell us what you want so we can give it to you.”

Emmi stirs against his chest, yawning widely before settling back down, eyes fluttering closed. And as the song ends and Peter moves to stop it, he gently lays his newborn child down in the bassinet closest to Juliet.

“Always here for daddy dances when you need them,” He whispers, kissing the top of her head. “Love you forever.”

_______________________________

_Age 2_

In an ideal world, Peter would be married to Juliet.

They’d have at least a two bedroom apartment, stable jobs to be able to afford more, and plans for the future.

Instead he’s 48 hours into living back with his mom. One week removed from Juliet leaving with a note left on her pillow and her belongings gone. One week since his world was flipped upside down.

It’s temporary, the living situation. He already had a job interview lined up in the city for the following day, one that his former colleague had helped him get when he announced he was moving back home for family reasons.

The faster he got a job, the faster he could support he and Emmi in their own place.

He and Emmi are crammed into his childhood bedroom, a mattress on the floor in the corner serving as Emmi’s makeshift bed. She constantly asked when Mommy was coming to stay with them, when they’d be able to sleep together. When they were going home.

But she was 2. So she didn’t understand that her mom wasn’t coming back, that they wouldn’t be going back home. That this was their temporary normal, just until Peter could get them back on their feet and settled into their new home.

And so when Emmi is hysterical at 2 in the morning to the point where Peter is afraid she’s going to wake up Owen and his mom with her sobbing, Peter stands up out of bed bleary eyed and terrified about the days ahead, and walks down the hall to the living room with his daughter in his arms, tears collecting on his t-shirt.

“Em, baby, I know you’re sad,” He soothes, rubbing her back as he paces the room. “But you have to calm down, my love. You’re going to make yourself sick.”

“Want Mommy,” Emmi blubbers, sending off another round of sobs as her head buries into his t-shirt.

Peter isn’t sure his heart can break anymore than it has. If it’ll ever repair itself at this point, if it’ll ever give him the chance to heal. He’s so exhausted and confused and really feels like crying himself, and there are no words that spring to his mind that tell him how to comfort his daughter who doesn’t understand that her mom is never coming back.

“Want to dance with Daddy?” He asks, already pulling his phone from the pocket of his pajama pants. “Want to dance and breathe and calm down?”

Emmi sniffles, shoving her thumb in her mouth and nodding. And so Peter scrolls, finding their song and turning it on, adjusting the volume so it’s just loud enough for the two of them to hear.

Around the coffee table he dances, one hand resting under his daughter, the other rubbing her back. She’s pressed against him, hiccuping as she calms down, but she’s no longer crying.

He hums along to the song until it ends, walking back over to his phone to shut it off when Emmi doesn’t whine, indicating she’s fallen asleep. And when he turns around and sees his mom there, it’s almost enough to make him jump out of his skin and wake her up all over again.

“I heard her crying, and then I heard you bring her down the hall. When I didn’t hear you come back I figured I would come make sure you were okay.”

Peter frowns, shoving his phone back into his pocket. “Did she wake you up? I really tried to get her down the hall before she woke you or Owen up.”

“She didn’t, sweetheart. I got up to go to the bathroom,” His mom smiles. She steps down into the family room, sitting down on the edge of the sofa. “She okay?”

“She’s asleep now,” He sighs, carefully sitting down on the chair. “But she woke up screaming and nothing I could do would settle her down. She just keeps asking for Jules. Every single time she wakes up hysterical, she wants her.”

His mom sighs but doesn’t say anything at first, and somehow that makes Peter feel worse.

“I know she doesn’t understand now, but one day she will. And she’ll remember all those nights you were up with her,” His mom says softly. “And she will get used to this. She’ll get used to Juliet being gone and eventually she’ll stop waking up and asking.”

“I don’t want her to have to get used to this,” Peter stresses. His voice is strained, quickly shaking his head as his hand rests on his daughter’s back. “I don’t want her to have to grow up without her mom the way I grew up without Dad.”

His mom’s lips twitch into a frown, hands folded together in her lap. “I know you don’t, sweetheart. But it’s going to be okay. You and Owen turned out okay, right?”  
Peter nods, smiling. “We turned out more than okay,” He agrees, sinking back against the back of the chair and listening to his daughter’s breath heavy against his chest for a moment.

“How long were you watching us?”

His mom smiles, wrapping her robe around her middle. “Enough to see you dancing with her for a while.”

Peter feels his cheeks flush, shaking his head. “I didn’t notice.”

“It worked,” She smiles. “How long have you been doing that with her?”

“Since she was a few months old,” Peter admits. “I don’t know, it’s always just calmed her down. And so I kept doing it.”

“It’s still working,” She says, nodding towards the little girl passed out on his chest, drool spot appearing underneath her cheek on his shirt.

“Gonna keep doing it then,” He mumbles, yawning and slowly standing up. “I’m gonna go put her back down and get some sleep. Big interview tomorrow.”

His mom follows suit, shutting the light off in the living room and following him back to bed. And as he turns in his doorway to look at her with dark circles under his eyes and his daughter asleep on his shoulder, he manages to give her the smallest of smiles.

“Thank you for letting us stay here,” He whispers, and at any other time of the day his mom wouldn’t be on the verge of tears.

But now she is, reaching out and resting her hand on his forearm, squeezing gently. “Always, my love,” She whispers. “You’ll be back on your feet soon, but until then I’m going to be right here.”

He nods, swallowing the lump in his throat and blowing her a kiss before turning back into his bedroom. He shuts the door quietly, gently kneeling down and setting Emmi on her makeshift bed, her fingers curling around her blanket the second Peter places it in between her arm.

He stares at her for a moment, the way her lips are parted and her eyelashes flutter against her cheeks, and he wonders how he got so lucky to be a dad to her. And while it’s not easy right now and it probably won’t be for a while, he knows they’ll be okay.

He kisses her forehead softly, standing up and moving back to his bed quietly, and lays there staring at her through the moonlight streaming through the windows. And for however many more sleepless nights the two of them will endure together, he hopes that dancing with him will always work, even when she’s a teenager.

_______________________________

_Age 5_

Emmi is the most confident child Peter has ever come across.

She’s a ball of sass and confidence and hilarity all wrapped up into a 5 year old’s body, and most days Peter finds himself laughing at her antics more days than he doesn’t as they sit in their tiny apartment on the final few weeks of summer.

So when he starts bringing up school and how excited she is to be starting kindergarten, he worries when she goes uncharacteristically quiet. Answers go from long, run-on sentences to one word. She lets her head fall, her smile falters, and quietly the fears begin to show on her face.

It’s the most evident on her final day of summer, where Emmi spends the day playing in the pool and successfully avoiding any school planning, and Peter knows he needs to talk to her about things. He needs to reassure her that everything is going to be okay, even if it’s more for his peace of mind than hers.

So he bathes her and brushes through her curls until the knots come undone, and then when they’re laying in her bed after reading three books, he holds her close and savors the moment. “Emmi, are you nervous about school tomorrow?”

The silence is deafening, especially when it’s coming from a 5 year old who never stops talking. He can hear her breathing, feels the way she wraps her arm a little tighter around his torso, pulling herself closer. Her hair is damp against his t-shirt, her body is teetering on the edge of sleep, and she doesn’t have an immediate answer for his question.

“What if I don’t make any friends?” She finally says quietly. There’s fear etched through her words, voice quiet as she rests her head against his chest. “I don’t know anyone, Daddy. What if no one wants to sit with me or play with me? And I’m all alone?”

Peter opens his mouth to reply immediately. He plans on saying the normal dad things. She’s going to make a million friends, everyone is going to love her. People will play with her, she shouldn’t worry about all of this. But he doesn’t know that for sure, and if there’s one thing he doesn’t want to do, it’s lie to her. He knows what it’s like to be lied to by his dad, and if he can protect Emmi from ever feeling like that, he’s going to.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow,” He begins, fingers tracing patterns along her back. “But I know that if you’re really nice like you always are, people are going to want to be your friend. And you know how to share, right?”

She nods, bringing her fingers up to her mouth to suck on.

“If you share and you’re polite and you look out for people who may not be as excited as you, I bet you that you’re going to make so many friends.”

It doesn’t feel right from the minute he says it. There’s this anxiety bubbling in his chest, leaving him confused and scared and maybe even like he should take it all back and just promise her that she’s going to make a million friends and this is a silly thing to be worried about.

But he can’t do that, because that would be lying to her and it could make things so much worse.

“Do you remember when you first started preschool? And you were scared about me leaving you and you not knowing anyone?”

“Yeah, but then I met Aiden and Brielle,” She says softly, words forming around her fingers.

Peter smiles, pulling her fingers from her mouth and looking down at her. “Kindergarten is going to be like that. You made friends in preschool, so you can make them now.”

Emmi smiles, nodding as she shifts to look up at him. “And you’re going to walk me into my classroom? So I don’t get lost?”

Peter smiles, smoothing his hand across her damp hair as he nods. “Right. I’ll walk you in the first few days, and then you can walk in yourself.”

Emmi seems to be thinking it all over, bottom lip pulled between her teeth as she sighs. “I think I can do it,” She says, and then nods as if it’ll give her all the confidence in the world. “But I have one more question.”

Peter raises his eyebrows, watching as Emmi twists until she’s on her belly and then pushes herself to sit up on her knees.

“Can we dance together? Right now?”

The smile on Peter’s face grows, nodding as he digs for his phone in his pocket. “You know we can,” He says, sliding off the bed as Emmi follows suit, watching him set his phone down on her bookshelf as the song begins to play.

Emmi steps onto his feet, laughing as he twirls them around the room. They dance to the song together, laughter filling her bedroom instead of fear, and by the time the song is almost over Emmi is sitting in his arms, head resting on his shoulder.

“We’re always going to dance together, right kid?” He asks once they’ve settled down and Emmi’s breathing steadies against his neck.

Slowly she nods, yawning and burrowing her head into the crook of his neck, smiling. “Forever and ever, Daddy,” She replies quietly.

Peter lets the song play again on repeat, swaying around the room until Emmi’s breathing is even and steady against his shoulder. Carefully he lays her down, tucks her underneath the blanket and kisses her forehead, creeping out of the room before she wakes up again.

He lays awake that night thinking about Emmi’s fears about the first day of school. It’s a normal thing, he knows, but it doesn’t make him feel any less worse about the fact that he’s going to have to leave her there tomorrow and she’s going to have to figure out how to make friends all over again.

He knows the problems are probably going to get worse from here. One day she’s probably going to start asking about her mom, and then she’ll be interested in boys and there’s going to be other teenage drama, and dancing together probably isn’t going to fix everything.

But right now he’s going to believe that it will, because he can’t bear to think about his life raising Emmi if dancing around the room no longer works.

_______________________________

_Age 8_

Emmi yawned constantly through dinner.

Peter nudged her plate closer to her, bargained with her to eat two more forkfuls of vegetables, but Lara Jean put an end to it when Emmi whined that she wasn’t hungry and she really just wanted to go to bed.

So she walked down the hall, dragging her feet along the carpet as Lara Jean cleared her plate, tossing the rest of her food in the trash. “She had a bad day, babe. You can’t force her to eat when she doesn’t want to. It’s only going to make things worse.”

Peter nods, setting his plate and the serving dishes on the side of the sink, leaning back for a moment to catch his breath.

Emmi woke up on the wrong side of the bed. She hadn’t slept well the night before, up a few times with a stuffy nose and the beginnings of a cold. The only report he got back when he asked her how school was was a shrug and that it wasn’t a good day, and he left it at that.

Until she started crying when they got back to the apartment, fat tears streaming down her cheeks and her body collapsing into the sofa, her words muffled as she begged him to not make her go back.

Peter just sat with her, let her cry into his chest until she calmed down enough to tell him that she and Lila were in a fight and their friends took Lila’s side, and all he could do was reassure her that it would be okay, that they would make up and things would work themselves out despite it not feeling like that right now. And while she seemed to accept that, when Lara Jean got home she reassured Emmi immediately, talking quietly while Peter got dinner ready.

He turns to see Lara Jean setting the rest of the dishes in the sink, smiling as she walks over to stand next to him.

She leans up on her toes, hands resting against his arm as she softly kisses his cheek. “Go put her to bed. I’ll do the dishes.”

And for the first time in a while Peter nods and doesn’t argue, kissing her softly before disappearing down the hall.

Emmi’s laying in her bed under the blankets reading when he nudges open the door. He watches her for a moment, waits until she sees him, and then smiles as he walks in and sits on the edge of the bed.

“I know today was a bad day,” He mumbles, hand resting on her leg. “And I know you’re sad and you don’t want to talk about it, but I’m glad you told me what was wrong.”

Emmi nods, leaning up on her elbow to look at him. “I’m sorry for being mean.”

Peter smiles, opening his arms for her to crawl into. “I know you didn’t mean to be, but next time you’re upset about something I want you to just tell me, okay?”

Emmi nods against his chest, pulling her knees close and squeezing herself into his lap.

Peter holds her for a moment, becoming acutely aware that Emmi is getting too old for this and pretty soon she won’t fit in his lap anymore. But he savors the feeling anyway, holding her and kissing the top of her head and letting her stay like this for as long as she wants, only slightly upset when she pulls away to look up at him.

“Can we dance together? Like always?” She asks quietly, almost as if she’s afraid he’ll say no.

But he smiles and nods, patting her back so she’ll stand up as he grabs his phone, turning their song on and taking her hands so they can dance around the room.

There’s a smile tugging at the corner of Emmi’s lips when the song ends, her hands still grasped in her father’s. Peter smiles back down at her, pulling her against him and holding her for a moment, trying to memorize the way she feels against him knowing that in a few weeks she’ll be taller and then in a few months she may not even want to do this anymore.

“You have to get to bed,” Peter mumbles after a moment, pulling Emmi away from him and cupping her face so he can study it. “Are you feeling better?”

“A little,” Emmi shrugs. “Maybe sleep will help.”

She turns back and climbs into her bed, moving her legs so Peter can sit down again, a smile on his face. “Sleep will definitely help,” He agrees, pressing his hand to her forehead. “Do you still not feel great? Want some medicine?”

“It’s fine,” She says quickly, burying herself under the blankets. “I don’t want medicine. I’ll just sleep like you do when you don’t feel good.”

“Em,” Peter says, suppressing a smile. “You shouldn’t do what I do. Do you want medicine? Mama would want you to take it.”

Emmi shakes her head immediately, rolling onto her side and looking back at him with a toothless grin. “I’ll be okay, Daddy.”

Peter contemplates it for a moment, thinks about making her take it anyway, but then stops himself. She doesn’t have a fever, she seems a little better, and so he leaves it be, leaning down and smoothing his hand over her hair, kissing her forehead. “Night, kid. I love you.”

“Love you too, Dad," She says softly, closing her eyes as Peter stands up and shuts off her light, quietly leaving the room.

Most of the time he doesn’t know what he’s doing. He’s pretty sure the day where Emmi doesn’t want to dance with him anymore is coming, and while he’s firmly in denial that will ever happen, he likes to think that even if it does, there will be other ways the two of them will stay close.

He’s not ready for Emmi to grow up, but he’s doing his best to embrace it all.

_______________________________

_Age 15_

High school parenting was a whole different beast.

Peter didn’t really think it would be all that different to parenting an eighth grader, but high school means more dances and new friends and classes, and most nights he found himself almost as exhausted as he was when Emmi was little and he was a single dad.

The winter formal was coming up, and while most of Emmi’s friends had been asked by someone, Emmi hadn’t. And at first she wasn’t bothered by it, shrugging when Lara Jean would ask her and say that some of her friends didn’t have dates either, and so they were planning to just go in a big group and have a good time.

Until her other friends also got asked. And then their plans of going in a group and hanging out had turned to just Emmi not having a date, and so she decided not to go. Peter tried to reason with her, saying that most dates are probably just friends anyway and they could all still hang out. But Emmi didn’t want to hear it as she pushes her pasta around her plate, her head leaning on her hand.

“I’m just not going to go. It’s fine, there are other dances later this year we can all go to,” She says quietly. She asks to be excused and while Peter wants to protest Lara Jean says yes before he can, watching as Emmi gets up from the table and puts her plate in the sink, disappearing down the hall without another word.

“It’s fine, babe,” Lara Jean assures him. “High school is rough, but this is only one dance. If she doesn’t want to go without a date then we just make that night special for her here.”

“She was excited to go though,” Peter mumbles, eating the rest of his dinner. “I feel bad that she’s not going to go because of this.”

Lara Jean gives him a sympathetic smile, but whatever she says to him isn’t going to stick and so she leaves it at that, promising him that these feelings won’t last forever.

He helps her clean up the kitchen after dinner, putting plates in the dishwasher and cleaning off the counters. Emmi is constantly on his mind, the worry that she’s not okay taking over, and so when he finishes he says he’s going to check on her, ignoring the reluctant smile on Lara Jean’s face as he makes his way up to Emmi’s room.

He knocks twice, waits until Emmi says it’s okay, and then walks in. She’s laying on her bed on her laptop, curled up under a blanket Peter remembers her getting for Christmas one year when she was 4. “You okay, kid?” He asks.

Emmi pauses her video, looking over and shrugging. Peter thinks she’s going to say she’s fine, that she really doesn’t care much about the dance and there will be others. But then her bottom lip wobbles and she takes a deep breath, watching as Peter moves to sit next to her. “I just thought we’d go together and have a good time as friends. But then everyone got dates.”

Peter reaches over and wraps his arm around Emmi’s shoulder, pulling her closer. She doesn’t pull away, doesn’t say that she doesn’t want a hug from him like she had been doing because she’s a teenager, but instead she rests her head on the space between his arm and shoulder, sighing.

“You know I’m not good at things like this,” Peter says after a moment. His fingers trail up and down Emmi’s arm, chin resting on Emmi’s head. “The whole boys and dances thing. And I know Mom would be much better at this, but there _is_ something I know.”

Emmi hums, pulling herself closer.

“One dance doesn’t define high school. Having a date or not having a date doesn’t define it. Having fun is what matters. Being there with your friends, dancing and hanging out and having a good time is what you’re going to remember. Do you think I remember who I went to freshman winter formal with?”

Emmi laughs softly. “You didn’t go with Mom?”

“Not until senior year,” Peter smiles. “And I can guarantee you that when you’re older none of your friends will remember off the top of their heads who they went to freshman formal with.”

Emmi nodded against his chest, sighing. “So do you think I should go?”

Peter mulls it over for a minute, his fingers resting on her arm. “I think you should go if you want to go. If you don’t want to be surrounded by couples that night, then maybe you and I can do something special or we can find something fun to do as a family,” He says quietly. “But I don’t want you to miss out on something you seemed to be really looking forward to just because you don’t have a date and everyone else does.”

Emmi doesn’t reply, but she doesn’t make any attempts to move away from him and so he lays there, looking around the room he once decorated in a princess theme that’s not suddenly grown up and sophisticated and wonders where his little girl has gone and how they’ve gone from dealing with sports drama to dating drama.

“Hey,” Peter says, breaking the silence. “Want to dance with me?”

“Dad,” Emmi groans, pulling away from his embrace and giving him an embarrassed smile.

“What? You’re too old to dance with your old man?”

Emmi laughs, shaking her head as she stands up from her bed, Peter following suit and turning the song on. And they dance around her room in a much different fashion than they did when Emmi was little, but by the end she’s smiling and she doesn’t seem as upset, and that’s all Peter really cares about at the end of the day.

“I hope you never stop wanting to dance with me, kid,” Peter says softly when the song ends, hitting pause on his music and turning back to Emmi, who’s typing something out on her phone.

“I _am_ getting a little old,” She teases. “Doesn’t work the same way it did when I was little.”

Peter pockets his phone, smiling. “Maybe not, but you are smiling now. So I think it does still help a little,” He smirks, walking over and kissing the top of her head. “Love you forever, kid.”

“Love you too,” She smiles as he leaves the room, quietly shutting the door behind her.

Peter doesn’t know what he’s doing when it comes to parenting a teenager. He makes it up most of the time, praying that it works, and while Emmi is getting older and Lara Jean is probably better at parenting her than he is, he doesn’t want to let these moments go.

And maybe the dancing thing will always be their thing, maybe it’ll be the thing she always remembers about her childhood, and Peter has every intention of continuing to do it until she stops him and says that she’s too old for it.

He’s really glad that day hasn’t come yet.

_______________________________

_Age 18_

There’s boxes piled in the living room, a suitcase open in Emmi’s room, and bags full of college supplies ready to be brought out to the car.

Peter’s been living in a constant state of denial the entire summer that his oldest child is actually going to college. She’s not going far — only an hour away to UVA (his alma mater, which he’s very happy about) — but it’s far enough that he lays awake some nights wondering just how empty the house is going to feel despite it only being one child that’s leaving the home.

Emmi spent most of the summer beaming anytime someone brought up college. She and Lara Jean had a girls day to get new clothes and supplies for her dorm, and as the bags piled up and boxes of things that she would need for her dorm room took over the living room, Peter grew more wary about the whole situation ahead of them.

But in the last few weeks Emmi has grown quiet. People would ask her how excited she was about formally meeting her roommate and decorating her dorm room. She would always answer politely, say that she actually had met her roommate Hayley at Starbucks once to talk to each other and that she is excited to make her dorm room her own, but the enthusiasm that was once behind her words is now gone.

“You remember how nervous we were,” Lara Jean smiles one night after Emmi’s gone to bed, falling onto the sofa beside him. “I’m sure it’s all just becoming a little more real.”

“Yeah, but we were nervous about leaving each other,” Peter counters, but it’s a weak argument because he _knows_ he was worried about college in general, as was Lara Jean the more he thought about it. “I’m just worried about her. Why won’t she just tell us if she’s nervous? It’s not like we wouldn’t get it.”

“Because she’s almost 18?” Lara Jean smirks. “Peter, you’re overthinking all of this. You and I both know that we were not honest with our parents when we were her age. If something is really wrong she’ll come to you. But for now you just have to relax. It’s going to be fine.”

“We weren’t honest about sneaking around with each other after they went to bed,” He argues, but that really only makes him sick at the thought of Emmi sneaking out to go see a boy the same way he snuck out to go see Lara Jean.

“You dug yourself into this hole, buddy,” Lara Jean laughs when she notices his face change and the realization dawn on him, patting his shoulder and kissing him as she walks back into the kitchen to get them a snack.

Emmi comes down a while later, spends one final night with the family before she’s gone for a few months, and when she says her goodnights to everyone Peter gives her some time alone, stopping by her room to say goodnight one more time.

He gently pushes open the door, heart breaking when he finds Emmi curls up on her bed crying. “Baby, what’s wrong?” He asks softly, shutting the door behind him and walking over, pushing his hand through her curls. “Is everything okay? Do you want me to get Mom?” He asks, as if that’ll fix everything and she’ll be able to say something he’d never think of.

But Emmi shakes her head, sighing. “I want you,” She says softly, and in an instant Peter is laying in her bed beside her, waiting for her to talk.

“I’m just scared about leaving,” She mumbles, using the sleeves of her shirts to wipe away her tears. “What if I hate it? What if I don’t make any friends or I decide that I didn’t pick the right school and then I’m stuck there.”

“Ems,” Peter sighs. he reaches up, twirling one of her curls around his finger, and then lets go. “It's okay if you don’t like it. You can always transfer. But I’m willing to bet that you’re going to like it there and you’re going to make a ton of friends within the first few days. It’s easy to talk to people when you’re living with someone. And you like Hayley, right?”

“Yeah,” Emmi replies quietly. “But what if she makes new friends and they don’t like me? Then she won’t want to hang out with me anymore and we’ll just be those civil roommates.”

Peter chews on the corner of his lip for a moment, his daughter resting against his shoulder. “You know, when you were 5 and starting kindergarten you had the same fears,” He says softly, smiling. “Do you remember that?”

“No,” Emmi laughs.

Peter laughs. “You were so scared that you weren’t going to make any friends and no one would like you when you tried to talk to them. And you curled up next to me like you are right now and you told me all this, and all I could think about was what if I wasn’t doing the right thing. Sending you to school all day.”

“I met Lila and Brayden in kindergarten,” Emmi says softly, voice barely above a whisper.

“You did,” Peter nods, squeezing her arm. “And I told you the night before kindergarten that if you were nice and you shared and you acted politely then you would make a ton of friends. And you did, didn’t you?”

“I did,” Emmi nods. She doesn’t say anything, and while Peter feels a lot like he’s falling on his face, he keeps talking.

“I know it’s not as simple as you being polite and sharing. I know you can’t just share your food or something with people to get them to be your friend. But I do know that I raised you to be a pretty nice kid, and I know that if you’re polite and you let people get to know you, you’re going to have so many friends that you’ll forget all about how worried you were that you were going to be lonely or hate it there.”

Emmi nods, lets it stay quiet for a few minutes, and then sighs. “Thanks for everything you’ve done for me. When we were alone. And after you married Mom.” She twists, looking back up at him. “You’re a really great dad.”

Peter smiles, desperately tries to hide the fact that his eyes are watering and his daughter is going to make him cry, and then kisses the top of her head softly. “You know I’d do it all over again, right? Every little thing to make sure you could get what you needed.”

“I know,” Emmi nods, smiling as she lays her head down on his shoulder again. “I’m really going to miss you guys.”

“We’re going to miss you, too,” Peter mumbles, squeezing Emmi against his side. “But you’re only an hour away, and something tells me that you know exactly how to charm your old man to pick you up when you need a little dose of home.”

Emmi laughs, her arm resting around his torso. “Hey Dad? Did we dance together when I was 5 on the night before kindergarten?”

Peter smiles. “We did.”

He watches as Emmi twists, turning to look back at him. “Can we now? One more time before I leave?”

Peter doesn’t hesitate before he finds his phone, turning on their song as she stands up, dancing around the room with her.

“I’m gonna miss the hell out of this, kid. I’m glad you never got too old to keep dancing with me.”

“We can still do it when I come home,” Emmi promises, and while Peter doesn’t get his hopes up he nods anyway, smiling as they dance around her room.

He does his best to live in the moment, never wanting to forget what it felt like to have this memory of his daughter at so many stages of her life.

_______________________________

_Age 28_

Peter thought a lot about Emmi’s wedding day.

How he would get through it without crying. How he’d do on their first dance together, and their last time dancing to _I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing_. He’d been stressing out over it, frankly. Lara Jean would tease him, tell him that they’ve been practicing for her first dance Emmi’s entire life, and this was really just an extension of that.

But it felt different to him. Like this had to be special and they had to make this one count because he can’t envision any other moment in time where they’d be alone and dancing to this song in her bedroom she no longer lives in.

He finds himself on the dance floor with Emmi right after she dances with her husband for the first time. He’s already crying from the ceremony and from the fact that his daughter is all grown up, but then the music starts playing and she’s giving him a wobbly smile and reaching out for his hand, and he takes it, walking to the center of the dance floor.

“Do you remember when we danced to this at my wedding?” He asks, holding her as they sway, photographs being taken from all angles.

Emmi nods, smiling. “I stood on your feet, didn’t I?” She asks. And Peter nods, because for as long as he lives he doesn’t think he’ll ever forget that day or that moment in time.

“I’m so proud of you, you know,” He says softly, looking down at her. “And I’m so happy for you, and I know you’re going to love being married.”

“I am,” She nods confidently, laughing as she looks up at him. “But I like to think I had really great role models in you and Mom.”

Peter laughs, letting himself cry as he pulls her close, her head resting on his chest. And while the song comes to a close and Peter knows their time is over, he oddly feels like he needs to savor this more than he has been.

“I’m always going to be here when you need a dance with your dad,” He says softly, kissing the top of her head.

And Emmi nods, a smile on her face. “Good. Because I'm sure I’m going to need them.”

“Always, kiddo.”

He’s always meant it.


	2. you are my beginning, you're my end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> honeymoon time!

Lara Jean lays on a lounge chair with a cocktail in one hand, a book in the other, and her husband asleep beside her.

She’s pretty sure she’s died and gone to heaven since landing in Jamaica earlier that morning. The breeze blew off the water, pushing her hair back away from her face, they’ve been married for 48 hours, and when they arrived in their hotel room the bed was decorated with rose petals and there was a bottle of champagne waiting.

“I don’t think I can remember the last time I’ve seen you this relaxed,” Peter smiles, voice quiet as he rolls over onto his back. “You look so happy to be here.”

“I _am_ ,” Lara Jean mumbles, holding her cocktail out for him to take a sip. “We have an entire week where we don’t have a 6 year old to take care of, no work, and it’s the two of us to do whatever we want together,” She smirks.

“Like go back to the room right now? Shut the blinds so no one swims by and sees us?”

“Peter,” Lara Jean laughs, shaking her head. “The weather is so nice right now. Tonight though?”

Peter nods, reaching for her cocktail again to take another sip. “I’m holding you to that, Kavinsky.”

Lara Jean’s heart flutters when she uses his last name when talking to her, hiding her smile behind her cocktail.

It’s been two days since the best day of their lives. Lara Jean still feels slightly hungover by all of the festivities, her cheeks still hurt from smiling, and she’s pretty sure she’s never going to be able to stop staring at her rings.

She catches a glimpse of Peter’s ring every so often. Like when they escaped to their hotel room the night of their wedding after leaving a sleeping Emmi with Owen and Kitty, his fingers carefully removing her wedding dress and then roaming her body. Or when he reached for her hand to walk off the plane when they arrived in Jamaica that morning. They’re _married_ , she keeps reminding herself, leaning back against the chair and looking back out onto the ocean in front of them. She’s laying next to her _husband_ , and they have a whole week of celebrating that.

Any attempts to read the books that had once been piled on her nightstand and forgotten about with the chaos of wedding planning are lost when Peter climbs off his chair, lying on top of her with his chin on her chest.

“Babe, what are you doing?” She asks, her body feeling slightly crushed by the weight of her much larger husband, but he’s smiling and he kisses her chest on the skin between her bikini top, and she can’t help but set her book down and brush her fingers through his hair.

“If you’re not going to let me take you back to the room and remove this bathing suit, can we at least go in the ocean?”

Lara Jean mulls it over for a moment, biting the inside of her lip and running her fingers from his hair down his jaw line and over the slight stubble, leaning forward to kiss him. “Okay,” She agrees, laughing when Peter clumsily pushes himself up from her chair, reaching out for her hand as they walk through the hot sand and down towards the waters edge.

_______________________________

Peter’s pretty sure he’d be content sitting on the lounge chairs in the pool just outside their hotel room, Lara Jean by his side, a cocktail in one hand, and the beach stretched out in front of them for the foreseeable future.

He knew a vacation away from Emmi was good for both of them. The honeymoon would serve as a relaxation period for both Peter and Lara Jean, a week of just being with each other and celebrating being married and not worrying about projects or proposals or the constant busyness of the bakery.

He starts their first full day with his feet in the pool just outside their hotel room watching the workers set chairs out on the white sand beaches and the guests slowly walking to breakfast and beginning their days. It’s quiet, the breeze blows through his hair and across his bare chest, and Peter feels like he can feel all his muscles relax at how amazing this.

Lara Jean walks out to stand behind him, arms wrapping around his torso. If it was a little more private and they weren’t in constant threat of other guests walking by or their neighbors walking out onto their own pool shelf he would tug at the strings of her bikini when he pulls her in front of him, begging her to just take it off because it’s just them and no one could catch them.

But he stops, nips his fingers at her exposed skin, and smiles. “You drive me crazy, you know that?” He says, and he knows Lara Jean knows _exactly_ what he means because she leans up to kiss him and smiles knowingly, turning back so her back is pressed against his chest and his arms are around her shoulders as they look out onto the view in front of them.

“You have six more days of seeing me like this,” She teases, and Peter can’t help but groan as he taps her hip and leans forward to kiss her again because he can and because they’re alone and there’s no 6 year old who’s going to walk in and get annoyed that he’s kissing her every waking moment.

—

Island pace is a funny thing. Peter and Lara Jean are so used to their busy life back in the city, the one that keeps them moving from place to place with barely any time to relax or even think about what’s coming next for them.

Here they lay out on the lounge chairs for a while before changing and making their way to breakfast, and once they’re full and there’s a full day ahead of them with not a cloud in sight Lara Jean suggests they go get changed back into their bathing suits and spend the day at the beach, which Peter obviously agrees to because he’s never going to say no to seeing his wife in a bikini.

“You know,” Peter calls, closing the curtains to their room and changing back into his bathing suit as Lara Jean walks into the bathroom, “the weather is going to be like this all week. Which means we’ll be able to be outside the whole time and not worry about things being ruined by rain. And we’re alone the entire week. It would be a shame to not take advantage of this empty hotel room and no worries about being caught.”

Whatever Peter’s expecting to happen, it’s not for Lara Jean to walk out of the bathroom with a smile on her face and nothing on. But she walks over to him confidently and perches on her toes to kiss him forcefully, their foreheads knocking together.

“You win, Kavinsky,” She smirks, laughing when Peter lifts her up into his arms and they fall back onto the bed, kisses trailing down her bare skin, pulling his own bathing suit off.

_______________________________

On the fourth day of their honeymoon, Peter and Lara Jean both find themselves missing Emmi more than they thought they would.

They’re walking along the beach at sunrise, hands interlocked as the waves lap at their feet, and all Lara Jean can think about is how Emmi would be running ahead of them, laughing as she ducked in and out of the waters edge, taunting the waves to catch her.

“We’ll bring her here someday,” Peter promises, squeezing Lara Jean’s hand. The hazy sun slowly rises in the sky, the birds chirp, and Lara Jean feels slightly comforted by that promise.

They FaceTime Emmi for a few minutes before breakfast when they find a quiet place on the beach, but Emmi is less than impressed at their view and their surroundings and is more excited to show them the fort she built with Owen and Kitty the night before and how Grandma let her keep it up even though Daddy doesn’t let her.

Peter rolls his eyes, feeling far more comforted that Emmi is in fact _not_ missing them and is reveling in her alone time with Owen, Kitty, and his mom, and when they hang up he notices the smile on Lara Jean’s face.

“I guess it makes it a little better that she’s definitely not missing us,” Lara Jean laughs, walking over to sit on Peter’s lap, kissing him softly. “And I wouldn’t feel guilty if we pushed off breakfast and just stayed here for a little,” She whispers, turning to straddle his lap, her arms wrapping around his neck.

“Is that right?” He smirks, hands snaking around her waist, lips pressing lightly to hers. “Lara Jean Kavinsky is going to give up her breakfast to have sex with her husband?”

“We could always just go get food,” She smirks, her forehead pressing to his as she lightly grinds against his lap. “Wouldn’t want to do something too out of the ordinary.”

“Nice try, my love,” Peter smirks, falling back onto the bed, hands snaking up underneath Lara Jean’s dress as her lips press along his jaw.

_______________________________

Part of being on a honeymoon is the endless perks, both Lara Jean and Peter find. Like a candlelit dinner on the beach for a night, which is so private and intimate that Lara Jean can’t help but feel like it’s a little too lavish for her and Peter’s taste.

“It came with being on a honeymoon,” Peter shrugs, taking a sip of his wine. “I mean it would’ve been wrong for us not to take advantage of it. Plus, it’s nice to get dressed up.”

“It is,” Lara Jean agrees, reaching for her wine. Because putting on a fancy dress and heels and walking across the beautiful grounds of the resort was a nice treat, but it wasn’t one Lara Jean had been expecting.

She takes a look at her surroundings. The lanterns hanging in the palm trees around them, the wood platform leading out to the little area where they were eating, the water just a few feet away. It was gorgeous, elegant, and Lara Jean isn’t sure she’ll ever be able to relax knowing how fancy it is.

She looks across the table at her husband, who’s skin has somehow gotten even more tan from laying out all day. His curls are wild, the salty beach air sticking to them and taking them in every direction, and his button down is left slightly open at the top, exposing his chest in the way that drives Lara Jean crazy (it always has, she doesn’t know why).

“So,” She begins, desperately trying to collect her thoughts and not think about how much she wants to just leave this dinner and go back to their room where she can have sex with him for the rest of the night, “what does married life look like when we’re back home?”

Peter reaches for his fork when their salads arrive, the smile spreading across his face. “Well, I guess not much will change,” He says after a moment, taking a bite. “We’ll file the adoption forms when we get back so Emmi is legally yours. And then we go back to normal life. Work, camp for Em until school.”

“Babies?” Lara Jean says softly, staring at her plate until it blurs, the smile tugging at her lips going unnoticed.

“Babies,” Peter agrees, and when she forces herself to look up he’s leaning forward, a look of amusement on his face. “You want babies right away?”

Lara Jean shrugs, the sunburn on her shoulders stinging as she feels herself blush. “I mean, I don’t want to wait forever,” She sighs. “And I distinctly remember Emmi asking for a little sister when we first met.”

Peter shakes his head, blushing as he takes another bite of his salad. “I can’t promise a little sister,” He smiles. “But I’m definitely up for more kids. _Especially_ with you.”

Lara Jean’s known this for a while, that eventually they’d have kids of their own and she’d be able to watch him raise them from the newborn stage. But there’s something about hearing him say it that makes her heart flutter and this excitement jolt through her body, a feeling she doesn’t think will ever get old.

“How many kids are we talking?” He asks, thanking the waiter as he clears their plates.

“Well we already have Emmi,” Lara Jean begins, reaching towards the center of the table for another piece of bread. “But I liked having two sisters. So at least two more?”

Peter nods, but he’s quiet and that has Lara Jean slightly worried that maybe he doesn’t agree, that three kids will be too much for the two of them.

“I’d have as many kids as you want to, you know,” Peter says truthfully. “I’ve always wanted a lot of kids, you know that.”

Lara Jean nods, leaning back as the waiter sets their dinners in front of them, and then waits until he’s gone to talk again. “I can’t wait to have a million babies with you,” She teases, and as Peter’s laugh echoes through the breeze and his head tips back with the widest smile on his face Lara Jean feels comforted, more than sure that she married her soulmate.

_______________________________

A morning thunderstorm rolls through Jamaica. The breeze is warm, but the thunder claps and the lightning flashes through the closed curtains of their hotel room, and it’s the perfect scenario to stay in bed and not do anything.

They’re both naked after having morning sex (Peter’s idea, not that Lara Jean would’ve objected to it), bodies pressed against each other as Lara Jean reaches down and pulls the top sheet up over them. She’s content to stay like this for a while, listening to the rain hit the pool just outside their door and the thunder clap in the distance, the grey skies mixed with the sun making attempts to come out poking through the crack in their curtains.

Her head rests against his bare chest, his heartbeat slow and rhythmic against her ear as his fingers dance along her lower back. It’s quiet, peaceful, and in everything that Lara Jean thought about what she’d love the most on this honeymoon, she thinks it’s little moments like these.

“You know, you’re the reason I had the courage to open up my own bakery so soon after graduating,” She says softly after a while, voice cutting through the quiet. Peter hums, fingers pausing against her skin. “What do you mean?”

Quietly she shifts, moving so she can still lay in his arms and look back up at him, chewing on the corner of her lip. “When we were younger you used to tell me that I was the most amazing baker you knew and that one day people would pay good money to buy my baked goods. And I used to laugh at you back then and make you stop because I hated hearing that. I guess I just didn’t think I’d ever have the courage to open my own place, especially not when I was 26.”

“I can’t be the only person that’s told you that.”

“You’re not,” Lara Jean says sheepishly. “But when my dad said he found this cute little corner shop in the city that would be perfect for a bakery and it wasn’t all that expensive I almost said no. And then I laid in bed one night thinking about the teachers that told me I had potential to open my own bakery one day and all I could think about were those nights where you’d say it. It’s one thing to hear teachers say it, but to hear someone like you say it?”

Her heart is hammering in her chest, her head burying against his skin, taking a shaky breath. “You were the one who made me feel like maybe I could do it. And there were so many times I wanted to text you and ask if you really did mean it because I figured we hadn’t talked in years and you would be honest with me, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Like I would type out the text and my finger would hover over the send, but I’d delete it or save it as a draft and just never send it.”

“You should’ve texted me,” He replies quietly. “But for the record, I would’ve told you to go for it. Because even if we were broken up and hadn’t talked, I still thought your baking was the best in the world.”

“You don’t have to just say that.”

“‘m not,” Peter says quietly, voice cracking as he smiles, pressing his head against hers. “No baking could ever compare to yours.”

Lara Jean laughs, fingers tracing up and down his abs.

“I’m glad you went for it. Regardless of if it was my voice in your head or not telling you to,” He says softly. His fingers go back to tracing along her back, pulling her closer. “Because the bakery brought us back together.”

Somehow the smile grows wider on Lara Jean’s face as she rolls to straddle Peter’s hips, the sheet falling off the two of them. “It did,” She whispers, and before Peter can reply Lara Jean is kissing up his neck, sucking lightly and leaving the lightest of hickeys before moving to kiss along his jaw, then the scar right by his mouth, and then his lips softly.

Peter groans underneath her, hands on her hips as he pulls her to rest on top of him and smiles as he kisses her a little forcefully, lips moving down to her collarbones and leaving a trail of hickeys along them.

“Again?” He murmurs against her skin, breath warm and sending goosebumps down her spine as she moans quietly.

He laughs, kissing down her chest again, and when she finally manages to say yes Peter presses his lips to hers, pushing the covers off of them.

_______________________________

For being so reluctant about getting a couples massage, Lara Jean can't help but laugh at how much Peter seems to be enjoying it.

He’s blissful as the masseuse works on his shoulders, the tension slowly leaving his body. Lara Jean had insisted that they do the massages when Peter insisted they do the fancy candlelit dinner, but so far it seemed like Peter was enjoying the massage far more than she had.

The masseuses leave the room for a moment, Peter turning his head to look at his wife. “Who knew six years of raising a child would bring me that much tension in my shoulders,” He says quietly, and Lara Jean can’t help but laugh at how relaxed he sounds by all of this.

“I think part of it was work, too. You work so hard, and now you needed a break and the massage is getting all the tension out,” She replies quietly, bringing her hand out from underneath the sheet and reaching out to squeeze his hand. “Does this mean you’re going to want to get massages when we get home?”

“I’m not going to say no to them if you offer,” He shrugs, laughing. “Maybe little weekend getaways? When things are getting crazy and we obviously need it.”

Lara Jean nods immediately. “God, yes. Definitely when we're stressed and need a little getaway,” She agrees, squeezing his hand before letting go when the masseuses walk back in to finish the massage.

—

“Can you believe we go home tomorrow?” Lara Jean mumbles, reaching over to Peter’s lounge chair to pluck a fry from his plate. They were doing their best to make the most of their last full day by spending it out on the beach, but with the salt water giving her beach waves and the sunburn on her skin slowly turning to tan, Lara Jean had been trying to think of ways to stay there longer.

Peter shakes his head, reaching for his cocktail. “I miss Em, I can’t wait to see her, but I wish we could stay here longer.”

“I can’t wait to squeeze her and give her her presents.”

Peter smiles, taking the pickle from Lara Jean’s plate like he always does. “With your burnt shoulders you’re not going to be squeezing her for long.”

“It’s almost a tan!” Lara Jean argues, pressing two fingers to her shoulders that are more red than tan, smiling sheepishly. “It’ll go away. We can’t all tan like you, Kavinsky.”

“It’s true, I was blessed with the tanned skin,” He teases, and for as much as Lara Jean doesn’t want to stare at his tan skin and his perfect abs while they’re laying on the beach, she can’t seem to tear her eyes away. “Stop staring, you’re going to draw attention to us and we can’t do anything on the beach.”

She rolls her eyes, prays that the blush on her cheeks can be passed off as sun-kissed from being outside all day, but if Peter notices he doesn’t say anything.

They spend the rest of the afternoon walking from the ocean back onto the sand, soaking in the last of the warm weather and cloudless skies and the feeling of the sun beating down on them without it feeling too humid before they make their way home the next morning. Lara Jean takes a million pictures on her phone, sets one of Peter as her background, and only contemplates a handful of times how they could move to the island and start a new life down there.

When they get ready for their final dinner Lara Jean pulls out a new dress that she and Chris went shopping for before the wedding, one that was classy for dinner but just sexy enough that she knew it would drive Peter crazy.

“You have to be joking,” He says when she walks out of the bathroom, fingers pausing on the buttons of his shirt to stare at her. “You want me to get through our last dinner alone with you looking as sexy as that?”

“I do expect that,” She smirks, sitting down on the edge of the bed to slip on her heels. “We can’t have room service on our last day here!” She smirks, standing back up and walking over, kissing him softly as he buttons the last of his shirt.

“You’re going to kill me one day, just know that,” He groans, reaching for her outstretched hand as they leave the room.

—

The door to their hotel room is barely closed before Peter’s hands are on the zipper to Lara Jean’s dress, tugging on it and pulling it off her body.

“I spent the entire dinner wanting to do that,” He mumbles when he pulls her back against his chest, kissing down the back of her neck and along her shoulder as she groans.

“Not fair that you still have all of this on,” She mumbles when she manages to turn around in his arms, fingers working on the buttons of his shirt, tearing it off and leaving it in a pile on the floor with her dress.

He presses her against the wall, lips pressing to every inch of her exposed skin, moving down her body. “Have to make the most of tonight, right?” He asks carefully, not giving Lara Jean time to answer before he reaches behind and unhooks her bra, tossing that onto the pile of clothes.

She nods, fingers working on his belt buckle. “I love you,” She whispers, helping him step out of his pants before he lifts her up into his arms, carrying them back to the bed.

Neither of them know how they’re supposed to leave the next day.

_______________________________

Emmi is bouncing on her toes on the front porch of Peter’s mom’s home when they pull into the driveway. She disregards her grandmother’s instructions not to leave the front porch without her sandals and runs down the brick walk, jumping into Peter’s arms the second he walks around the car with his arms outstretched.

“Oh, we missed you so much, kid,” He says, squeezing her against his chest and burying his nose in her hair, leaning back to kiss her face a million times as she laughs.

“I missed you guys too!” She says, reaching out for Lara Jean to take her and hug her as they make their way back up the front walk and into the house. “We made you guys signs and cupcakes!”

“Her idea,” Mrs. Kavinsky smiles, hugging them both as Lara Jean sets Emmi back down on the ground. “I know they won’t be as good as yours, but we used a homemade recipe!”

“Because Daddy doesn’t and Grandma said we could,” Emmi smirks, hugging Peter’s hips as his fingers run through her hair.

“They’re perfect,” Lara Jean smiles, following everyone into the kitchen where they have cupcakes and talk about their honeymoon, giving Emmi her presents of a t-shirt and some local clay figurines of dolphins and a turtle to put in her room.

Lara Jean watches as Peter holds Emmi on his lap, the two of them laughing as they play with the figurines, and when she catches a glimpse of his wedding ring she can’t help but smile.

Things aren’t going to feel all that different, but after spending a week in Jamaica with her new husband and coming back to their new normal, she can’t wait to see what kinds of adventures the three of them get up to as they start their new lives as the Kavinskys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so so so much for all your responses on the first chapter! i wasn't expecting that at all but i'm so glad you guys are still loving this little universe as much as i am! 
> 
> the next one-shot will be emmi's adoption for lara jean, and then babies! (which will most likely be in it's own separate mini fic because so many of you guys have been so excited about more babies and i didn't feel like a one-shot would do that justice :) )
> 
> another one-shot next week!
> 
> title of the chapter is from Amanda by Johnnyswim :)


	3. home for me is where you are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lara Jean goes through the process of officially adopting Emmi :)

Three weeks after arriving home from their honeymoon, when their routine is back in tact and they no longer feel overwhelmed or behind on things they had missed from the wedding and their week out of the country, Peter and Lara Jean begin on filling out the paperwork to start the process of Lara Jean adopting Emmi.

“We really could’ve started all this months ago, couldn’t we?” Peter sighs, filling out forms about Emmi while Lara Jean filled out the form about herself.

“We could’ve,” Lara Jean agrees, chewing on the inside of her cheek. “But we didn’t, so now we get to sit here and fill it all out so we can file it and begin this process.”

“Did you know it can take almost a year for all of this to go through? We get to skip some steps because you and I are married, but it could still take a while.”

Lara Jean nods, brushing back a wisp of hair from her face and looking to her husband. “I know. But she already calls me mom and we already live together, so not much will change. It’ll just be a piece of paper confirming all of this,” She smiles.

Peter nods, finishes filling out his forms, and then puts them all in an envelope to send off the next morning on his way to work.

“You’re going to be her mom for real,” Peter mumbles against the back of her head as he wraps his arms around her torso, Lara Jean getting to work on making dumplings for dinner.

She pauses for a moment, leaning back and resting her head against his chest, smiling when his lips press to the top of her head. “I am,” She nods.

And for as much as nothing will change between the three of them, Lara Jean’s stomach fills with butterflies and her heart races just a little faster at the thought of all of this finally becoming official.

—

Emmi walks up the steps of the courthouse in between Lara Jean and Peter, hands firmly grasped between them. She spent the entire walk from the parking garage twirling in her new dress and laughing as her curls bounced against her shoulders, only reaching for their hands when they reached the staircase.

It had been almost three months since they started the process of Lara Jean adopting Emmi. Looking into the legalities of it all turned out to be an ordeal, and after preliminary hearings in front of judges and countless amount of forms filled out to be handed in, they were finally in their last part of the process — having a judge approve it.

It was all Emmi could talk about. Each meeting was like a false alarm in her brain, and while Peter could only tell her that there were more steps and it wasn’t quite official yet, he was secretly just as excited as she was to make sure that all of this happened.

When they finally got their court date to have it all finalized by a judge Peter promptly put it on the calendar on the fridge, laughing as Emmi added a million stickers surrounding it. Lara Jean started a countdown on the whiteboard attached to the side of the fridge, took Emmi out to buy a new fancy dress, and the two of them got up early to fix Emmi’s curls so they laid neatly just the way she had requested for the day that Lara Jean officially became her mom.

“Today is the last day, right?” Emmi asks as Peter lifts her up to sit on a bench outside the court room. “And then Lara Jean will really be my mommy?”

“Right,” Peter nods, smoothing out her dress and brushing a Goldfish crumb off her cheek. “Today is the last day, and then we won’t have to come back here anymore and you won’t miss any more school.”

They spent a good portion of the last few months getting their hopes up only to have them dashed away when another step would arise. Lara Jean distinctly remembers the hushed conversations behind Emmi’s partially open door at bedtime, when Peter promised her endlessly that it was going to happen and it didn’t change anything right now — that Lara Jean was still her mom.

Now they’re sitting outside the court room and Emmi nods in understanding that this is the last step, smiling as she leans her head against Peter’s shoulder. “Are we going to be here forever?”

Peter bites back a laugh, leaning down and kissing the top of her head. “Patience, babe.”

“Hey Em, how about after this we go to whatever restaurant you want to celebrate,” Lara Jean says, twisting the end of Emmi’s curl back into place. “Think about where you want to go.”

That seems to tide Emmi over as she sits quietly on the bench outside the courtroom thinking about restaurants and where they should go to celebrate so much that she doesn’t even realize they’ve called them in and Peter is lifting her off the bench and taking her hand so they can walk in.

For as excited as Peter had been about having this finalized and Lara Jean’s name on Emmi’s birth certificate, there was something about watching Lara Jean that made it even more special.

She woke up early that morning, thumbing through their closet until she found the perfect dress, hanging it separately so she could grab it after she showered. Music played through the apartment while Lara Jean got Emmi fed and did her hair, and when Peter walked down the hall after taking a business call before he left, the smile on his face only grew wider.

Lara Jean was practically bouncing off the walls along with Emmi, and as he ushered them both out the door and they took the subway to the courthouse, Lara Jean squeezed his hand and mouthed “it’s really happening” as if he had somehow forgot what they were doing that morning.

Lara Jean found it difficult to listen to the judge. They were talking about the adoption process, going over the legal forms as Peter answered questions about Juliet and her termination of her parental rights. He lifted Emmi up into his arms when she holds her arms up in a silent request, and as Lara Jean moves to stand closer to both of them Emmi turns back and reaches out for her hand, which Lara Jean immediately grabs.

She and Peter have been married for there months and living together for nine, and while adding her name to the birth certificate isn’t necessarily going to change anything in the grand scheme of things, it makes everything feel a little bit more official in her mind. Like it’ll be written in paper and the chapter of worrying about Juliet coming back will be over, and somehow that’ll just make things permanent.

It all happens in slow motion, Lara Jean thinks. The judge asks her to verify her name and that she’s applying to adopt Emmi, to which Lara Jean immediately replies yes, earning half a laugh from Peter when she barely lets the judge get out the question before she’s answering. He talks through legal things, then looks up and smiles at the small family standing in front of him.

“Lara Jean Kavinsky, I declare you the parental rights to Emmi Grace Kavinsky.”

The guests in the courtroom clap, Peter smiles, turning towards Lara Jean and pulling her in for a hug with her other arm. 

“Does that mean you’re my mom now?” Emmi asks, looking between both Peter and Lara Jean.

And Lara Jean nods, pushing back tears as she takes Emmi from Peter’s arms, squeezing her against her chest. “I’m your mom now! For real!” She says, laughing as Emmi hugs her tighter, Peter ushering them out of the courtroom so they could go celebrate.

—

After a morning of deliberation, Emmi decides on the diner for their celebratory lunch. Peter tried to argue with her, have her pick a nicer restaurant, but Emmi shook her head and said she really wanted chocolate chip pancakes, and so reluctantly he agreed.

Which is how the three of them found themselves squashed into a booth eating breakfast food in the middle of the day, a napkin tucked into the top of Emmi’s dress so she doesn’t get chocolate all over it.

“So, does having Lara Jean as your mommy feel any different?” Peter asks as he cuts off another slice of omelette. “Now it’s real!”

Emmi shrugs, stabbing another piece of pancake. “It doesn’t feel that different, Daddy,” She says plainly, taking a questionably large bite and chewing. 

“You’ve been calling her Mom for a while now, huh?” He smiles, laughing when Emmi nods as he holds up her milk for her. 

“But now it’s going to be on all those papers?”

“It will,” Peter nods. “And she’ll be your mom now for good, which means she can sign things and take you out of school and I don’t ned to send you in with extra notes now just so she can come get you when you have to leave early.”

Most of this went over Emmi’s head. She didn’t necessarily care about how much easier it is for Lara Jean to get her out of school or take her to doctor’s appointments when he’s stuck at work or has a lot on his plate. All she cared about was that it was real and she could tell people that, and after that excitement wore off, it was obvious she was just loving being out to lunch with her parents instead of in school like she should’ve been.

Lara Jean reaches across the table and squeezes Peter’s hand, a gentle smile more than enough to know that Lara Jean realizes the significance in all of this for him, and how grateful she is for it as well.

—

Peter has a hard time getting Emmi settled down and into bed after the afternoon they had. She asked a million questions about the adoption, when they’d get all the forms that made it official, and when they had other kids would that mean that they’d all have the same parents.

Peter answers every question with ease, running a brush through Emmi’s curls and tucking her into bed, reading a book with her before kissing the top of her head. She asks a few more questions, a clear tactic to delay bedtime, and then when Peter’s hovering in the doorway with his hand on the light switch Emmi turns over, looking back at him.

“I’m really glad Mama adopted me, Daddy,” She says softly, hugging her stuffed bear to her chest. “Thanks for marrying her.”

Peter smiles, leaning against the door frame. “You’re welcome, baby,” He says softly, lingering in the doorway for a moment before blowing Emmi a kiss, shutting off her light and closing the door softly behind him.

He doesn’t say anything when he gets back to the living room. Lara Jean has turned on one of their shows for them to catch up on, which they do diligently and then take themselves to bed when it’s obvious Lara Jean is going to pass out on the sofa anyway. She changes in the bathroom, the two of them wordlessly take off the decorative pillows and climb into bed, and just like most nights Lara Jean settles against his shoulder, leaning up and kissing him softly.

“Emmi thanked me for marrying you tonight when I was putting her to bed,” Peter smiles, fingers tracing circles on Lara Jean’s upper arm. “Because it means that you got to adopt her.”

“It’s a really good thing it’s dark in here,” Lara Jean says after a moment, voice wobbling. “Because that’s going to make me cry.”

“I have to agree with her, you know,” Peter laughs, lips pressing lightly against Lara Jean’s hair. “I’m really glad that you get to be her mom. Even if you’re starting a little late in the game.” 

It’s silent for a moment. Lara Jean’s hand is resting right on his stomach, fingers tapping lightly as she breathes lightly against his chest. “I’m really glad I get to be her mom, too,” She replies quietly, and when Peter feels the tear hit his chest he smiles, pulling her closer and lifting her chin to kiss her softly.

Things progress further, Lara Jean’s t-shirt ends up on the floor not long after, Peter’s hands run up and down her sides and flip them over quietly as his lips move along her bare collarbones, and if that’s the celebration they get after one of the best days of their lives together that either of them can ever remember, Peter can’t wait for the final paperwork to show up so they can celebrate that too.

—

It takes six months for Emmi’s birth certificate to arrive in the mail. They’d mostly forgotten about it, went back to normal life the day after the court date and back into their routines, and Peter suddenly didn’t feel like he needed to wait for a piece of paper that makes it official in the eyes of the government.

The paperwork comes in an official envelope with government stamps and FRAGILE written across the front, and the envelope alone is enough to set his heart rate soaring.

Lara Jean gets home late that night, just in time for Peter to dish out dinner as she turns back to set the table. “What’s this?” She asks, moving the mail and holding the envelope in her hands.

“I can only imagine it’s Em’s birth certificate,” Peter says softly, turning back to look at his wife. “I left it there for us to open together. She doesn’t know it’s there.”

Lara Jean smiles, calling for Emmi to come eat as she holds the envelope in her hands. “Want to open this?”

Emmi steps forward, taking the envelope from Lara Jean’s hand and carefully tears along the edges. Peter sets their dinner down on the table, moving to stand behind both of his girls as Emmi pulls out her new birth certificate, Lara Jean’s name now printed on the line where it says mother.

“Is this my birth certificate?” Emmi asks carefully, holding the paper in her hands.

Lara Jean smiles, eyes blurring with tears. “It is. Which means it’s really real now, babe.”

Emmi smiles, turning back to Lara Jean and hugging her tightly. “It’s real now!” She says brightly, pulling away and hanging the birth certificate on the fridge where they all can see it.

Peter takes a moment, studying it for a while and falling in love with the way his and Lara Jean’s names are on the birth certificate of his child. And while it wasn’t in a conventional way and Emmi would never be biologically hers, it felt like it was the step they all needed to make it an official family.

He doesn’t know what the future holds for the three of them. Where they go from here, how they progress as a family when Lara Jean and Peter do have kids of their own, but he knows that this was a step they all needed to begin their lives as the Kavinskys — a family of three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so glad you guys are still loving these! this one is a little shorter, but it was a moment a lot of you guys wanted and so here it is! :)
> 
> next week will start new babies!! because i didn't feel like a one-shot would be enough for that (literally everyone - including me - wanted new babies!) it's going to be it's on separate mini fic (like 7-8 chapters). i'm going to post it in it's own separate fic, but i'll link it on my tumblr/if you don't look there or don't have tumblr it'll be up around the same time these are posted next tuesday! andddd updates will probably be every other day instead of once a week, so you won't have to wait long for the baby part of the story! :)
> 
> i'm mostly just posting it separately for my own sanity/organization haha
> 
> thank you guys so so so much for reading/commenting! as always if something comes up that you want to see with this little universe leave it! i have them all written in my phone and i have a (loose) plan of an order i'm going in, although they won't be chronological completely so! whatever springs to mind :)
> 
> see you next weeeek! :)
> 
> title of the chapter is from Take Me Home by Us the Duo :)


	4. there's no way that we could rewind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sometimes first fights as a married couple aren't so simple to navigate

They’ve been teetering on the edge of fighting for three days.

They’ve been married for two months exactly and Lara Jean can count on one hand how many fights they’ve had, petty ones included.

This feels different though. It’s bubbling up inside of her chest, tension seeping out with each waking moment. She tells herself they’ll talk about it in the afternoon, but Peter stays at work late and comes home to eat dinner and put Emmi to bed, disappearing into their room to work on a project for work for the rest of the night.

She waits until the meeting is over before approaching him again, quietly cleaning up the kitchen when Peter returns from putting Emmi to bed.

“Did your meeting go okay today?” She asks quietly, but it sounds foreign and so out of body that she almost doesn’t believe it came out of her mouth.

Peter, who looks just as shocked that she’d initiated the conversation as she does, nods and moves to make Emmi’s lunch for the following day. “It was good, yeah. The vendors seemed pretty happy with our proposal.”

“That’s good,” Lara Jean hums, loading the last of the dishwasher and sighing. She waits a moment, but when Peter doesn’t speak up she looks back at him. “We have to talk about whatever this is between us.”

Peter’s fingers pause in the bag of bread. She can hear him sigh, watches as his fingers twitch and he goes back to making Emmi’s sandwich. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Peter,” Lara Jean stresses. “There _is_. You’ve been short with me for three days. I just — whatever I did please just tell me.”

“You didn’t do anything,” Peter says, voice clipped.

Lara Jean huffs, crossing her arms over her chest. “Obviously I did, or you wouldn’t be like this with me.”

The room is silent for a moment. Lara Jean watches as Peter spreads the peanut butter on the bread, cutting the sandwich and tossing the knife into the sink. He meticulously wraps it in tinfoil, placing it in her lunchbox and setting it in the fridge.

“Why won't you just tell me what’s going on?” Lara Jean presses after a moment, waiting until it’s obvious that he’s not going to say anything. “I want to fix this, Peter. Apologize for whatever it is that I did that upset you. But I can’t do that if you’re not going to tell me what it is I did that made you so upset.”

Peter is silent, putting his dishes from making Emmi’s lunch in the dishwasher, cleaning off the counter. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even look at her, and while Lara Jean thinks maybe most people would be upset, she just grows frustrated.

“This is exactly how you got in college when you had your surgery, and we both know how that ended,” She bites. Her hand rests firmly on the counter and she tries desperately to keep her composure.

“Lara Jean —“

“I don’t know why you push me away every time something happens. I don’t know why you close yourself in, why you won’t just tell me what’s going on or what I did. You always did this, and I always gave you the benefit of the doubt. When we were teenagers, you had a lot going on with your dad. In college your entire life was changed with that injury,” She pauses, taking a deep breath. “But we are not teenagers anymore. We had lives apart from each other. You had a _kid_ in that time apart. We’re married now. And you need to learn how to tell me what’s going on so we stop walking on eggshells around each other when something happens.”

She doesn’t wait for Peter to answer, but instead brushes past him and back down the hall, getting ready for bed and climbing in on her side. Her eyes are closed when she hears the door push open. Peter shuffles around the room, pulling off his clothes and slipping into the bathroom to brush his teeth. She feels the bed dip beside her, the blankets being pulled up over him, and then it goes silent for a moment.

“You’ve been working such long hours and so have I and it’s made things worse,” He says quietly. Lara Jean doesn’t move. “But the other day you came home and you were tired and I was exhausted from finishing the last of my presentation, and you made some passing comment about how I needed to help more with cleaning the kitchen when you’re not home for dinner and how sometimes it felt like you were a single parent signing forms and cleaning the kitchen and finishing up at work late.”

Lara Jean stills beside him. She didn’t mean anything by it — she regretted it the second it left her lips, actually — and she had apologized and said that wasn’t what she meant then. But it wasn’t that simple with Peter, at least not in this situation.

“I just — you apologized that second. Immediately. Said how you didn’t mean anything by it and you were just exhausted. But it still hurt because I was going to clean it just before you walked in the door.” Lara Jean can hear him breathe. “I don’t want to be like my dad. Checking out, leaving things for you to do like he did to my mom. And that night you just… it made me feel like maybe I was becoming him.”

There’s a silence between the two of them, but before she can reply, apologize again profusely and tell him that she meant none of that because he is _nothing_ like his dad, he shifts in the bed.

He presses a light kiss to the side of her head, shuts the light off, and drifts off to sleep.

_______________________________

Lara Jean’s working late at the bakery.

There’s a huge wedding this weekend, one that involves 100 cupcakes and a three tier cake, and she feels behind on it all. So she sends a quick text to Peter, lets him know to have dinner without her and she’ll just eat the leftovers when she’s home, and sets her phone down to get to work.

Peter left early that morning, another presentation looming for a new vendor. He kissed her on the cheek on his way out the door, but the tension was still thick in the air and Lara Jean knows she needs to apologize and talk through everything he said the night before, it’s just about finding the right time and place for it all.

She’s knee deep in three different frosting flavors, powdered sugar dusted across her cheek when the door out to the front swings open. Lara Jean’s expecting it to be Nick in search of another tray of cookies to put on display, but then the person clears their throat and Lara Jean looks up, eyes widening as Peter stands there with a bouquet of lilies in her hand — her favorite flower.

“Peter,” She breathes, chewing on the corner of her lip. “Did you not read your texts? I — you know I have to work late, right?”

There’s a half smile on Peter’s face as he nods, taking a step forward. “I do, but I also talked to Jenna, and she said that you could afford to sneak away for an hour for dinner.”

Lara Jean chews on the corner of her lip, glancing down at her phone at the time. She doesn’t know that she really does have an hour to spare, but after the last few days and so much left hanging in between the two of them, it feels like saying no would make things worse.

“Okay,” She breathes. She wipes her face off, washing her hands and turning back. “Do we have to go get Em?”

“Gabe and his girlfriend Talia have her,” Peter replies easily. “Want to go to the diner?”

He watches as Lara Jean hangs up her apron and turns back, nodding. “Okay, yeah.”

He reaches out for her hand when she’s ready, and silently they slip out of the bakery, Lara Jean promising to be back soon.

—

Lara Jean waits until her Cherry Coke and a plate of fries for them to share is placed between them before she begins to speak.

“I heard everything you said last night when you came to bed,” She says softly, twisting her straw through the ice. “Peter, I never meant to make you feel like you were becoming your dad. I shouldn’t have said that, you know. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

Peter nods, plucking a fry from the plate and popping it into his mouth. “No, I know you didn’t. It’s just that I’ve spent so much of my life trying to not be like him that when you said it I wondered if you really did mean it and you were trying to backtrack. It’s ridiculous.”

“It’s not,” Lara Jean cuts him off immediately. “I was just annoyed. It was a bad day at work and I took it out on you when I came home and saw that remnants from dinner were all over. It normally wouldn’t bother me, but…” She trails off, shrugging.

Peter nods, watching Lara Jean drag a fry through her ketchup. “I really was going to clean it up right before you got home,” He says softly. “But Emmi took a while to go to sleep because something happened between she and Lila at school and she was upset about it. And that took a lot out of me and threw me off.”

“Peter, why didn’t you just tell me that that night?”

“Because your comment threw me for a loop,” Peter breathes. “It was dumb, like I said. I wasn’t thinking about telling you anything, I was thinking about how I was turning into my dad.”

“You’re _not_ ,” Lara Jean says firmly. “Peter, you’re nothing like him. And I’m sorry for saying that you are and for saying that I felt like a single parent.”

Peter ducks his head.

“I don’t feel like that, okay? She’s not even my kid, she’s yours. And I love her as if she was my own, but at the end of the day I know you and her have a relationship that we’ll never share quite the same way. You spent so many years alone, I should’ve never made you feel like the second we got married you stopped worrying about Emmi or dumped the responsibilities onto me.”

“She’s your kid, too,” Peter argues. He stares at the fries, reaching out for another. “And I know you’ve been signing things and making decisions and marking her field trips on the calendar. I’m sorry that I sort of dropped the ball on that the last few weeks.”

“You’ve had a long few weeks. Lots of things going on. It’s normal for us to trade off parental duties.”

Peter nods, but his eyes are still fixed on the fries as he takes a sip of his iced tea. Lara Jean reaches out, fingers resting on the back of his hand. “You’re an incredible dad, you know? And I’ve told you this so many times since we’ve known each other, but it’s okay to let other people take over and ask for help from them.”

Peter nods. He flips his hand over, squeezing her hand gently. “I’m trying,” He breathes, eyes glancing up to meet hers. “And I know I’ve been so bad at pushing you away all these years. Since forever.” A hint of a smile tugs at his lips, “But I’m going to be better.”

Lara Jean nods, smiling. “I know it’s going to take time,” She says quietly. “I know you don’t magically fix this. And you _have_ been doing better. With letting me in, with telling me what’s wrong so I can help. This fight doesn’t erase all that.”

Peter nods, lifting her hand to brush his lips against her knuckles. “I love you,” He breathes. “Thank you.”

“I love you too,” She smiles. They break apart when the waitress brings her sandwiches. “And maybe we start giving Emmi more responsibilities? It’d help us and she’d feel like she was helping more.”

Peter smiles, taking a bite of his sandwich and nodding. “That could help us with a lot,” He agrees, and as Lara Jean laughs and agrees quietly they fall into a conversation that’s much lighter, one that Lara Jean has been missing the last few days.

Peter pays for their dinner and reaches for her hand, the two of them walking the few blocks back to the bakery. It’s closed by now, but in the small window looking into the back of the bakery they both can see people working, finishing off the last of the huge order.

“I’m hoping to be home in a few hours,” Lara Jean says easily. She leans against the exterior brick wall, smiling as Peter’s fingers twist her rings around her hand. “Give Emmi a kiss goodnight for me? Tell her I’ll do her hair however she wants tomorrow to make up for me missing tonight.”

Peter smiles, Lara Jean feels her heart flutter as he ducks his head. “I will. Text me when you’re on your way?”

Lara Jean nods, squeezing his hand and leaning up on her tip toes to kiss him softly. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” He smiles, kissing her again for good measure before she slips back in the back door, grabbing her apron and getting back to work with a smile on her face.

—

The living room light is the only thing on when she arrives home just after 9. The kitchen is sparkling clean, the flowers Peter brought to the bakery earlier that afternoon are in a vase on the island, a picture resting underneath it.

Lara Jean sets her things down, hanging up her coat and walking over to look at the picture. It’s the one Emmi draws all the time, the three of them together, but she drew a heart over she and Peter and the grin on her face only gets wider as she turns back to the fridge, hanging the photo up in the center.

She makes her way down the hall, peering in on Emmi before opening the half closed door of their bedroom, Peter half asleep on his side of the bed. “You’re home,” He mumbles, peering just underneath the arm that’s draped over his eyes. “I was going to wait up for you, but I have a headache and came to lay down for a minute,” He pauses, glancing at his phone. “And it’s been almost two hours.”

Lara Jean smiles, sitting on the edge of her side as she reaches over and brushes her fingers through his curls. “I love you,” She mumbles, leaning forward and pressing her lips to his.

When they pull apart Peter rests his hand on the skin just underneath her shirt, a smile tugging at his lips. “I love you too,” He whispers, lifting his head to kiss her again. “And I’m going to be better.”

“So will I,” She agrees, moving to straddle his hips.

Peter groans, pulling her down against him and kissing her rougher.

Things weren’t perfect, there were things they both needed to work on, but they were at least on their way to being better.

And maybe that was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhh did that not feel like the longest week ever between ending the new babies fic and adding another one-shot to this fic?! it felt like ETERNITIES FOR ME.
> 
> anyway as you can tell there are no babies in this one, and next weeks won't feature ANY kids (it's actually a college flashback), BUT after that the kids will be in them and we will get to see more of the twins! i've had these written for a while, and i have a list of the one-shots people asked for for this universe, so we'll probably flip back and forth between 3 kids/just emmi/no kids :)
> 
> thank you guys so much for reading/commenting/being the best! i love you all :) see you next sunday! 
> 
> title of the chapter is from Jet Black Heart by 5 Seconds of Summer :)


	5. I won't hesitate for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sometimes Lara Jean just needs to drive 3 hours to see her boyfriend (college flashback)

Peter chews on the corner of his lip, pen tapping against the corner of his textbook.

He’s been on FaceTime with Lara Jean for 43 minutes, and at least half of them have been spent studying for his huge history test the following week. Each chapter he finishes outlining, he picks a new cookie flavor for Lara Jean to try to make for him when they’re back home for break.

“You have one more chapter,” Lara Jean sings, reaching around her laptop for her bag of popcorn. “I have faith in you!”

Peter sighs, running his fingers through his curls. “Playing lacrosse was a horrible idea. I feel like I’m missing so much, and now when I could just be FaceTiming and talking to you, I have to study. Maybe I should just quit.”

Lara Jean frowns, knitting her eyebrows. “Peter, lacrosse is your favorite thing in the world. And besides, it’s what got you into college. You can’t quit.”

“No, I know,” Peter nods. He tilts his neck, cracking it. “I’m just — this is stressful. And missing class and making time up is stressful.”

“Three weeks till break,” Lara Jean offers weakly. “And then you and I can lay in bed and do absolutely nothing for an entire week. No more FaceTime dates, no more long hours of studying.”“At least for the hours I’m home in between practices.”

Lara Jean can’t help but sigh. She’d forgotten that lacrosse doesn’t stop for breaks. Peter was coming home, commuting back to campus for practice, so it wasn’t like they weren’t going to see each other. But it’d be hard and he’d be exhausted, and their coincidental coinciding spring breaks were being ruined by the one thing that seemed to be the root of all of Peter’s stress.

“We’ll figure it out,” She says softly, but it doesn’t feel like enough and when Peter nods it doesn’t feel sincere.

They talk until Peter finishes the last of his studying and requests the last of his cookie flavors, and when he’s falling asleep halfway through a story she urges him to go to bed, promising him that they’d talk when he’s more awake.

_______________________________

Lara Jean pulls into the parking lot of Peter’s dorm building, navigating her way into a visitors parking spot and texting Hayley until she answers.

Grabbing the container from the passenger seat beside her Lara Jean walks across the pavement and towards the door to the building, the last of the winter air blowing coolly against her face when she spots Hayley.

“He’s going to be so excited you’re here,” Hayley smiles, reaching out and pulling Lara Jean for a hug. “No offense to him, but he’s been unbearable the last few weeks. I think this whole lacrosse schedule and harder classes this year has really thrown him off.”

Lara Jean nods, following Hayley into the elevator. “Thank you for helping me plan all of this. I don’t know how I would’ve pulled it off without you helping me.”

Hayley sends her a grin, leaning back against the wall of the elevator. “He really loves you, Lara Jean. The way he talks about you…” She stops, shaking her head. “It’s like you hung the moon.”

Lara Jean blushes.

“We used to tease him about it. Say how cute it was that he loved you and you were far away at school, and then we found the scrapbook the two of you made before you left for school last year?”

Lara Jean nods. “He definitely wasn’t into that project,” She admits sheepishly, but her heart flutters at the thought of him bringing it to school and leaving it in his dorm room and having his friends accidentally find it. "But I'm a sentimental person and he knows that, so he just went along with it. He definitely didn’t have to.”

“You know, that makes me just fall in love with him more,” Hayley smiles, stepping off the elevator after Lara Jean. “He’s really lucky to have someone like you.”

Lara Jean just nods, swallowing thickly as she follows Hayley down the hall. Peter’s dorm is at the end — that much she remembers — but the halls are filled with people going out to parties and music blaring, and for a moment Lara Jean misses her own dorm, which was decidedly much quieter, but also didn’t have as much fun as Peter’s seemed to.

“I’ll let you go in alone. Mark is home for the weekend, something about his sister’s birthday. So you’ll have the dorm to yourself,” Hayley smiles, and Lara Jean doesn’t miss her wiggling her eyebrows in suggestion.

Lara Jean nods, reaching out for another hug, prolonging the moment she just spent three and a half hours wishing for. “Thank you, Hayley. We’ll see you sometime this weekend?”

Hayley brightens, pulling away. “Definitely! I’d love to steal you guys away for lunch or something,” She says, Lara Jean nodding as Hayley disappears down the hall back towards her dorm room.

Lara Jean stands there like an idiot for a moment, hand hovering just above the door. Peter’s neighbor leaves his room, smiling at Lara Jean as if he knew her or something, and then disappears into the bathroom.

She forces herself to knock, bouncing on her toes as she hears shuffling behind the door.

“Hayl, I told you I don’t have time to stop to —“ Peter swings open the door, eyes widening. “What the fuck.”

Lara Jean laughs. “I promised you cookies for studying all those hours last week,” She shrugs. “Chocolate chip, fruitcake, butter, and oatmeal raisin?”

Peter laughs, pulling her arm into his room, mouth roughly colliding with hers. “I can’t believe you’re actually standing here in my dorm room,” He mumbles, fingers nipping at her hips.

“Well, you seemed pretty stressed out. And I didn’t have anything going on this weekend and I knew you had the weekend off from lacrosse, so I thought I’d come visit you. Keep you company while you study.”

Peter smirks, taking the cookies from her hand and setting them on his desk. “Well, I am insanely grateful that you’re here,” He begins, looping his fingers through her belt loop, pulling her impossibly closer. “But I can’t imagine I’m going to get much studying done with you right there.”

She laughs against his lips, kissing him again much more softly this time, her hands squeezing his arms as she stands on her tip toes. “What were you doing before I got here?” She asks quietly, letting him take her hand and lead her over to the bed.

“Trying to study,” He admits, gesturing towards his textbook and notebook splayed out across his bed. “Ignoring texts from Hayley and Dan and a few other people about parties going on tonight. I’m trying to be good. Get a good grade on this test, move past it. But it’s definitely _not_ easy.”

Lara Jean nods, jumping up to sit on his bed. “Maybe you shouldn’t be laying in bed and studying?” She offers, teasing. “I hear the libraries are a great place to study. Even sitting at your desk the university generously provided for you.”

Peter rolls his eyes, grabbing her ankles and pulling until he’s standing between her legs, arms resting on her hips. “You are just full of answers, aren’t you?” He teases, and then his lips are on hers again and Lara Jean can’t find it in her to protest, fingers tugging at the edge of his t-shirt.

He lets her pull it up over his head, quickly following with her own, and when he pulls back to lock his dorm room Lara Jean just laughs, pushing his notes and textbook out of the way.  
She missed him more than anything.

_______________________________

Peter pulls the blankets up over them, sitting up and reaching out for the container of cookies Lara Jean brought with her.

“I think this is the perfect time to have one of your cookies,” He says quietly, voice hoarse as he kisses her again, pulling a fruitcake cookie from the container.

Lara Jean scrunches her nose, taking a butter cookie for herself. “I still don’t know how you eat those things,” She smiles, taking a bite of her own cookie. “Or how you thought eating my cookies was the best choice of things we could do together just after sex.”

“I mean, was I wrong about eating them now?” He smiles, taking a big bite of his cookie. “And for your information, Covey, you were the one who turned me on to these fruitcake cookies. I wouldn’t have known about them if you didn’t make them at Christmas.”

“Fair,” Lara Jean shrugs, finishing off the last of her cookies. “I’ve missed you,” She breathes, falling back against his pillows. It smells like him, and for a moment she forgets that she’s leaving in a few days, that this is only a weekend trip.

Pete finishes off his cookie, putting the lid to the container back on and collapsing back onto his pillow beside her too. “I missed you, too,” He admits, kissing her again. His lips are sweet and his thumb brushes along her jaw, sending chills down her spine and a moan vibrating against his lips. “I’ve missed this. I’ve missed _all_ of you.”

Lara Jean smiles, hand resting against his bare chest. “Normally I’d be annoyed that you bring up how you missed the sex an hour after I got here, but I can’t help but agree,” She mumbles, kissing him again.

They lay in his bed until the music in the hallway has died down and people have all gone to parties or to hang out with friends. Peter’s fingers draw patterns along her sides, pressing gently at the points he knows drive her crazy.

Lara Jean runs her fingers through her hair, other hand tracing up and down his arm and his chest, staring at him as she memorizes the way his hair looks and the dark circles under his eyes from long hours of studying, and how the scar right next to his mouth is darker from being in the sun the last few months at the lacrosse training camp in Florida.

They convince each other to get dressed, Peter orders Domino’s on his phone, and they camp out in his dorm room with a romcom playing on TV and a pizza between the two of them, reveling in the moment together.

No more studying gets done that night, but Lara Jean falls asleep with her head resting on Peter’s chest, and he suddenly doesn’t care all that much about the studying at all.

Lara Jean was there with him, and nothing else could be better than that.

_______________________________

Despite Peter’s feeble attempts at getting out of it, Lara Jean does make him study most of Saturday. She bribes him, reading through flashcards and giving him a kiss with each one he got right. Each section earned making out, and while it was incredibly juvenile way of getting him to study, Lara Jean finds herself loving it almost as much as he does.

“I think you’re going to do really well with this test,” She declares when they’ve made it through three of the four sections he has to study, but Peter just gives her a wary smile and takes a sip of his water.

“I don’t know. I mean I’m getting it now…” He trails off, shoulders sagging slightly. “It doesn’t always stick with me when I’m sitting in the exam room taking the test.”

Lara Jean leans forward, crashing her lips against Peter’s, smiling. “Will that help?”

Peter laughs, pushing his textbook out from in between them, pulling her closer and kissing her again. “It’s definitely not going to hurt,” He smirks, pulling her on top of him and kissing her again.

—

They spend most of the afternoon studying, only stopping a few times to make out, and by the time dinner rolls around Peter feels a lot more confident about his test as he reaches for his phone.

“Hayley, Dan, Jess and Nate are going to the bar down the street for dinner. They asked if we want to go,” He says idly, scrolling through his phone.

“That would be fun,” Lara Jean shrugs, tying off the end of her braid. “I told Hayley we could see each other this weekend.”

Peter peers over the top of his phone, raising his eyebrows. “She sucks you in, doesn’t she?” He smirks, typing back.

“She’s very nice, Peter. I’m glad you have friends like her here. She seems to keep you grounded.”

“I don’t know that I’d say that,” Peter smiles. “She has a wild side to her. She’s definitely tried to make me go to parties when I should be catching up on missed work from away games. Freshman year, at least. She’s been a little more studious now that we’re sophomores.”

Lara Jean manages a laugh, nodding. “Well, I think she’s great. And I haven’t seen your other friends for a while, but I’m sure they’re great, too.”

“You’ll find out because I told them we’d be there,” He smiles, locking his phone and tossing it back onto the bed. “Which also means we have to make ourselves look a lot more presentable than we currently do.”

Lara Jean glances down, realizing she’s only wearing Peter’s oversized t-shirt, and nods. Peter slips out of his room and down to the bathroom while Lara Jean digs through her bag and slips on a dress, smiling when Peter walks back in and spins her around, kissing her softly.

“We will be resuming this when we get back,” He smiles, lips running along her jaw and fingers tickling her sides, and all Lara Jean can do is moan softly and nod, having half a mind to cancel their dinner plans.

But Peter pulls away and smiles, taking her hand and grabbing his keys as they leave for the bar down the street.

—

Peter’s friends are great. Lara Jean isn’t jealous — she has a great friend group down at UNC that she loves — but the conversation flows easily and they’re all so supportive of each other and for half a moment Lara Jean wishes she got into UVA so she could be here and experience this more often.

She talks about her life at UNC. How she finds some classes hard and tiring, but overall the semester hasn’t been too bad. Nate, who’s relatively new to the group after he and Jess started dating, asks about she and Peter and how they met, and together they rehash the fake dating and notes Lara Jean used to write, much to her humiliation.

“I can safely say that trend ended when I was a freshman in high school,” She argues weakly, Peter pulling her into her side. “But I never threw them out, and for as mad as I was about my sister sending them out, it did bring Peter and I together.”

“Your relationship is straight out of a movie,” Hayley smiles, shaking her head. “No matter how many times I hear this story, I’m always going to think that.”

“I agree,” Jess smiles, reaching into the middle of the table for some chips. “It’s super cute, just totally unrealistic for most people.”

Lara Jean feels the blush creep up on her face, reaching forward for her soda as she nods. “I’m really lucky,” She says quietly, smiling as Peter pulls her into his side.

By the time dinner is over Lara Jean almost finds herself sad to leave, hugging both girls as they stand out on the crowded sidewalks. “You’ll have to come back and visit us soon! It’s nice having you here with us,” Jess smiles, and immediately Lara Jean agrees, mentally thinking about a good weekend to come back and visit again.

She and Peter walk back to his dorm, Peter kissing her in the elevator and then again when he’s fumbling with his keys outside of his door, finally pushing the door open and rushing inside before they’re kissing again.

Peter’s fingers glide the zipper of Lara Jean’s dress down easily, pushing it off her shoulders and letting it pool on the floor around her ankles. “We’re going to make the most of tonight, right?” Peter breathes, voice quiet and rough as he kisses against her collarbones.

Lara Jean moans, fingers pushing at his jeans as she unbuttons them, head tilting back. “Yes,” She manages to squeak out, and by the time they’re both undressed and falling into his bed, neither of them want anything else.

_______________________________

Sunday morning arrives bringing gloomy, overcast skies, quiet walks, and a slow-moving Peter and Lara Jean.

They lay in bed for a while, Lara Jean pressed against Peter’s side, fingers tracing over his stomach. Peter’s fingers dance along her spine, breathing even against the top of her head, and if Lara Jean didn’t have a three hour drive ahead of her they would both lay there for hours.

They manage to get out of bed, lazily walking down the street to the diner Peter frequents. Lara Jean picks at her omelet, Peter eats his eggs with ease, and although the two of them both know what’s coming they choose to live in denial.

If there’s one thing Lara Jean is willing to admit it’s that Peter seems more back to his normal self. The stress that was radiating through the screen during their FaceTimes is replaced by a well-rested Peter, closer to the one that Lara Jean knows so well.

“You’re going to study more after I leave?” Lara Jean asks as she packs the last of her things when they’re back at his dorm room.

Peter rolls his eyes. “I’m going to study more. Promise,” He says quickly.

Lara Jean nods, swiping a sweatshirt from the floor and holding it up for Peter to see. He nods, biting back a smile when she pulls it over her head and has it almost swallow her whole.

“You’re going to call me when you’re back?” He asks, sinking down into the chair at his desk.

“FaceTime, even,” Lara Jean smiles. She stands back up, walking over to Peter and sitting down on his lap. “I wish I didn’t have to leave.”

Peter hums against her skin, kissing along her sweatshirt-covered shoulder. “I wish you didn’t either,” He admits. “Not much longer before break.”

Lara Jean nods, moving to straddle his hips as she kisses him again. He moves things further, fingers snaking up underneath her sweatshirt and against her cool back, lips moving slowly, decisively, like they were trying to savor the moment together.

It’s Peter who pulls away first, eyes sad as he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth. “You should get going,” He whispers quietly. “I don’t want you to, but it’s a long drive and I don’t want you getting back too late.”

Lara Jean hesitates and then nods, kissing him again once more before standing up.

They take the long way back to her car, hands interlaced as Peter carries her duffel bag downstairs. He slides it into the back seat, closing the door and resting his hand on either side of his her, leaning down to kiss her.

“Two and a half weeks,” He mumbles against her lips, kissing her again.

Lara Jean nods, arms wrapped around his torso, head moving to rest against his chest. “Two and a half weeks until we navigate break and practices.”

Peter nods, kissing her again for good measure. Her lips taste like vanilla and she smells like fabric softener and for a moment he thinks about begging her to just stay with him and forget about school.

Eventually she does climb into her car, leaning out the window and kissing him again, the two of them laughing at how absurd it all is. “I’ll call you when I’m back,” She promises. “I love you.”

“Love you too. Thank you for coming this weekend,” Peter smiles, kissing her hand before taking a step back, watching as she backs out of the spot and navigates her way through the parking lot, waving until she’s out of sight.

Lara Jean doesn’t look at her phone until she’s down the street and safely at a stop light, smiling at the text from Peter.

It’s a screenshot of a countdown app, a heart eye emoji, and _counting down to the seconds until we’re back together_ written underneath.

She sends back three heart eye emojis and a kissing face, turning up the playlist he made her and driving back to UNC with her heart a little more full than before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i did start writing a fic about what went wrong that led to the breakup back in college, but i never finished it and i felt like a happy moment between the two of them was more fun to have in this little universe now that everything is happy :) 
> 
> all three babies will be back next week! there isn't really any rhyme or reason to how i'm posting this, it's mostly just what i get inspiration from from your suggestions on the list in my phone :)
> 
> thank you guys for always being THE NICEST and commenting/leaving kudos/just loving this universe as much as i do :)
> 
> see you next sunday!!
> 
> the title of the chapter is from Hesitate by the Jonas Brothers :)


	6. every day with you is twice as sweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter learns his lesson to not go shopping with a 7 year old on very little sleep :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> based on you can follow me on tumblr [these stories](https://peter-covinskys.tumblr.com/post/184971959181/noah-on-instagram-story-may-18-2019) and how tired he looks, and a little inspiration from @queenie_004 :)

“Please don't kill me."

Normally, Lara Jean starting off a sentence like that will end up in an amusing story of something she did while he was at work.

But it’s late, their apartment is a maze of boxes and labels and plans to move in the morning, and the now two month old twins have been fussy since he walked through the door from work.

“In the haze of packing things and getting things ready for the morning when we move out, I may have packed the extra pack of diapers for the twins,” She smiles sheepishly. “Which means we are down to… four diapers between the two of them.”

“So what you’re saying is I need to go to the store,” Peter asks, and if he wasn’t so tired he really _does_ think he’d be amused by this predicament. “Because four diapers for the night and the entire morning until we find said box is not going to cut it.”

Lara Jean nods, shifting Olivia in her arms as she walks over to her husband, using her free hand to wrap her arm around Peter’s torso, tilting her head back so she can look up at him. “You know how much I love you, right? And you’re the best dad and husband and I am forever indebted to you and how amazing you’ve been the last few months,” She smiles sweetly. “But I really need you to go get those diapers for me. And a few other things from the list on the fridge.”

Peter laughs, tilting his head back and moaning quietly when Lara Jean nips at his neck with her mouth, Olivia fussing between the two of them. “I’ll bring Emmi with me,” He says softly. “It’ll be a nice father daughter date away from you and the babies for a little while. Not that a trip to the grocery store to get diapers and other food we need for tomorrow is a fun date.”

“She’ll appreciate it all the same,” Lara Jean smiles. “It gets her away from fussy babies who are ready to eat and sleep, doesn’t it, Liv,” Lara Jean smiles, cooing at the tiny baby in her arms as she moves to sit back on the bed, getting comfortable to feed Olivia.

Peter smiles, kisses both of them on the head and grabs his wallet from his dresser, checking in on Carter, who’s beginning to fuss in his bassinet.

“You’ll be okay with them for a little while?” He asks, but it’s a dumb question because Peter’s been back at work for weeks and Lara Jean has more than managed their daytime routine alone.

She nods despite the silly question, wincing as she adjusts and feeds Olivia. “We’ll be fine. I’ll feed her and get her down, and then feed him and get him down. By the time you’re back they should both be asleep,” She smiles. “Well, hopefully.”

“I’ll pray they are. For your sake,” He smiles, kissing Carter before walking out of the room, grabbing Emmi and making their late adventure to the store together.

—

Bringing Emmi was a horrible idea.

It’s not that Emmi is bad or anything — far from it, actually — but it’s late and Peter is exhausted from the lack of sleep the last few months, and giving into a 7 year old is far too easy in this state.

“We really need Twizzlers, Daddy,” Emmi smiles, holding a bag of Twizzlers firmly in her hands as she walks back to the cart.

“Why do we need Twizzlers?” He challenges, watching with tired eyes as Emmi tosses them into the cart without waiting for an answer. “Em, we can’t come home with a bunch of junk food.”

“Mama loves Twizzlers,” Emmi argues, stepping onto the end of the cart and holding on as Peter makes his way through the store. “And the babies make her really tired, so she should have some Twizzlers, right Daddy?”

Peter sighs, attempts to argue with that logic, and then closes his mouth and nods. “You’re right, she probably would like some Twizzlers.”

“Emmi, Mom sent us here for diapers and three other things,” Peter sighs when Emmi jumps off the cart and stares at the cereal in front of her. “We’re moving tomorrow, babe, we can’t get a million things.”

“But we’re going to need breakfast!” Emmi whines, and although Peter is exhausted and rapidly losing his patience he sighs, glancing at his phone. “Please, Daddy! You can’t make me _starve_ tomorrow!”

“Emmi, you’re not going to starve tomorrow,” Peter groans. “You’ve been spending far too much time with Aunt Kitty and Uncle Owen with these dramatics.”

“Aunt Kitty said it used to get her what she wanted,” Emmi shrugs, and resting on the cart.

Peter bites back a smile, rolling his eyes. “Remind me to have a talk with Aunt Kitty,” He mumbles. “You can pick _one_ cereal. One, Em. No asking for another.”

Emmi nods, eyes brightening as she turns back around, staring at the sea of cereals in front of her. And maybe Peter should’ve narrowed down the options to healthy options, like the strawberry and granola or corn flakes or something, but she pulls Coco Puffs from the shelf and holds them with a beaming, toothless smile on her face, and Peter can’t help but give in.

It’s nostalgia, he tells himself. He used to eat them on special occasions when he was her age, and Emmi really doesn’t get to have them all that often. Moving is a pretty special occasion, or at leas he thinks.

He can hear Lara Jean telling him she should’ve gotten something healthy in his brain. How she’d be annoyed for a minute, reminding him that this can’t become a habit, but then she’d eat them anyway and argue that they _were_ a nice treat, and so he justified it as a breakfast the whole family can enjoy.

“Now, can we finish our list please so we can get home and go to bed? We have a big day tomorrow,” Peter bargains, watching Emmi jump back onto the front of the cart as he makes his way into the next aisle.

“Everyone is coming tomorrow, right?” She asks, eyes trained on her father as Peter masks a yawn, nodding. “Are we going to have snacks for them?”

“We’re probably going to have pizza or something tomorrow for everyone,” Peter says quickly, because feeding the mass of people coming to help them in the morning has been the last thing on his mind when they’re juggling newborn twins who still aren’t on a consistent sleeping pattern.

“What about this?” Emmi asks, and when Peter turns back to find Emmi juggling a huge veggie platter in her hands he reaches forward and takes it from her, sighing. “It’s healthy this time!”

“It is,” Peter nods, eyes flicking between his daughter and the veggies in front of him. “And Mama would probably like it if we had healthy snacks, right?”

“She really would,” Emmi nods, smile growing. “So we should get it, right?”

Peter sighs, placing it in the cart. “One day I’m going to learn how to say no to you,” Peter smirks, laughing when Emmi does a dance in the middle of the aisle and hops back onto the cart.

Her bargaining techniques end up working for other unhealthy treats, like Fruit Roll-Ups and Rice Krispie Treats, and by the time they’re at the checkout armed with the diapers and three other snacks Lara Jean requested for the move the following morning, he realizes they’ve gone slightly overboard and their cart looks like an unhealthy food shopping trip.

“Your mom is going to kill us,” He mumbles as he loads things onto the conveyor to check out, helping Emmi with the veggie tray.

“I don’t think she will, Daddy,” Emmi shakes her head. “We got the babies diapers like she asked! She loves me and she loves you. She’ll be happy we have so many snacks.”

Peter laughs, wishing that was true, and as he pulls out his card to pay Emmi carefully loads the bags back into the cart, holding on as they walk back out to the car.

—

The apartment is quiet when they walk back through the front door juggling their bags of food. Peter sets snacks out on the kitchen counter for the morning when everyone starts to arrive to help them move, putting the cold food in the fridge and ushering Emmi down the hall to get her into bed.

Lara Jean is asleep when Peter quietly opens the door to their room, both babies sound asleep in their bassinets in the corner of the room. He sets the diapers down near the changing table, fumbling his way through the room and into the bathroom, changing for bed.

“You were gone a while,” Lara Jean whispers when she feels the bed dip beside her, turning over and shuffling her way closer to Peter.

“Never take Emmi to the store when you’re exhausted,” He mumbles, pulling the blankets up and his wife closer, lips pressing to the top of your head. “Did everything go okay here? Babies went to sleep okay?”

Lara Jean hums against his bare chest, pulling herself closer. “Fine. Carter was a little fussy, but he fell asleep and I carefully put him back to bed. I’m sure they’ll be up in a few hours anyway,” She mumbles, and Peter can feel her smile against him, lips pressing to his collarbones. “Thank you for going for me.”

“You’re welcome,” Peter smiles. He thinks about warning her. That he was weak and he’s exhausted and maybe he should’ve said no once or twice, but he can’t bring himself to do it.

“I’m so glad I have you to help me,” Lara Jean whispers, fingers dancing along his chest.

“I’m so glad we’re in this together,” Peter mumbles in reply, and as Lara Jean’s breathing evens out against his chest and his fingers run through his hair he drifts off to sleep thinking about how she probably won’t be so grateful when she sees everything they bought in the morning.

—

Peter runs his fingers through his hair after his shower, walking down the hall into the kitchen where Emmi is sitting at the island eating Coco Pops, Lara Jean is burping Carter, and Olivia is fussing in her cot on the floor.

“Livvy wants you,” Emmi sighs, pointing lazily behind her and shoveling another bite of cereal in her mouth as Peter walks over, gently lifting Olivia in his arms.

“Do I want to know why there’s a million unhealthy snacks lined up on our counters? And why our oldest child is eating possibly the most unhealthy cereal in existence?”

“They’re for our helpers?” Peter tries, a sheepish smile crossing his face. “I told you, I was weakened by being exhausted and a very persistent 7 year old.”

Lara Jean bites back a smile, rolling her eyes and carefully maneuvering between she and Peter to switch babies so she can feed Olivia. Peter balances Carter in his arms, crossing the kitchen littered with boxes ready to be moved and opening the fridge. “You didn’t even comment that we got a veggie tray!”

“See, Mama! Some was healthy!” Emmi says around a mouthful of Coco Pops, giggling. “We didn’t get all bad things.”

Lara Jean smiles, attention shifting back to her husband. “A veggie tray doesn’t cancel out the sweets in this apartment right now, but frankly I’m too exhausted and slightly overwhelmed by today to be annoyed.”

Peter smiles, leaning down and kissing her quickly.

“How did you survive before I was in your life?” She teases, voice light and eyes bright as they can be as she moves to make herself tea.

“I wasn’t the best at not giving in,” Peter admits, joining his daughter with a bowl of Coco Pops. “But she’s alive, isn’t she? And I’m very proud to say my child is a member of the no cavity club, and she’s never been sick from unhealthy food or something I cooked.”

Lara Jean laughs, shaking her head. “Really high standards there, babe,” She smirks, taking a sip of her tea as Peter balances Carter in one hand while he eats with the other.

“For the record,” She calls as Peter turns around to grab his phone so he knows when people start arriving, “You and Emmi are never going shopping for me again when you’re feeling particularly weak. I’ve learned my lesson.”

Peter laughs, holding his free hand up in surrender and nodding. “I won’t object to that new rule,” He smiles.

He thinks it’s probably for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for reading/commenting/leaving kudos! you're all the best i don't deserve any of this <3 <3 <3
> 
> more featuring the babies and emmi will be up next sunday!! 
> 
> title of the chapter is from Song for my Children by Dave Barnes :)
> 
> <3 <3 <3


	7. I love me some home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> moving day for the Kavinsky's!

Moving day comes on one of the hottest days of the summer.

Their apartment has been a sea of boxes for weeks, two newborns have taken over their lives, and a once excited Emmi has now been replaced with an Emmi who had the realization that newborn babies really _aren’t_ that much fun, and it’s going to be months before they’re really able to do anything with her that she would enjoy.

Their families come into the city to help them, mostly because Lara Jean is useful to the twins and basically only the twins right now. Peter’s bribed Gabe with a case of beer, but Gabe declines the offer and offers to help for free as long as he got to hold the babies when he was there.

“You do know it’s going to be fine, right?” Peter says, pulling on gym shorts and pressing a kiss to Carter’s head as he lifts him out of his bassinet. “We have so many people coming to help us. And the most you’re going to have to do is tell people where you want stuff. We can take our time unpacking.”

“We need our beds to be done today,” Lara Jean sighs, focusing on feeding Olivia. “Emmi’s already been sleeping in a sleeping bag for the last two nights because we packed up her bed. That needs to be our priority.”  
She glances up at Peter, noticing he’s biting back a smile. “Emmi’s really loved the whole camping vibe,” He offers, but Lara Jean just narrows her eyes and so he holds his hands up in surrender, laughing. “Beds will be done today.”

Lara Jean nods, head falling back against the pillows as she tries to steal a second of sleep, but it proves to be unsuccessful as Olivia finishes eating and she gracefully switches kids with Peter, a routine they’re slowly falling into now that it’s been two months since they’ve been a family of five.

“Do you think the babies will sleep better when we’re in the new house?”

“I don’t think they’re going to know we’re in a new house,” Peter smiles, pacing the room as he burps Olivia. “They’re still newborns, and aren’t they basically blind?”

Lara Jean opens one eye, peering over at her husband. “I don’t think they’re blind, no. They definitely recognize us. And they’ve been smiling at Em.”

Peter shrugs, moving to rock Olivia while checking his phone. “I think we’re getting the hang of this, my love.”

Lara Jean laughs, wincing as she adjusts Carter. “We kind of are, aren’t we?”

It had been a long two months of adjusting. They were both grateful that Peter’s mom stayed for the first week, trading off with Trina for the second week. Dr. Covey used the last of his vacation days and stayed with them for the third week, and by then they felt like they had their bearings and were ready to be alone.

It was an adjustment for all of them. Emmi, who had been over the moon about the babies and was basically bouncing off the walls when they arrived home from the hospital, had had a little setback after they settled in. The babies cried a lot and really only slept and woke up to feed, and quickly she realized that required a lot of attention.

Lara Jean was heartbroken about it, but recovering from having two humans was proving to be taxing and she was unable to give Emmi that attention she was so desperate to give her. Peter, who had been the best help and the best father that it almost made Lara Jean fall more in love with him (if possible), carved out time to take Emmi out for ice cream and to pick out a toy for herself to adjust to being a big sister.

Things had gotten easier. The twins were growing, becoming more alert and able to be left on a play mat more often, which in turn meant Emmi loved watching them and encouraging them to play with the toys dangling above them. Peter returned to work with minimal drama, and Chris stopped by a few times a week on her lunch break to relieve Lara Jean from being with the twins alone while Emmi was at camp and Peter was at work.

“Morning, Mama,” Emmi smiles when she pushes the door open to Peter and Lara Jean’s room, a smile on her face with a brush in her hand. “Do you have time to do my hair?”

“I do,” Lara Jean nods, gently moving Carter so she can burp him. “Can I just burp your brother first and then I’ll do it?”

Emmi nods, pulling herself up onto the bed, Peter helping her surround herself in pillows so she can hold Olivia. “Can I help get them dressed today?”

Lara Jean glances over, nodding quickly. “Yes, and then we have to get going so we can move!” She smiles, moving her free hand to poke gently at Emmi’s arm, smiling when she laughs. “Are you excited to move into the new house today? With your new room?”

Emmi nods, fingers tracing Olivia’s face as she talks to her, making her smile. “She thinks I’m so funny.”

“Because you _are_ , kid,” Peter smiles, pulling a t-shirt over his head as he walks out of their closet. Carefully he takes Olivia and Carter into his arms, disappearing down the hall to change them while Lara Jean pulls Emmi’s hair into french braids quickly, laughing as she follows Peter to help pick out the twins outfits.

Lara Jean takes the opportunity to pack up the last of their things in their bedroom, checking to make sure they had everything before joining everyone in the living room, the excitement far outweighing the nervousness she had been feeling about moving day with two newborns.

—

As it turns out, moving with three small kids is pure chaos.

Emmi had been good for the most part, helping carry out boxes that were small enough for her and handing Peter tools as he put beds together with the help of Dr. Covey. Eventually Lara Jean had corralled her to the front room with the babies, turning on a show on her laptop and keeping them there so they were mostly out of the way.

“The twins are going to nap soon, and then you can either help Daddy with your room or you can have quiet time,” Lara Jean says when she returns back after managing to unpack most of the kitchen.

Emmi glances at her from where she’s taken up a spot in between the twins and their play mats, sighing. “When will they not take naps all the time?”

“Soon,” Lara Jean smiles sympathetically, picking up Carter to feed him first. “And then when they’re awake more and moving and getting into all your stuff you’ll be mad that they’re moving.”

Emmi pouts for a moment, grin tugging at the corner of her lips as she shrugs. “I don’t know, Mama. At least they won’t be sleeping and eating all the time then.”

Lara Jean laughs, nodding as she sinks back onto the sofa that had been placed there in the middle of the move, feeding Carter and watching Emmi and Olivia play together on the play mat until it was time to switch.

“Can I hold Carter?” Emmi asks, scrambling up beside Lara Jean on the sofa. Warily she nods, situating pillows around the 7 year old and resting Carter in her arms, picking up Olivia to feed her.

Peter slips into the room, exhaustion written on his face as he masks a yawn. “So, Em’s bed is put together,” He says, smiling. “I was thinking I’d go get lunch for everyone while the twin’s sleep in their bassinets down here? And then we’ll keep unpacking.”

“Please,” Lara Jean sighs, wincing as she adjusts Olivia. “I’m starving.”

Peter nods, glancing down at Emmi. “Ems, you want to come with me? Carter is going to sleep anyway.”

Emmi glances between her little brother and her dad, shrugging. “He’s falling asleep anyway,” She whispers. “Can you please take him so I can get my shoes?”

Peter laughs, stepping into the room fully and waiting until Emmi is done kissing Carter’s head before carefully lifting him up, bringing him over to his bassinet to nap.

Lara Jean follows suit with Olivia, setting her down before turning to lean up, kissing Peter. “I know this place will look like the house of our dreams,” She whispers quietly, fingers running through his sweaty hair. “But right now I’m really wishing we had a genie that could do that immediately.”

Peter smiles, lips pressing lightly to her forehead. “You and me both,” He admits. “But we have a lot of helpers here, and you don’t have to do too much. Please _don’t_ do too much. Nap if you need to.”

“I’d feel wrong napping with everyone here,” She admits softly.

“You had two humans. They’d understand.”

“I had them two months ago,” Lara Jean smirks, but kisses him anyway. “I’ll think about it. Just go take your mini and get lunch.”

Peter laughs, kissing Lara Jean once more for good measure before taking Emmi’s hand, leading her out the door.

Commotion continues around the house. Quietly Dr. Covey and Owen put together the cribs for the twins rooms. Lara Jean can hear ceramic clattering in the kitchen as Mrs. Kavinsky, Kitty and Trina unbox the last of the dishes from a stray box they found in the living room. Lara Jean tells herself she’ll get up and help in a minute, but her eyes slip shut, succumbing the exhaustion as the babies sleep just in front of her.

It’s Peter that nudges her away, soft smile on his face as he holds up a bag full of chips. “We got sandwiches for everyone,” He mumbles, fingers caressing Lara Jean’s shoulder under her tank top. “Want to keep napping or come eat?”

“Come eat,” She decides after a moment, stretching before standing up. “I can’t believe I fell asleep.”

“Everyone understands,” Peter says quickly. “You had twins two months ago, Lara Jean. Frankly, naps are a luxury for us.”

Lara Jean hesitates but nods anyway, slipping down the narrow halls of the home and into the kitchen, where everyone is huddled around the kitchen table eating their sandwiches.

Conversation is minimal, if at all. Emmi talks about how they’re going to decorate her room that afternoon, Dr. Covey ropes Kitty and Owen into helping him string the lights in the backyard and set up the deck while the weather is bearable, and for a moment Lara Jean focuses in on Trina and Mrs. Kavinsky’s conversation, the women laughing about how they’ll just be in charge of setting up the nurseries.

When the sandwiches are gone and the bags of chips are picked through and people slowly get back to work Lara Jean stands at the sink of her new kitchen and washes her hands, looking out into the backyard to where her little sister and her boyfriend are following in the shadows of Dr. Covey, much like they did when they were little.

“Can you believe we live here?” Peter asks, standing behind his wife. His hands rest against her hips, thumbs brushing against the exposed skin as his lips press to the back of her head. “This is our home, baby. We’ve worked so hard for this.”

Lara Jean doesn’t admit that she still feels uneasy about all of this. The house is gorgeous, her dream home, and she knows they’ll live here for a long time to come. But they did stretch their budget and it’s a big house with more space than they’ve ever had, and some nights she lays awake with the daunting feeling nagging in her mind that maybe they’re taking on too much too soon.

“I love it so much,” She whispers after a hesitation, which isn’t a lie. “I just hope that we can keep it this gorgeous. And we can make as many memories as we had when we were growing up.”

“Our babies are going to have the best childhood,” Peter murmurs against her head, breath warm against her hair. “And we’re going to make sure of that.”

Lara Jean nods, head falling back against Peter’s chest as they laugh at Owen and Kitty not listening to directions, watching the scene unfold in front of them. Lara Jean’s content to stay here for a while, reveling in the odd quiet moment of moving with a million people in the house, but a baby cry breaks the silence and Lara Jean can’t help but sigh.

“We have kids who need us,” She smiles, turning so she can lean up to kiss him. “And you have a big child upstairs who is desperate to decorate her room just the way she wants it.”

Peter rolls his eyes, but there’s a smile tugging on the corner of his lips and he laughs, nodding. “I shouldn’t have agreed to decorate her room day one of moving.”

“I tried to tell you that,” Lara Jean shrugs, tapping his chest as she kisses the corner of his mouth. “But she deserves to have something that’s just for her today. To make her feel special,” She murmurs, kissing him quickly before disappearing down the hall to tend to her babies.

Peter stands in the kitchen for a moment, taking in the house he once only dreamed of being able to afford, and smiles.

It’s the first new chapter he feels totally positive about.

—

It turns out that decorating Emmi’s room with her gives Peter that one on one time they’ve both needed.

Emmi laughs the entire time they’re hanging up photos, moving and situating her bed just where she wanted it. “And then over here is my cool hangout space,” She says idly, gesturing to beside the fireplace, where her little chair and bookshelf had been set up.

“You’re 7, where did my little baby go? When did you become a teenager with cool hangout spaces?”

Emmi smiles a toothless grin back at him, shrugging. “I’m still 7, Daddy. I’m not a teenager yet.”

“Oh, so you’re still my baby?”

“I’m not a baby,” She sighs. Peter bites back a smile as he watches her run her fingers over her braid. “Olivia and Carter are your babies. I’m just your first kid.”

“Hey,” Peter sits down on the edge of the bed, staring at his eldest. “You know you’re so much more than just my first kid, right?”

Normally Emmi would roll her eyes and immediately say that she knows that, but it doesn’t come this time. Instead she stands there, rolling onto the edges of her feet before shrugging. “Sometimes I think you and Mama love the babies more than you love me.”

“Emmi,” Peter sighs. Chewing on the inside of his lip he opens his arms, welcoming his little girl into them. “Emmi, I don’t want you to ever feel like Mama and I don’t love you as much as we love the babies.”

“I know you told me that babies need a lot of attention,” Emmi sighs after a minute, playing with the symbol on Peter’s t-shirt. “But they need you and Mama all of the time.”

“Only because they’re so small,” Peter says quietly. “You needed me an awful lot when you were that age too.”

“And my mom?”

Peter hesitates. “And your mom,” He finally says quietly.

“Do you think my mom will want me again?”

“I don’t know,” Peter whispers, lips pressing lightly to her cheek. “Do you want her to want you?”

“I don’t know,” Emmi shrugs after a moment. “I think you’re the best daddy ever. And Lara Jean is a really good mama. I don’t really need her.”

Peter smiles, pulling Emmi closer. “I agree,” He says quickly. “But it’s okay to be sad or upset that she’s not here with you at least some of the time.”

The room is silent for a moment, and then Emmi looks up at him, eyes innocent. “Daddy, why did she leave?”

Peter lets out a breath, sighing. He knew this question would come eventually, that someday he’d have to search for an answer that he didn’t think was appropriate for a 7 year old. And it makes sense for it to come right after the twins were born and they were moving into a new house. But he wasn’t prepared, and the day was exhausting and a million parts were moving back and forth, and so he sighs.

“Maybe we talk about all of that when you’re a little older,” He concedes, almost giving in when the hopefulness on Emmi’s face falters and she nods slowly. “But just know that I’m not leaving, and neither is Mama.”

That seems to be enough for Emmi, who nods again and leans her head down against his chest, staring down at the box of decorations they had yet to hang up on the fireplace.

“Is this why you wanted to decorate your room with just me this afternoon? So you could get some alone time with me?”

“I just missed it only being me and you and Mama,” Emmi says softly. “I love Livvy and Carter, but I wanted you to myself.”

“All you had to do was ask,” Peter says softly. “Emmi, we’re going to make this the most fun afternoon in the world,” He smiles.

Emmi perks up, nodding as she stands up straighter, wiping the few wisps of hair away from her face. “Let’s decorate!” She smiles, laughing when Peter turns on some pop playlist on his phone that he doesn’t entirely hate, and together he and his first-born baby dance around her new bedroom he always wanted her to have and decorate it just the way she wanted it, and slowly but surely it feels back to the way it had been before.

—

By the time the sun sets and the heat of the summer cools off into a comfortable temperature, the house is 80 percent unpacked. Lara Jean still feels mostly overwhelmed by the boxes in the guest room they have to go through and sort out, but everyone has a bed to sleep in and they’re all exhausted from the day’s activities, and that’s enough for her.

Upon hearing about Emmi missing the one on one time she previously got it’s Lara Jean that bathes her and puts her to bed, letting her stay up longer to read extra chapters of the book she borrowed from the library. They laugh at the jokes and silly voices they make up for the characters, and even though it’s way later than Lara Jean thought it should be for bedtime, it’s a moment both she and Emmi needed.

The babies are asleep in their bassinets by the time she’s tucked Emmi into bed and watched her drift to sleep in her new room for the first time, and Peter isn’t far behind, halfway between awake and asleep.

“It’s nice to have everything almost unpacked, isn’t it?” Peter asks, parting his eyes just enough to watch his wife slip on one of his old t-shirts from a box in the corner of the room. “Just clothes and a few small pieces left to put together.

“Did we make the right decision?” Lara Jean blurts out, slipping beneath the covers. “Buying this house, moving Emmi to a place she doesn’t know.”

“I think every decision I make with you is the right decision,” Peter smirks, rolling onto his side. “But this is our forever home, you and I both agree. And maybe we could’ve prepared Emmi a little better, but she’s a Kavinsky. She can adapt.”

Lara Jean nods, staring at the ceiling. “I love this house,” She whispers. Her hand searches for Peter’s under the blankets, squeezing it. “And I love you and this life we’ve created together.”

She can hear Peter shifting, pulling closer to her. His lips press against the side of her head, then again just next to her earlobe. “We’re going to figure out this whole parenting thing. Juggling between the babies and Em.”

Lara Jean nods. “We’re going to make more of an effort to give her the one on one time she needs.”

“Agreed,” Peter says softly. His lips press along her jaw lightly, brushing her lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” She whispers in reply, feeling Peter shift and sink further down in bed, getting comfortable.

Lara Jean doesn’t fall asleep right away. She lays awake listening to her babies breathe from their bassinets in the room and her husband’s light snores. She listens to the quiet streets outside their window and memorizes the way the street lights cast into their currently curtain-less bedroom, and when she finally does succumb to the exhaustion after another night feed with the twins, she thinks about how many memories are going to be made in this house.

The twins learning to crawl and then walk. First days of school, new bakery recipes to try out. Falling in love, breakups, teenage years. Graduations, dances. Soccer tournaments in the backyard, or cookouts on holidays with family and friends.

It’s not going to be easy, Lara Jean knows that. There’s a lot of things she could say about how maybe they should’ve eased into a house this size. But then she thinks about the memories that will be made when they don’t have to move again, and she knows they’ve made the right decision.

Her family is sleeping in their forever home for the first time, and although it’s daunting and there’s a lot to do, she knows she’s never felt more at home in place that was hers.

She just can’t wait to start the rest of their lives here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so so much for reading/commenting/leaving kudos. you're all the best :)
> 
> more will be up next sunday!! next week is mostly lara jean/peter but all three kids will make a small appearance :)
> 
> title of the chapter is from Home by Johnnyswim :)


	8. everything will be okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lara Jean has her wisdom teeth taken out and Peter manages three kids

“This can be rescheduled for any other time, it’s really not that important.”

The argument is quick off Lara Jean’s lips, steadfast and firm as she sits down at the island with her husband, their three kids finally upstairs asleep.

“It really can’t,” Peter argues, eyebrows raised. “Do you not remember how I put off my wisdom teeth surgery and was in so much pain it was unbelievable?”

Lara Jean opens her mouth, hesitates, and then sighs. “I do,” She says meekly, pushing a penny across the granite. “But I also remember the pain you were in right after. And how loopy those pain meds made you feel.”

“Right up there with my leg surgery pain meds,” Peter smiles. “They’re good stuff, babe.”

Lara Jean sighs, her elbow meeting the granite. “I just got back to work full time. I feel like we just got into a good routine of the twins going to daycare and Emmi in school. And now I’m going to have to take time off?”

Six months was a luxury for Lara Jean. It gave her plenty of time to be with the babies at home, spend all her time focusing on raising them and napping when they napped, and not having to worry about the bakery. They stopped in every now and again, checking on things while the babies napped in their seats, and Chris still FaceTimed her for big orders. It was enough of a balance that Lara Jean still felt like she had control while being away from the bakery more than normal.

But just as some moms do, she found herself missing work. So, when the babies were in more of a routine and Lara Jean felt a little bit more like herself, she started looking around at daycares. There was one near the bakery, just far enough that she would have some space to focus on her work, while being close enough to be able to get to the twins should they need her.

And things were going great. The babies were thriving being around other kids their age, Emmi was loving school and constantly came home with new art projects and stories about the kids in her classes, and Peter getting a promotion at work was really just icing on the cake of how great things had been going six months into being a family of five.

Until Lara Jean needed her wisdom teeth out at her dentist’s urging. Which meant taking time off work, having Peter take time off work, and really not being able to do much for their kids.

“It’ll be fine,” Peter smiles, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “And you’ll feel a million times better once it’s over.”

Lara Jean shrugs, makes some noncommittal noise that sounds a lot like she’s going to protest, but then just tilts her head back to kiss him again.

—

Lara Jean’s being dramatic about it all.

Her leg bounces as she sits in the waiting room beside Peter, who’s answering work emails on his phone. She barely got any sleep the night before, laying awake staring at the ceiling thinking about the surgery and how long Peter was going to have to take over doing most things around the house.

“You’re sure you can handle the three kids by yourself for a few days?” Lara Jean asks suddenly, head spinning to look at Peter. “Because it’s not too late to reschedule, I’m sure they’d understand that —“

“Babe,” Peter smiles, looking up from his phone. His fingers rest on her thigh, squeezing gently. “I can handle three kids by myself for a few days,” He promises. “You’ll be there if I really need you and your dad is coming, but we’ll be fine.”

Lara Jean doesn’t have a chance to reply before the nurse is calling her name, smiling as she stands in the doorway. Beside him, Peter feels Lara Jean take a deep breath, leaning over and kissing him. “I love you.”

“You’re not being sent on some mission,” Peter laughs against her lips, but kisses her again for good measure. “I love you too. You’ll be fine.”

She nods, gives his hand one more squeeze, and stands up to follow the nurse back through the door. Peter busies himself catching up on emails and looking through proposals, and by the time the dentist appears in front of him he feels like no time has passed at all.

“Quick and easy,” The dentist replies, a smile on his face. “We’re going to keep her for a little bit to make sure she’s okay, but she did great. No complications.”

Peter nods, listening to aftercare instructions and holding the papers the dentist had given him, following him down the narrow hallways and into the private room.

“That’s my husband,” Lara Jean smiles, ice wrapped around her face. “Isn’t he so hot?”

The nurse smiles as Peter feels himself turning bright red, ducking away. from the spotlight. “He is quite the looker,” The nurse agrees after a moment, and somehow this whole thing got even more embarrassing.

“We met in high school,” She slurs, monitors beeping as she shifts in the chair. "But then we stopped dating. And he dated someone else.”

“The nurse doesn’t need to know our whole dating history, babe,” Peter smiles, trying to stifle his laughs. The nurse looks at him, amused. “Why don’t you just stop talking and rest?”

Lara Jean slumps but listens anyway, dozing somewhere between awake and asleep for most of the time. The nurse checks back in every so often, smiling. “You’ll be able to go home in a few minutes,” She says softly, and Peter takes that as his cue to start getting Lara Jean up and ready. 

The nurse helps bring bring Lara Jean out to the car, handing Peter her bag and a list of things to keep in mind while she’s home recovering. He thanks her again, makes sure Lara Jean is as comfortable as she possibly can be, and drives as carefully as he can back to their house in hopes he can get her in bed with minimal drama.

“I feel like I’m floating,” She mumbles around a mouthful of gauze, to which Peter stifles his laughs and kisses her forehead, brushing her hair off of her face.

“You’re fine. Just go to sleep. I’ll come check on you soon,” He mumbles, but he doesn’t have to say much else as Lara Jean nods, eyes fluttering shut before he’s even out of the room.

—

As it turns out, managing three kids while Lara Jean is down for the count is a lot harder than it seems.

He manages to pick the twins up from day care, thanks Lila’s mom a million times for bringing Emmi by after school even though he’s positive it’s out of the way for her and promises a baked good once Lara Jean’s back on her feet. Lila is excited about the promise of sweets, but her mom just smiles, promising that it’s not a big deal and she’s willing to help with whatever they need the next few days.

“We have to be quiet, Em. Mom doesn’t feel well after her surgery so she’s sleeping,” Peter says, balancing Olivia on his hip and walking back to the living room to make sure Carter is okay. 

Emmi nods, placing her shoes in the bin by the door and hanging up her backpack, joining him in the living room. “Can I bring her a snack when she feels better?”

Peter sighs, sitting on the ground as the twins play. “Maybe in a little bit. I’m sure she’d love to see you Em, but it hurts a lot and I don’t want you to be scared of that.”

Emmi sinks to the ground beside him, reaching out and handing Olivia her toy. “I won’t be scared, Daddy. It’s only for a few minutes,” She reasons, and for a moment Peter almost tells her to go up right away.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” He promises, and that seems to be enough for his eldest, who nods and shifts her attention to her little sister.

Emmi eats a gourmet dinner of mac and cheese, not that she complains, and then helps feed the twins their bottles as they sit on the couch together watching cartoons. The baby monitor placed by their bed in case Lara Jean wakes is growing louder, and thankfully Dan walks through the door armed with ice cream, soup and a smile.

“Hi Grandpa Dan!” Emmi says excitedly, apologizing to Olivia when she fusses as the bottle falls out of her mouth. “Mama is upstairs sleeping because Dad said it hurts.”

“I’m sure it does,” Dan smiles, setting the bags in the kitchen before returning. “Is that her on the baby monitor?”

Peter nods, shifting Carter to burp him. “She probably needs her pain meds,” He mumbles, sighing when Carter finally burps. 

“I’ll watch these two, you go tend to your wife,” Dan offers, and when he notices Emmi looking longingly at her father he takes Olivia from her, finishing feeding her so Emmi can go with Peter to see Lara Jean.

“You have to be quiet. And if it upsets you then you need to leave the room, okay?”

Emmi nods, tip toeing down the hall as Peter opens the door to their bedroom. “Hey, baby,” He whispers, flicking the corner light on as Lara Jean opens her eyes slightly. “I brought you some applesauce, new ice packs and your pain meds.”

Lara Jean groans, turning her head to face her husband, wincing as he helps her sit up. “Hey love bug,” Lara Jean mumbles when she notices Emmi hiding behind Peter, rubbing at her cheek when she speaks.

Emmi emerges from behind Peter, smiling. “Hi Mama,” She says quietly, walking to the edge of the bed. “Are you okay?”

“Mm, maybe not right now,” She mumbles, taking a bite of applesauce with Peter’s help. “But I will be, I promise.”

Emmi nods, staring as she rolls onto the sides of her feet. “Does it hurt?”

“A little, yeah,” She says, but Peter can tell she’s lying and smiles, leaning down to kiss Lara Jean’s head. “How was school?”

“It was good,” Emmi says, perking up slightly. “We’re reading a new book and then Lila’s mom let us play on the playground after school!”

“That sounds so fun!” Lara Jean says, sighing when Peter hands her her pain meds.

“Your dad is here,” Peter mumbles as he brushes Lara Jean’s hair away from her face. “I’ll send him up next time.”

“Thank you,” Lara Jean whispers in reply, letting him replace the ice packs. “Ems, can you come give me a kiss real quick before you and Daddy leave?”

Emmi hesitates, looking up at Peter. “Can I?”

“On the forehead,” Peter compromises, lifting Emmi up to let her kiss Lara Jean. 

“I love you,” Emmi smiles, holding Lara Jean’s hand.

“Love you too,” Lara Jean whispers, looking back up at her husband. 

“I’ll come back up soon to check on you. Let me know if you need anything,” He whispers, kissing her forehead and leaving her be, ushering Emmi back downstairs.

“You promise she’ll feel better soon?” Emmi asks over a bowl of ice cream, and Peter has never been so quick to answer a question.

“Promise,” He says firmly, kissing the top of his daughter's head as he joins her at the island with ice cream for himself.

—

On the second day, Lara Jean feels pain like she never has before.

It’s the kind of ache that lingers long after she moves her jaw, which makes eating and taking her meds near impossible. Peter’s a saint, sitting with her, holding her hand, gently coaxing her to have at least a little food in her stomach so she can have something for the pain while her dad tends to the twins for a little while.

And then they switch. Dr. Covey spends the afternoon on Peter’s side of the bed watching movies with his daughter while Gabe brings Emmi home and helps with dinner for the three kids now that the twins are eating solid foods.

“I brought Livvy in so she can go in her high chair,” Emmi declares, which sends a jolt of panic through Peter as he spins around to find his 7 year old carrying a very wiggly six month old.

“Em, Em, Em,” He says quickly, rescuing the younger Kavinsky from Emmi’s arms, setting her in her high chair. “I know you’re trying to be super helpful and you know how much I appreciate that, but I need you to not pick the babies up and carry them anywhere when I’m not watching,” He says carefully, setting a jar of baby food in front of Olivia.

“But why not?” Emmi asks, careful eyes watching Gabe bring Carter in to set him in his high chair. “I didn’t drop her and neither of us got hurt!”

Peter sighs, setting a hot dog in front of Emmi as he sits down to feed Olivia. “Because she’s wiggly and trying to move, and if she wiggles too much you’ll lose hold of her and drop her and she could get hurt,” He explains, smiling at Olivia as she takes a bite. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, baby, it’s just that I don’t want something to happen.”

Emmi sighs, sulking as she stabs her hot dog with her fork and drags it through the ketchup. “Fine, I won’t pick her up anymore without you there, I promise,” She mumbles. “When is Mama going to be better? She’d be nicer.”

“Hey,” Peter argues, which earns half a smile from Emmi. “In a few days, baby. I promise you.”

Emmi sighs, resting her head on her hand. “If I finish my whole hot dog can Mama and I have a popsicle together before bed?”

Gabe smiles at Peter, turning back to feed Carter.

“If Mama is feeling up to it,” He says softly. “And you need to finish your broccoli. But if she’s not you’re having your popsicle here, agreed?”

“Half the broccoli. And if she doesn't want to have one then I can eat it on the deck.”

“Emmi,” Peter sighs. He’s exhausted and running on little sleep, his shoulders sagging. “Fine, on the deck. And all of your broccoli except one piece,” He agrees before bargaining again, hiding his laughs when Emmi does an excited dance in her chair.

She manages to finish her hot dog in record time, though her pace slows when it comes to the broccoli. He cheers her on, reminds her the reward that’s ahead, and when she finishes and throws her plate in the sink she disappears to ask Lara Jean about popsicles before Peter has a chance to warn her.

“It’s cute she’s worried,” Gabe says, wiping Carter’s mouth. “I know you’re stressed taking care of all three kids, but Em means well.”

“She does,” Peter agrees, but it alone doesn’t feel like enough. “I just worry that she thinks she needs to help me with all of this. Or that she’ll end up hurting herself or one of them.”

He lifts Olivia out of her seat, situating her on his hip as they clean up from dinner.

“Mom wants banana and Grandpa Dan wants grape,” Emmi says when she returns, pushing her hair out of her face and walking over to the freezer to grab them popsicles.

“Back down when you’re done, and please don’t spill it,” He sighs, handing her napkins on her way by. “Listen to Grandpa Dan!”

“I will!” Emmi calls, tearing off the wrappers. “I’m glad Grandpa Dan eats the grape. They’re gross,” She shudders, smiling before taking off back down the hall and upstairs.

Gabe and Peter spend far too much time watching the babies roll and reach for their toys and come so close to crawling, and as Peter finally gets the breather he’s needed all day, he’s quickly realizing how it takes a village just to make sure everyone’s needs are met.

—

Most of the rest of the week is spent juggling making sure Lara Jean was comfortable and getting three kids to where they needed to be. Peter feels like he’s being pulled in 18 different directions, but thankfully Dr. Covey was a huge help with making sure Lara Jean had what she needed and helping with the twins.

On the third day of recovery Lara Jean managed to shower and make it downstairs, curling up on the sofa with Emmi after school to watch a movie. Emmi’s thrilled with the fact that Lara Jean seems to be on the mend, curling up in her side and sighing as Lara Jean’s fingers run through her curls.

“I like the way you play with my hair better than Daddy,” Emmi whispers, and Peter watches the two interact for a moment, falling in love with the way Lara Jean just accepts Emmi as her own all over again. “I’ve missed you, Mama. I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“Me too,” Lara Jean whispers, fingers moving to tickle Emmi’s back.

She glances over at her husband, smiling as wide as she can with chipmunk cheeks and some pain, and mumbles how much she loves him.

He smiles, replying that he loves her more back, and takes in the scene of his family of five curled up in the living room of his dreams.

It’s everything he could’ve asked for.

—

Dr. Covey leaves on Saturday, making both Peter and Lara Jean promise that if they need him to come back they’ll call. Lara Jean, who’s mostly feeling back to her normal self, promises that he’s done more than enough.

“You didn’t have to do this,” She smiles, hugging him and promising that they’ll be fine.

He kisses all his grandbabies goodbye, and together they stand on the front step and wave until he turns the corner and is out of distance.

Lara Jean puts the twins to bed while Peter tackles Emmi, and instead of their nightly tradition of watching Real Housewives and other trashy reality TV they can’t get enough of, they both fall into bed.

“I know I was a single dad before, but fuck, it’s so much harder with three kids,” Peter mumbles, yawning loudly as Lara Jean laughs and turns out the lights. “Just when Emmi would be content one of the babies needed something. And when they were happy Emmi was bored. Your dad helped, but god, I don’t know how you do it.”

“You are an incredible dad,” Lara Jean smiles, leaning over to kiss her husband. “Our children are the luckiest kiddos in the world to have a dad like you.”

“And you’re lucky to have such a hot husband,” Peter smirks, leaning up to kiss her again.

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh, when I walked into the room you said to the nurse, ‘this is my husband, isn’t he so hot?’”

“I did not,” Lara Jean says slowly, voice filled with horror.

Peter just laughs, running his fingers along her arm. “Oh, but you did. You also told her that we dated in high school, but then we broke up. I wish you said more, but that was pretty much it. Boosted my ego though.”

“Shut up,” Lara Jean rolls her eyes, making Peter laugh harder. “You’re the worst.”

“But I’m hot. And you love me.”

Lara Jean’s silent for a moment, and then she sighs. “Whatever, you are. It was good the nurse knew.”

Peter laughs again, kissing her softly before rolling back over on his pillows.

Lara Jean falls asleep dreaming of ways to get him back for the embarrassment the pain meds put her through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for reading/commenting/leaving kudos! you're seriously all the best :) <3
> 
> next weeks is what led to their breakup back in college. i mentioned that i had been writing it a while ago and a few people asked for it, so i finally finished it! it's over 7,000 words, so you have that to look forward to for next sunday!
> 
> title of this chapter is from People Like Us by Kelly Clarkson :)
> 
> see you next sunday!


	9. I will try to fix you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the events leading up to the college breakup between Peter and Lara Jean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy 7,000+ words of their college downfall!

It takes 3 hours and 26 minutes to get to UVA from UNC, a drive that’s filled with long stretches of highway, almost no civilization and staring at a lot of trees.

Lara Jean spends most of those three and a half hours half listening to podcasts, audiobooks and music, chewing on her cuticles until they’re reduced to nothing, her body running on adrenaline.

The call from Peter came just as she was getting ready to walk out to dinner with her roommates. She ignored it, typed out a quick text that she was going out to dinner but she promised that she’d call when she was back home, and shoved her phone back into her back pocket.

By the time she arrived at the restaurant and seated herself between Sophie and Elizabeth, Peter had called four more times, sent three texts asking her to call him or Owen, and Owen had called twice.

She takes a deep breath, setting her menu down on the table and excusing herself for a moment. The chill of the early spring air brushes against her cheeks when she walks outside, where she scrolls through her texts and lands on Peter’s name, calling immediately.

It rings four times, goes to his voicemail, and so she hangs up. Dials again, and has it go to voicemail once more.

Now she’s worried, her leg bouncing against the concrete sidewalk as she scrolls back through, finding Owen’s name and calling.

He answers on the third ring, and the commotion that’s immediately in the background quiets. “Hey, Lara Jean,” He says quickly, breathless. Worry etched through his voice.

Lara Jean leans back against the brick wall outside the restaurant, her leg bouncing anxiously. “Hey, sorry. I’m out to dinner with friends and I just realized you and Peter have both been calling me,” She says quickly. “Is everything okay?”

If she wasn’t so nervous she would’ve laughed at that question, because no, everything is definitely _not_ okay. But she doesn’t know what else to ask and so she resigns to watching the cars drive down the street and the couples out on dates and tries not to think about how something is so obviously wrong with her boyfriend.

“It’s Peter,” Owen begins. “He got hit in his lacrosse game and his leg twisted really awkwardly. We’re at the hospital now. But Lara Jean,” Owen pauses, taking a deep breath, “it’s really bad.”

“Okay, alright,” Lara Jean says, trying desperately to make her thoughts stop swirling and her brain from automatically thinking the worst. “I have to walk back to my place and get my car, but I can be there in a few hours.”

“If you can’t come until morning it’s okay,” Owen immediately replies, but Lara Jean really can’t even entertain the idea of staying this far away longer than she has to. “He’s getting an x-ray and MRI now, my mom is with him, but she doesn’t think this is going to be a short night here.”

“I can’t be here knowing that he’s in the hospital, Owen,” Lara Jean says. “I’ll call you when I’m close? See what’s going on then?”

“Okay, yeah,” Owen says quickly. Lara Jean feels like she can hear him nodding. “If I don’t answer just keep calling me. I’ll hear it eventually.”

Lara Jean agrees, saying a quick goodbye and giving herself a moment to compose herself. She texts Kitty, lets her know that she’s coming home and that if she wants to know specifics she can text Owen and ask him to explain it all when he has time.

She sends a text to her dad explaining that Peter is in the hospital and so she’s driving home tonight. He replies telling her to be careful, that he’s finishing up at the hospital and he’ll check on Peter, and to be careful.

And then she scrolls to her and Peter’s texts, the last one sent from him a heart emoji in response to her saying good luck at his game that afternoon.

I don't know when you’ll see this, but I talked to Owen. I’m leaving in a few minutes, I’ll be there by tonight. I love you, you’re going to be fine.

She hits send, walking back into the restaurant and through the crowd waiting, standing in front of the table of her friends. “Peter um, Peter got hurt at his lacrosse game today,” She begins. The emotions are starting to kick in, and quickly she shakes her head, taking a shaky breath. “He’s in the hospital, his brother thinks it’s pretty serious, and so I’m going to drive back to Virginia to be with him. At least for the weekend.”

“Oh my god, Lara Jean,” Elizabeth begins, setting her phone back down on the table. “Is there anything we can do? Do you want someone to come with you?”

Lara Jean smiles, shaking her head. “No, it’s okay,” She says softly. “I think I just need to be alone? I’ll text you guys. When I’m there and when I’m on my way back.”

Her friends nod, sending her well wishes as Lara Jean turns back, briskly walking back to their apartment.

She finds packing to be useless, shoving a bunch of leggings and sweatshirts into a bag, grabbing her wallet and running down to her car.

She calls Owen when she exits the highway, the clock nearing 10. He says that they’re waiting for another doctor to look at his scans, but they’re still in the emergency room and so she decides she’ll just go there, pulling into the parking lot and texting her dad just so he knows that she’s safe and made it back in record time.

Owen’s waiting for her in the waiting room, a nurse handing her a visitors sticker before they walk back through the halls and around the corner to Peter’s small emergency room where he’s halfway between asleep and awake, eyes parted slightly.

“Lara Jean,” He says softly, clearly influenced by the pain meds. She smiles, walking through the small doorway and over to the bed to kiss him, taking in the splint on his leg and how small he looks underneath the hospital gown and monitors attached to him, his hair sweaty and unruly on top of his head. “Owen didn’t say you were coming.”

“Wanted to keep it a surprise,” Owen says, a smile tugging at his lips. “Felt like you could use it after the last few hours.”

“Owen, let’s go get some drinks for the four of us,” Mrs. Kavinsky says, a knowing smile as she rubs Lara Jean’s shoulder, ushering Owen out the door.

“How are you?” Lara Jean asks once the door clicks, shifting her attention back to her boyfriend. “Owen just told me that you got injured and it didn’t look good, but he didn’t really say anything else. Or if he did I didn’t hear it.”

Peter smiles, taking her hand in his and squeezing gently. “It’s broken,” He replies quietly, nodding towards his leg that’s propped up on pillows. “It’s really bad. They’re waiting for the surgeon to review the scans, but…” He trails off, shaking his head. “They’re worried. Most likely an operation, but maybe no more lacrosse.”

“This season?” Lara Jean asks. She carefully sits down on the edge of the bed.

Peter shakes his head. “Ever, Lara Jean,” He says quietly. His hand comes up to run through his hair. “They don’t know that I’m going to be able to recover fully to ever play again. They said I’d heal enough to function normally, to be able to run and things, but contact sports are most likely out of the question.”

“Peter,” Lara Jean whispers, shaking her head. She doesn’t know what to say. Nothing she can say will make this better, it’s not going to magically heal his leg or fix the outcome of all of this, and so she just holds his hand, squeezing gently as she leans down to kiss him.

“How did you — you got here so fast,” Peter says quietly, leaning back against the pillows. “You shouldn’t have driven back.”

“Peter, all I knew was that you got hurt and you were in the hospital. I couldn’t stay at school and wait for updates. I didn’t have anything going on this weekend.”

“But you’re going back this weekend, right?” He asks. “It’s not that I want you gone, because god I love having you here, but,” He shifts uncomfortably, looking back at her, “I don’t want you to miss classes just to be with me.”

Lara Jean nods, understanding that he’s not trying to be rude, but it’s all a lot for her to take in and she knows she needs to just keep a level head and not interrogate him in the middle of the emergency room. “Let’s just have the weekend, okay? I have a study session in my class on Monday morning, so I can at least skip that.”

“Lara Jean,” Peter begins, but Lara Jean firmly shakes her head.

“Just relax. We’ll figure it out, okay?” She says, and Peter just nods, sighing as he holds her hand, his mom coming back with water for him and sodas for the three of them.

“Everything okay?” She asks, brushing her fingers through her son’s hair as he takes a sip of his water. Lara Jean’s let go of his hand by now, taking a sip of her soda and sharing a packet of crackers she had in her bag with Owen, but Peter nods.

“Just want to go home,” He mumbles. He doesn’t mention their conversation, doesn’t say that it hurts even though it’s obvious, and his mom doesn’t seem to pry. She just nods, brushing her lips against his forehead and promises that they’ll go home as soon as they can.

Peter’s released from the hospital just before midnight with surgery set for Monday morning, the surgeon not wanting to wait much longer before he puts everything back into place. Lara Jean helps him get changed back into his shorts and a sweatshirt, hands him his crutches, and slowly they walk back to the car his mom pulled around to the front door.

“Come over?” He asks, and so she agrees, kissing him quickly once he’s settled into the passenger seat before walking back to her own car and following him back to his house.

She stays just over an hour, where Peter passes out in bed with his leg propped up and ice resting above the brace, and for a split second Lara Jean really doesn’t know how she’s supposed to go back to school on Monday. She kisses him on the cheek, leaves a note on his bedside table that she left but she’d be over the following day to see him, and leaves the room without Peter stirring.

She takes the long way home, thankful to find her dad still waiting in the kitchen for her to get home, goodnight tea sitting on the island for her. She lets herself cry in that moment, talking about everything and how she rushed home and she hadn’t had time to process any of it. Her dad listens, nodding and promising that he’s in the best hands and he’s sure things will be fine and this is all just a worst-case scenario situation.

She goes to bed that night hoping her dad is right, and prays that she wakes up to a new day and better news than the chaos that night had brought.

_______________________________

Peter’s taken back for surgery early Monday morning before Lara Jean arrives at the hospital with donuts and coffee for she, Owen and Mrs. Kavinsky. Mrs. Kavinsky thanks her, giving her a tired smile.

“He just went back about 15 minutes ago. He’ll be in surgery for a little over an hour. Then in recovery, then you and Owen will be able to see him,” She says quietly when Lara Jean sits down beside her, patting her leg softly. “Thank you for coming, Lara Jean. I know you’re missing class to be here with him, but he really enjoys having you here. Even if he says you really should be back at UNC.”

Lara Jean nods, leaning back in the chair and taking a bite of her donut. “I couldn’t imagine being at school knowing that he’s here having surgery. It’s really not a big deal at all,” She confirms, dusting her fingers off over her napkin. “I also promised him I’d go back to school tonight once I see him. He got really worried I’d be missing too much,” She smiles.

Mrs. Kavinsky laughs quietly, shaking her head. “He’s always been like that,” She mumbles, and for a moment the waiting room filled with a few other families quiets and Lara Jean is left to her own thoughts.

“I know you and I had our differences in the past,” Mrs. Kavinsky starts again. Her hands are folded on her lap, her eyes trained on the coffee stain in the carpet just in front of her. “But Lara Jean, I can’t tell you how good you are for my Peter. You just — there’s a difference in him when you’re around. And long distance isn’t easy, I know, but I’m so thankful that you’re working it out.”

Lara Jean swallows around the ball of emotions in her throat, which she blames on the fact that she’s been up since 4am and barely got any sleep before hand, and smiles. “Thank you, Mrs. Kavinsky,” She mumbles, forcing herself to look up. “Peter is… he’s perfect for me. I’m glad we gave this a shot too,” She says quietly, smiling at the woman Peter has always felt closest to.

Mrs. Kavinsky reaches out to hold Lara Jean’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Lara Jean is left unsure of what to say, but she can sense that maybe this is a moment where she doesn’t say anything.

Maybe this is a moment where she just sits and holds her boyfriends mother’s hand, silently hoping that everything is going well and a miracle is pulled off just down the hall from where they’re sitting vigilantly waiting for any news.

—

It takes three more hours before Lara Jean can see Peter. He's out of it, leg bandaged tightly and resting on pillows when she walks into his hospital room. His gown is loosely covering him, heart monitors peeking over the thin fabric when he turns his head to look at her.

She notices a half smile on his face, walking over to take his hand and kisses him softly. “You really did stay,” He whispers, waving off his mom with his free hand when she tries to offer him a sip of water from the cup a nurse had brought him. “I thought you were going to drive back this morning.”

“And miss seeing you after?” She asks quietly, her thumb rubbing the back of his hand. “How are you feeling?”

“Rough,” He laughs quietly, shifting in bed uncomfortably. “I feel sick and my leg is throbbing, but the nurse said I have to wait a little bit for more pain meds.”

Lara Jean frowns, running her free hand through his hair while he leans into her touch. His mom and Owen step out, giving them a few minutes alone while they talk to the doctor about his stay.

“You’re going back to school today, right?” Peter asks, voice hovering somewhere between awake and asleep. His eyelashes flutter against his cheek and weakly he reaches for the water.

Lara Jean grabs the cup for him, making sure he has it in his hand before she lets go. “I’ll probably leave in a little bit,” She sighs, taking a seat in the chair beside his bed. “You that eager to get rid of me?”

Peter laughs, shaking his head. “No. I wish you could stay here until I’m released,” He confesses, leaning back against the pillows. “But you’ve already missed a weekend at school with friends, and now you’re missing classes. I don’t want you to do all of that because of me.”

Lara Jean nods, chewing on the inside of her lip. “I’m not missing much today, if you’re really that worried about my classes,” She smiles. “I’ll be back in time for my important classes tomorrow.”

Peter nods, takes a deep breath, and lets his head fall to look over at Lara Jean. “Just don’t want you to miss too much. I’m pretty boring here.”

“I won’t miss too much,” She promises, squeezing his hand gently. “Did they say when you’d be able to go home?”

“The nurse in recovery said in a few days, but she didn’t give me anything else,” He says. “Apparently when I was waking up I just kept asking for my mom and then to go home.”

Lara Jean laughs. “So anesthesia was kind to you then?” She teases, feeling a tiny bit of relief when he smiles at her. “I mean, you could’ve woken up asking some crazy questions or telling your nurses how hot they were. I think asking for your mom and to go home is pretty tame.”

“Still pretty embarrassing though,” He shrugs, pulling his gown up further. “But you’re right, I could’ve been much more embarrassing.”

“They’ve heard worse than what you said,” She assures him, running her fingers through his hair.

Peter nods, letting the silence fill the room for a few minutes. Lara Jean is almost positive he’s asleep, but he turns his head to his side, letting his eyes open halfway to look at her. “Love you. Thank you for coming to be with me. And getting up early. And sitting here with me. I know you could be doing a million other things right now. You _should_ be. But I’m really glad you came home.”

“Love you too, Peter,” She smiles, standing up to kiss him softly. “I will always be here for you, you know. This is the most important thing right now,” She sits back down and holds his hand while he drifts off, her mind wondering how she’s supposed to just leave all this in a few hours and help him long distance until break.

_______________________________

Lara Jean does return to school the night of Peter’s surgery, promising that she’d come home soon to be with him and they could FaceTime in the meantime. Peter nods, squeezes her hand and forces her to give him a million kisses before she leaves the hospital, requesting at least a text to know that she’s back home safe.

Peter is released from the hospital two days later, and the next three weeks are spent with FaceTimes, texts and phone calls with Lara Jean whenever they have time. It’s not the same as having her there, but he keeps her updated on his recovery (which really nothing happens the first few days), she tells him about her classes and the new things she’s learning to bake in her free time, and it makes it all feel a little more normal.

Peter returns to school five days after surgery, quickly realizes that it’s almost impossible to live in his apartment and get anywhere on time, and then calls his mom in tears (he blames the pain meds) because this whole injury ruined his life and he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to do anything now because he can barely get himself to class without leaving almost an hour early.

Lara Jean listens to him talk about it over the phone one night, half distracted by a homework assignment for her baking class. “I think you need to take a deep breath and think about what you need,” She says quietly after he’s ranted for almost 5 minutes. “It’s obvious that you can’t get to class without leaving at an unreasonable time. Is driving out of the question?”

“Need to wait until the doctor clears me,” He says quietly, rubbing at his eyes. “I go back next week. Maybe then he’ll say it’s fine. But even then I’m not guaranteed a spot on campus. Injured or not, they don’t always have them for people who live off-campus but don’t commute.”

“Peter, have you thought about taking the semester off?” She asks carefully. “You just had a pretty major surgery. Maybe taking the semester to focus on recovery and learning to walk again and getting stronger would be a good option.”

He shifts uncomfortably in his bed, sighs, and runs his fingers through his hair. “I can’t take the semester off,” Peter says firmly. “I’m _not_ taking the semester off. My scholarship would probably get fucked, I don’t want to graduate late. College is expensive, I can’t risk any of that.”

“Then maybe moving home is your best bet. You could get a commuter pass, your mom and Owen will be there to help you when you need it, and you’ll be able to recover without the overwhelming urge to go out and party with all your friends when you know that you can’t.”

Peter says he has to go not long after, mumbling something about how he’s tired and it’s going to take him 8 hours to shower. Lara Jean says she loves him, lets him go, and he spends an obscene amount of time trying to get into the shower before growing frustrated and staying in just long enough to wash himself before he collapses into bed.

—

Three days later he gives in and moves home for the semester. His mom comes on her way home from work, giving him the smallest of smiles when she walks into his apartment to find him laying on the sofa staring at the ceiling.

“Sweetheart,” She says softly, sitting on the coffee table in front of him. “I know this isn’t what you wanted, but it’ll be fine. You’ll be back here in January at least off the crutches and feeling better, and you can enjoy the rest of your junior year without having to worry about any of this. Maybe once you’re off the crutches and in a hard cast you can move back here, so sooner than spring.”

Peter turns to look at his mom, nods, and pushes himself to sit up. “Can we just go home? I told Lara Jean I would FaceTime with her.”

Sensing he didn’t want to talk about things she nodded, carrying his suitcase downstairs for him while he brought his backpack.

The drive home is excruciating, Peter feels like he’s on pins and needles and all he wants is some ibuprofen and to lay on the sofa and do nothing, but by the time they’re home and settled in Lara Jean is FaceTiming him and he can’t ignore her again after ignoring her the first three times that day.

“You’re home?” She says when he answers, noticing the picture frame on the end table by his head. Peter glances behind him in the front-facing camera, sighing and wiping his hand over his face.

“You did say moving home would be my best bet,” He rolls his eyes. Lara Jean pulls her bottom lip between her teeth, and Peter knows she’s upset. “Sorry. I’m just — I moved home this afternoon. Getting to class was getting unrealistic, I’m in more pain now than before since I’m off the heavy pain meds, and this just seemed like a better idea. For now. At least until I’m off the crutches. Maybe for the rest of the semester. I go to the doctor tomorrow, hopefully get cleared to drive, and then I’ll be a commuter.”

Lara Jean tries to keep a straight face, but there’s a frown tugging at the corner of her lips. “I’m sorry, love. I know you didn’t want to move back home.”

Peter shrugs, pulling himself to sit up better on the sofa. “Yeah, well. I didn’t really have a choice.”

“Well, I’m sure it’ll get better,” She tries, but her optimism has clearly faltered and Peter knows it’s his fault.

The thing is he knows he’s being a dick. He’s exhausted, his mom is in the kitchen looking at him like she did when he was younger and being inappropriate in front of extended family, and Lara Jean is clearly annoyed with how he’s being.

He lets her talk about her classes, how she has plans with Nick and Jenna that weekend to celebrate Jenna’s 21st birthday with her. Peter nods in all the right places, accepts ibuprofen from his mom when Lara Jean isn’t looking at him, and when they hang up 40 minutes later he lets his phone fall onto his lap while pulling the blanket from the back of the sofa.

“Peter,” His mom says softly after a few minutes, appearing in the living room. He knows she was listening. She fixes his blanket and sighs. “I know you’re upset with how things are going. I know you’re in pain and you don’t feel well, but Lara Jean is only trying to help.”

“She’s too positive about everything,” Peter argues. It’s petty. “She just keeps saying ‘oh, maybe there is a chance you’ll play lacrosse again!’ or like, ‘I’m sure you’ll be off the crutches and walking in no time!’” He lets out a frustrated sigh, tugging at his hair. “You heard the doctor when I was in the hospital. I’m not going to play lacrosse again, there was more damage than he thought. Which also means no, I won’t be off the crutches and walking anytime soon. In fact, I’ll be on them longer and in physical therapy longer.”

His mom unravels his hand from his hair, holding it in her hand. He thinks about pulling away, but she squeezes and he relaxes. “Have you told her these updates? That things aren’t going to be the same? She wasn’t at the hospital when we got that news.”

His eyes fall down to stare at the blanket. “No. I’ve been too upset about it all to tell her.”

She squeezes his hand again. “You need to tell her. Keep her in the loop. She wants to help.” She brushes her free hand through his hair. “Get some sleep. You’ll feel better after a little rest. Owen will be home soon from soccer and then we’ll eat.”

She leaves a kiss on his forehead before going back to the kitchen to get started on dinner, and eventually Peter does drift off after sending an apology text to Lara Jean, hoping that’ll be enough for now.

_______________________________

Lara Jean comes home almost three weeks to the day after Peter’s surgery. Peter tries to convince her to stay up at school for the weekend and study there, that he has his mom to help him and her driving home would take away from her study time, but she refuses to give in.

Which is how Peter finds himself sitting at the island watching Lara Jean prepare the meat for dumplings she knew were his favorite, biting back all the horrible comments that had been floating through his mind.

“It’s been a little while since I made these,” She says absentmindedly, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “My roommates don’t really like them, and they’re kind of a hassle to just make for one person.”

“You don’t need to make them just for us then if you don’t want to,” He says quietly. His eyes flick from watching her to watching himself trace patterns on the granite. “I don’t need pity or special help or trips just because I can’t do anything for myself.”

He refuses to look at Lara Jean, knows she’s probably disappointed or upset at how short he’s being. “I want to make these for you, Peter,” She says quietly. “I don’t mind coming home to visit you this weekend. I know you’re upset about everything going on, and I thought maybe me coming to see you would make you feel better.”

“I don’t need you to feel bad for me,” He bites back, forcing himself to look up at her. “Everyone in my life feels horrible for me. And they make sure they tell me how bad they feel every time I walk into the athletic building or into class or into Hayley’s apartment when I have a break,” He’s frustrated, pulling at his hair as his elbows lean against the counter. “You don’t need to add to that list of people that feel bad and want to treat me like I’m going to break if they don’t do anything to help me.”

He doesn’t give Lara Jean a chance to answer, grabbing his crutches from beside him and shuffling to the sofa. His mom walks in, notices the tension in the room, and glances back between Lara Jean and Peter sighing.

“Peter, honey, do you need some ibuprofen? Or are you doing okay?” She walks over, sitting down on the small section of couch left and reaches forward to brush his hair off his face.

Peter knows she’s trying to gauge if he needs a break. It’s written on his face, he thinks, like it has been when he gets home from school and he’s too overwhelmed or upset to do anything but lay on the sofa and stare at the ceiling. But Lara Jean doesn’t know that, doesn’t know that he’s been struggling more than he’s said, and so he sighs, shaking his head. “I’ll just wait until I eat. I don’t like taking it when I haven’t eaten.”

She stares at him for a moment, wondering if she should stop this whole visit or if Peter needs something he doesn’t want to say in front of Lara Jean, and then she nods. Standing up, she smiles at Lara Jean and disappears down the hallway, murmuring to Peter to text if he needs her.

Peter half expects Lara Jean to say something about his mom, or maybe ask if she really should leave or if he wants his meds and to just sleep. But instead she just ducks her head, keeps making the dumplings and cooking them without saying a word, and then brings a plate to him when they’re all finished.

They eat in silence and Peter thinks he should probably apologize, say how he didn’t mean to be rude and he really did appreciate that she took the time to come home and spend time with him since he wouldn’t be able to go there for a while, but Lara Jean finishes and looks over at him, wiping her mouth with her napkin. “Where is your medication?”

It’s so formal that it catches Peter off guard, but he balances his plate on his lap and pulls himself to sit up a little better. “It’s uh, on the counter. Just the Tylenol. I’m off the heavier meds,” He says quietly, taking another bite. “I can get it when I finish.”

“You said you don’t like to take it when you’re not eating.”

“I just meant I don’t like to take it before. It makes me sick. Not want to eat,” He shrugs. He tries to protest again, saying he’ll get it, but before he has a chance Lara Jean is up and moving back to the kitchen, returning back to him with the bottle in her hand.

“How many?”

“Two,” Peter says quietly, watching as she pours them out in her hand and then hands them to him. He takes them, swallows them down with his water, and then leans up for a kiss that she does accept before she moves back to the chair.

She leaves that night when he’s half asleep through a movie, but she does kiss him and say that she’ll come visit again the following day, and Peter says he loves her with the apology still lingering on the tip of his tongue when the front door closes.

_______________________________

The weeks drag on in this mess of a blur where Peter begins physical therapy and struggles with missing out on things now that he’s commuting, and Lara Jean really doesn’t make him feel all that better despite her numerous attempts at doing so.

FaceTime calls between the two of them go from every day to a few times a week. She always texts him, Peter answers most of the time, and whether he wanted them to or not, the two of them began drifting apart.

His mom seems to notice something is wrong when Peter doesn’t FaceTime after dinner every night. Peter _doesn’t_ want to talk about it, doesn’t bring it up, but that doesn’t seem to stop her from bringing it up on a night Owen’s out late at soccer.

“Is everything okay with you and Lara Jean?” She asks quietly, watching Peter with careful eyes as he moves to sit at the island. “You haven’t been FaceTiming her as much.”

“I still could be FaceTiming her when I’m up in my room,” He tries to argue. His mom just looks at him for a moment, and he shrugs. “I don’t know. We’re not great,” He admits, leaning into the middle of the island to reach for a grape.

“Is it because of how things are going with you?”

“No,” Peter says immediately. His shoulders sag. “Yes,” He admits. “I’m trying to be better. I’m trying to not get as frustrated and to not take it out on her, but nothing is going right.”

“Honey, the doctor said it’s going to take time,” She says softly. She continues chopping vegetables, looking up at her son. “This isn’t a straightforward recovery. You being in pain is a sign you’re getting better. That that leg is healing.”

Peter’s head falls to the counter. “It’s not just my leg,” He admits. “I’m missing out on everything at school. My friends are constantly posting at parties, or they’re going to the football games and hanging out and tailgating. And because I commute I’m not there for any of it.”

“Peter, you can still go to football games.”

“And walk up the million steps into the student section?” Peter says. “Mom, I can barely stand here when I get up from the couch. I can’t stand for four hours at a football game.”

His mom sighs, pouring the vegetables into a pan. “Peter, you need to talk to Lara Jean. You need to figure out if you can save this relationship, and then you need to be honest with her. This hasn’t been easy for you, I understand that. You know I’d fix any of this in a heartbeat if I could. But you being upset about missing out on things or your recovery not going the way you hoped doesn’t mean you can take it out on your girlfriend who only wants to help.”

Peter doesn’t say anything, but judging by his mom continuing to work on dinner and her turning on music instead of the TV, he doesn’t think he needs to.

He manages to pull his phone from his pocket, scrolling until he finds his texts with Lara Jean, and then asks if they can FaceTime.

He makes his way into the office just as she calls, propping his leg up on the desk as he sighs. “I’m sorry,” He says when her face pops up on the screen. “I’ve been acting like a dick to you for no reason, and I’m sorry for that. I shouldn’t be taking this all out on you.”

Lara Jean doesn’t answer immediately, which Peter really expected but still feels nervous about anyway. He watches her chew on her lip, blowing out a breath as she leans back in her bed. “I know you’re not being honest about what’s really bothering you,” She says quietly. “I know you’re in pain and your recovery is really hard and that’s frustrating, but that’s not everything that’s wrong.”

Peter shakes his head.

“Just… if it’s me, please just tell me now so that we can end this.”

“Lara Jean,” Peter sighs. He runs his fingers through his hair. “It’s not you. It was _never_ you. And I’m so sorry that I made you feel like it was.”

“I just want to help, Peter.” Her voice is shaking, Peter knows she’s on the verge of tears and there’s nothing he can do. “I want to be there for you and I want to help you through this, but I’m so far away. I don’t know what else to do.”

Peter nods. “You’re doing more than enough,” He whispers. “Just even giving me a chance is more than enough.”

Lara Jean nods, using the sleeve of her sweater to rub at her eyes. “My roommates just got home with dinner,” She laughs, coughing. “I’ll be home in two weeks for Thanksgiving. We can hang out then, really talk about this?”

Peter nods, chewing on his lip. “I love you.”

That earns a smile from Lara Jean, who sits up.

“I love you too, Peter. We’ll figure this out.”

He hangs up with a false sense of optimism.

_______________________________

For a much promising as Lara Jean and Peter do about making things work, things never quite feel the same.

It’s as if they’ve stumbled into something that can’t really be fixed. The injury brought tension between the two of them, twisting and pulling in every direction, and nothing they try to do to save it works.

Lara Jean spends her car ride home for Thanksgiving break listening to audiobooks and mulling over her decisions.

She can stick it out, figure out how they’re going to make it through to winter break when she’ll be home for five weeks. Or she can break up with him, tell him that she loves him and she cares deeply for him, but he needs more than he can give her right now and it’s obvious.

She knows the right answer. And maybe that’s the most painful part.

She arrives home, spends the evening with her dad and Trina and paints her nails with Kitty, and then texts Peter to ask if they can hang out. He doesn’t answer right away, but when he does he says she can come over, and so she spends the drive with the radio off rehearsing what she’s going to say.

Lara Jean steps out of her car just as Peter walks out his front door.

It’s more of a hobble than a walk, but in the FaceTimes they had had since the night he called her to apologize he hadn’t told her he was walking without crutches.

“I can’t walk without them all the time,” He says softly, wrapping her in a hug. He smells like mint and aftershave, and Lara Jean has to pull away before she forgets what she came over to do. “But I’m getting more strength in my leg and so the physical therapists want me to try walking a little bit. Got a new cast too.”

“Still a hard cast?” She asks, following him back into his house, where he carefully steps down into his family room and sits on the couch. “I didn’t know you were going to need a new hard cast.”

“It’s my third one,” He admits, another thing he omitted. “Just for a few weeks. The doctor thinks this will be the last one, and then I’ll upgrade to a boot. He said that’ll be easier to walk in.”

Lara Jean nods, reaching over and lacing their fingers together, squeezing. “You seem like you’re doing better,” She says softly.

“I’m not sure that I am,” He admits quietly. “I’m still in pain a lot, but I went to a party this past weekend and felt a little bit included, so that helped a little bit.”

Lara Jean nods, slipping off her shoes. She knows this is the perfect opportunity to stay what she has to say, but Peter offers to turn on a movie and so she agrees, sinking back into the cushions at an awkward distance from her boyfriend, letting him pick what they were going to watch.

Peter’s exhausted by the time the movie is over. His head doesn’t fall into her lap like it normally does when they watch movies, and that makes her long for those good days where everything wasn’t wrong.

He stifles a yawn, apologizing as he rubs at his eyes. “I’m trying not to take Tylenol as much, but that means I’m up more at night,” He mumbles.

Lara Jean frowns, her eyebrows knitting in concern. “If your leg is bothering you, shouldn’t you take it?”

“They’re worried about my organs,” Peter says, dismissing her quickly. “I’ve been on some wicked meds the last few months.”

Lara Jean nods, mumbling about how she should probably get home and help with dinner, and Peter stands up to follow her to the door. She bites her cheek until it bleeds to resist the urge to tell him to use his crutches, listening as he shuffles slowly behind her back out to the front porch.

“Peter,” She begins, spinning around to face him. “I don’t think we should do this anymore.”

Peter stares at her, face blank.

“Look, we’ve been fighting more than ever before. Nothing we’ve tried is working, and I think… I think maybe it’s time that we take a break from this. Figure out who we are apart.”

Peter is silent for a moment, and then his head bows. “Is there someone else?” He asks.

Lara Jean watches as he shifts uncomfortably onto his bad leg. “God no,” She replies immediately. She reaches out for his hand, surprised when he doesn’t pull away. “You need more than what I can give you right now. I don’t want to be the one holding you back,” She whispers.

Carefully, she takes a step forward. “I love you, Peter Kavinsky. And I think that if we’re meant to be together we’ll find a way to make it happen. But right now you need to focus on your recovery and you need support, and I cannot give you that being so far away. You deserve better.”

Peter nods, chewing on the inside of his lip. “Okay,” He whispers, but his voice cracks and somehow that shatters Lara Jean’s heart further as she squeezes his hand. “But we’ll keep in touch?”

“Absolutely,” She promises. “I want to hear about your recovery, I want to know how you’re doing. I just… I think we need to do this. Our relationship isn’t healthy right now.”

“It’s not,” He agrees. He stands on his doorstep listening to the thunder clap in the distance and tries not to think about how this is a horrible cliche he’d rather wake up from.

“I love you, Peter. It’ll be okay,” Lara Jean mumbles. She squeezes his hand one more time, kissing his cheek softly before she turns and walks back to her car.

Peter stands on the doorstep of his porch, watching as she backs down the driveway and turns towards home, not even looking back once. He stands there until she’s far off in the distance, until the drizzle turns into a downpour, until his leg throbs from standing on it for so long that the tears from the sadness in his heart are tears from the pain of pushing himself too hard.

He stands there until there’s a flash of lightning and a clap of thunder that shakes the ground, until his mom is opening the front door and rubbing his back, handing him his crutches and ushering him back inside.

She doesn’t leave him that night. They eat dinner with Owen and when he leaves for his friends she watches a movie with him. She doesn’t try to pry it out of him, doesn’t ask what she said or what happened, but she does give him a huge bowl of ice cream and Tylenol and for once he doesn’t push it away.

He waits for a text to come later that night from Lara Jean, but it never arrives. As he situates himself under the blankets, leg propped on pillows like it has been for the last three months, he replays her words in his brain.

She’s really gone. She did what she thought was right.

And maybe it was the right thing, Peter thinks. Maybe he was too harsh or too much of a dick. He thinks that’s probably the case.

But it’s left him without a girlfriend. Without the one person he thought he’d always have. The one stable thing in his life other than his parents. The distance was hard. He missed her, longed for her to be at his physical therapy appointments with him, but it wasn’t possible. And now it’ll never happen.

He doesn’t know how he’s going to go on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so much for reading/commenting/leaving kudos! you're all the best :) <3
> 
> next week we'll jump ahead to middle school emmi because i know a lot of you have been DYING to see her first dance! :) 
> 
> title of the fic is from Fix You by Coldplay
> 
> see you next weeeeek!! :)


	10. and I know you watched me grow up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emmi's first middle school dance :)

Sometimes when Lara Jean looks at 12 year old Emmi when she’s not paying attention, she still sees that little girl she first met when she was 5.

It doesn’t always happen, but sometimes she’ll notice the way her tongue pokes out of the corner of her mouth when she’s working on her math homework in the same way it did when she would color when she was little. Or how she always knew what face to use to get Peter to give in what she wanted.

Which is why when she’s met with a stark reminder that Emmi is now 12 and in seventh grade her stomach does flips and she finds herself wondering where all that time had gone.

“I decided I’m going to go to the seventh grade dance,” Emmi declares over dinner one night, passing the bowl of peas to Olivia, who’s now 5 and bares a striking resemblance to Kitty when she was that age. “Lila said she’s just going to go with some friends, and so I’ve decided to go with them.”

“What happened to the whole ‘I don't want to wear a dress and dances are dumb’ argument you brought up the other day when Mom asked if you were going?” Peter smirks, watching with careful eyes as Carter cuts the meat on his plate.

Emmi sighs, taking a bite of her dinner. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt for one night to see what they’re all about,” She shrugs. “Besides, it’s not like I’ve been to a dance yet.”

“We can go shopping for a dress this weekend,” Lara Jean smiles, nudging Olivia’s plate as she eats around the vegetables. “Maybe some new shoes too? It is your first dance after all.”

“I think you should get a blue dress, Emmi,” Olivia smiles, taking another bite of her dinner. “It’s your favorite color, and it would make you look really pretty.”

“Thanks, Livvy,” Emmi smiles.

“I think you’re going to find the prettiest dress,” Peter interjects, which makes the twins laugh and Lara Jean bite back a smile, shaking her head.

Emmi, who’s decided she hates the attention she’s been getting about a school dance, nods and changes the subject to her soccer game the weekend before and how their coach said at practice they have a chance to win the championship.

Peter shares a look with his wife, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he listens to Emmi’s story, the twins interjecting with stories of their own.

It was the family dinners both had envisioned all those years ago.

—

“Is it normal for me to be terrified at how quickly my child has grown up?” Peter asks as he’s climbing into bed that night, glancing at his wife. “Because I spent the entire dinner wondering how the hell we have a seventh grader.”

“It is kind of crazy, isn’t it?” Lara Jean agrees. She nestles herself under the covers, reaching for her book on her nightstand. “Do you remember when we were in seventh grade?”

Peter laughs beside her, scrolling through his phone. “We kissed and effectively ruined yours and Gen’s friendship.”

“I don’t necessarily think that was the worst thing that could’ve happened,” Lara Jean shrugs. “I mean, it was pretty inevitable that Gen and I would grow apart.”

Peter hums in agreement, silence filling the room for a moment. “I can’t believe my baby is 12.”

“I know,” Lara Jean whispers beside him, one hand reaching out to grab his. “But you’ve done an amazing job raising her.”

“With your help.”

“Maybe,” She smiles. “But still, she’s a good kid who has a great dad, and even though she’s growing up and we may hate it, it’s going to be fine.”

Peter nods, waiting until Lara Jean finishes her chapter before leaning over to kiss her. They shut out their lights, let the stillness of the house fill the room, and eventually both drift off to sleep peacefully knowing everyone is safe in their beds.

_______________________________

Dress shopping with Emmi goes about as well as Lara Jean prepared herself for it to go.

She took the afternoon off at the bakery, leaving it in the safe hands of the employees that had become more like family over the years. She, Emmi and Olivia spent the afternoon at the mall, where they ate ice cream and walked into store after store, no dress seeming to be good enough for Emmi to wear to her first school dance.

Finally, when they’re a few hours in and Olivia is growing restless sitting in a chair waiting for Emmi to show them the latest dress she’s trying on, Emmi walks out of the dressing room with a smile on her face.

“I really, really like this one,” She says, turning around so she’s facing the mirror where she can look at it again.

It’s a creme dress, falls just above her knee, and makes her look gorgeous. It has a little bit of sparkle, which seems to delight Olivia as she stands up and runs her fingers over it. “It’s so pretty, Emmi,” She marvels, running her hands along the sparkles and smiling at her older sister, who’s still beaming.

“Do you like it, Mom?” Emmi asks after a moment, turning back to where Lara Jean is still sitting in the chair.

For a moment, words don’t come to her. She loves it, — wishes it was a dress she would’ve worn — but it’s surreal to see a child she’s known for so many years look so grown up right in front of her eyes. That somehow this little human she adopted and helped raise was a pre-teen and growing up right in front of them, and it has never been more evident than it is right in this moment.

“Emmi, you look beautiful,” She finally mumbles, a smile spreading across her face. “I think this is the perfect dress for your first school dance,” She adds on, snapping a photo for her to keep. “Is this the one you want?” She asks, watching Emmi nod quickly.

Together they pick out shoes that match the dress, and when all is said and done and they’re on their way home, Lara Jean finds herself grateful for an afternoon with both of her girls that resulted in limited drama.

She’s almost certain the teenage drama is coming soon, that Emmi probably won’t always be as easygoing as she is now, but she’s going to savor moments like these to remind herself that eventually all will be okay.

_______________________________

Peter argues about the makeup Emmi is allowed to wear to the dance.

“You’re 12, Emmi. I don’t think you need makeup for a school dance.”

Emmi’s eyes widen, flicking between Lara Jean and Peter. “Mom, come on. Tell him I can at least wear mascara.”

Lara Jean hesitates, sighing. “Babe, I don’t think there’s any harm in a little mascara,” She says, taking Emmi’s side. “It’s not going to make much of a difference, and she’s 12. I was definitely wearing mascara to school dances at that age.”

Peter looks like he’s going to argue more, but he leans back against the counter, sighing. “Mascara only,” He gives in, and Lara Jean watches the smile twitch by the corner of his lips. “And nothing else. Got it?”

“Yes!” Emmi smiles, hugging Peter quickly before disappearing upstairs to start getting ready.

“You need to let her grow up a little,” Lara Jean smiles, walking to stand in front of her husband. “She’s going to be wearing a lot more makeup soon, you know.”

“I know,” Peter mumbles. His arms wrap around her, lips pressing to the top of her head. “It’s just hard for me to accept that my baby is almost a teenager. Her first school dance.”

Lara Jean smiles, tilting her head back. “You going to cry about that?”

“I might," He teases, but Lara Jean can tell that he’s being serious, that this isn’t just another night where Emmi is going out with friends.

It’s a milestone, one that she can remember her own dad being teary-eyed about. So in many ways she can’t blame her husband for how he’s feeling.

“Well, I’m going to go help our oldest get ready. You entertain the twins for a while? She deserves to have a little while to herself.”

Peter smiles, nodding as he kisses his wife once more, disappearing down the hall and into the living room where the twins had been watching a movie.

When Lara Jean comes upstairs, Emmi is sitting at the stool in her bathroom with the mascara in her hand. “Need some help?” She offers, smiling when Emmi turns to look at her.

“Please,” She nods, handing the tube to Lara Jean, who hands it back to her. “You’re not going to do it?”

“I’m not,” She smiles, leaning against the counter. “I want you to try to do it. Just nice and light, don’t push too hard or it’ll make a mess.”

Emmi nods, tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth the same way it did when she was little and would work on her homework, her fingers shaking slightly as she carefully puts mascara on.

“It’s not too much?” She asks when she’s finished, and Lara Jean can only shake her head.

“It’s perfect,” She smiles, standing up and moving behind Emmi, carefully beginning to braid it the way the picture Emmi chose looked.

“Did you go to your seventh grade dance?” Emmi asks, sitting as still as possible while Lara Jean works on her hair.

“I went to every school dance,” Lara Jean smiles. “You can ask your dad, I kind of loved school dances.”

In front of her Emmi laughs, picking at the corners of her nails by her new nail polish. “Did you go with Dad in seventh grade?”

Lara Jean hesitates, pausing on a piece of the braid. “We didn’t go to the dance together,” She says quietly, and then decides Emmi’s old enough to know. “But we did hang out after at a party.”

Emmi looks up at her, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “Was my dad your first kiss then?”

Lara Jean laughs, bobby pinning the end of the braid and fixing the rest of her hair. “Why do you think that?”

“Cause you have that weird smile on your face,” Emmi shrugs, adjusting her curls. “And you always have that stupid smile when you’re thinking about my dad.”

Lara Jean blushes, smiling. “Your dad was my first kiss at that party, yes,” She nods, rubbing Emmi’s shoulders. “And you can feel free to embarrass him with that.”

“Oh I will, don’t worry,” Emmi nods, a smile on her face. Standing up, she walks back to her bedroom, grabbing the dress from her hanger and bringing it back into the bathroom to change.

Lara Jean sits on her bed and waits, unable to hide her smile when Emmi reappears in her room. “Oh, sweetheart,” She mumbles, standing up and fixing her hair. “You’re going to break your dad’s heart.”

“I look okay?” Emmi asks, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

“You look gorgeous, my love. Far less awkward than I was at that age,” Lara Jean laughs. She takes a step back and looks at her again, biting her lip. “Lila is going to be here soon. Want to go take a few pictures? I’m sure Livvy will want one with you.”

Emmi laughs, nodding as she grabs her bag and follows Lara Jean downstairs.

Peter tries not to make a big deal about Emmi. He tells himself the entire day that he can’t embarrass her, that this is a big thing and he wants to show her that he loves her and he’s excited for her to be growing up.

But then she comes downstairs, and Peter can’t help but shake his head, biting his lip to stop himself from crying.

“Emmi, you look gorgeous,” He mumbles, taking her in.

She’s wearing a creme dress, one that he doesn’t necessarily think he would've picked out for her, but that he loves anyway. Her hair has a braid across the front, the rest of her curls falling down over her shoulders. Despite arguing fiercely for the no makeup rule, there’s a little mascara on her eyelashes, only making them look even longer than they already are.

He’s hit with the realization that he has a seventh grader, and suddenly it’s like everything is happening far too fast for his liking.

“Mom said we should take pictures now before Lila comes and we take other pictures,” Emmi says, making it obvious through her words that she’s hating the attention being on her.

So Peter agrees immediately, ushering the twins to stand with their sister, taking a few photos. “I want some with just Emmi,” Olivia declares, which Lara Jean obliges and takes a million photos of both their girls standing in front of the fireplace together, Olivia’s arms wrapped around Emmi’s waist.

“Let me take one of just you and dad. We’ll get one of the three of us when Lila gets here,” Lara Jean orders, and Emmi nods, leaning against Peter’s side when he moves to stand next to her.

“I can’t believe my baby is old enough to be going to a school dance,” He mumbles when he pulls away, trading places with Lara Jean to get a picture of them together.

“You promised you wouldn’t be dramatic about this,” Emmi sighs, but she’s hiding a smile back at his words as Lara Jean moves to stand next to her, the two of them posing for pictures.

When Lila arrives it becomes more organized chaos than anything, and Lara Jean finds herself snapping photos while keeping the twins out of the way, pressing a kiss to Emmi’s head as she grabs her bag from the coffee table.

“Be good. Call Dad or me if you want to leave early. We love you.”

“Love you too,” Emmi smiles, hugging her quickly before moving to hug Peter, laughing as she follows Lila out the door.

All too quickly the house is quiet, the twins serving as the only source of chaos as they beg for dessert before it’s time for them to go to bed, and Lara Jean is almost grateful for the distraction it’s giving her.

Peter seems to be too, laughing as he pulls one twin up in each arm, their giggles filling the hallway as they walk back towards the kitchen. Together, as a family of four, they sit at the kitchen table and laugh over eclairs that were almost out of date and couldn’t be sold at the bakery, Carter telling a funny story about a kid in his class.

Bedtime is done together, Peter handling putting Olivia to bed while Lara Jean takes Carter.

“Emmi will be home tonight, right Mommy?” Carter asks as Lara Jean pulls the blankets over him, smoothing down his curls.

“Right,” She nods, smiling. “She’ll be here when you wake up in the morning.”

That seems to be enough for Carter, who nods and kisses her quickly before rolling onto his side, his eyes closed before she has a chance to get up.

Olivia is the same, wiggling down under her blankets as Peter sits on the edge of the bed, waiting for her to be settled. “You promise Emmi will be here in the morning when I wake up?” She asks, pushing her hair out of her face. “Because I missed her tonight when we were reading stories.”

Peter smiles, pulling the blankets up to her chin the way she loves it. “I missed her too, but I promise she’ll be here when you wake up tomorrow.”

Olivia nods, pushing her head up to give him a kiss, laughing when he tucks her in tightly.

“It’s too quiet,” Peter muses when they’re walking back downstairs, Lara Jean agreeing quietly as they settle in on the sofa to watch TV to pass the time.

“Brayden’s mom is bringing them home,” Lara Jean yawns. “And I want to hear all about the dance, but we have that wedding cake to finalize in the morning,” She says, disappointment etched through her words.

Peter nods, kissing her quickly, fingers dancing along the hem of her pajama bottoms. “Go to bed. I’ll wait up. She’ll understand.”

Lara Jean nods, making out with him for a few minutes before slipping out of the room, their bedroom door closing in the distance.

When Emmi walks in the front door her hair is a little looser and her cheeks are flushed, but she’s smiling and slipping off her shoes by the front door, and Peter knows it was a success.

“So I take it you had fun?” He smiles when she falls onto the sofa beside him, nodding against his shoulder.

“We had so much fun. I’m really glad I decided to go, Dad.”

“I’m glad you decided to go, too,” Peter agrees quietly, kissing her head as he drapes his arm around her shoulder. “You know, back when it was just me and you I used to think about days like today.”

“You did?” She asks quietly. Absentmindedly she places with her bracelets.

Peter nods, humming. “I used to think that if I could give you days that made you so happy, I would do anything to see it. All I wanted was for you to smile and never have to worry about anything. And it was hard, you know. I was torn between working a lot and raising you, but tonight shows me that it paid off.”

“You marrying Lara Jean helped,” Emmi teases, smiling when Peter laughs, his lips pressing to the top of her head.

“Marrying Lara Jean was a big help, you’re right,” He concedes.

“Thank you, Dad. For working so hard to let me have a night like tonight,” Emmi mumbles.

“I’d do it all over again, you know that? For you or the twins.”

“We know,” Emmi nods, yawning. “Love you.”

“Love you more, Emmi bug.”

When Emmi yawns again and nestles into his shoulder Peter quietly ushers her up to bed, giving her a kiss goodnight in the hall before she disappears into her room tonight.

And maybe it is hard for him to accept that she’s not his little girl anymore. Maybe he longs for the days where all he had to do to fix things was hold her and sing her stupid songs that would pop into his head. Maybe he longs for those days back, even the hard ones when it was just them and things were tough.

But seeing the young girl she’s turning into is more than enough for Peter to realize that the future is going to be okay, too. It’s going to be filled with heartbreak and drama and experiences he remembers having himself, but through it all he hopes that they both find the middle ground they need, and the fears he’s had about them growing apart stay far back in the back of his mind as a fantasy rather than anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so much for reading/leaving kudos/comments! i know i say this all the time, but the love you have given this little universe continues to blow me away!
> 
> as always, if there's anything you've always wanted to see in this universe you can always leave it here and i'll do my best to write it! i have a running list of things you guys have requested/things i've wanted to write for them, but if there's others you can always feel free to let me know!
> 
> think we may stay with older emmi next week, but i may switch back to little emmi again :)
> 
> see you next week!
> 
> title of the chapter is from Mama's Song by Carrie Underwood :)


	11. times are changing, I know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the twins first day of kindergarten!

Peter heard from everyone that the second kid’s life always feels like a blur for the parents.

He didn’t necessarily believe it, not when they found out they were having twins and it had been so long since he lived through that newborn stage. He thought having Lara Jean as a first time mom beside him would make it feel new again, exciting, savoring the moments he sometimes wished he would’ve savored when Emmi was that small.

And then he blinks and the twins are about to turn 5 and graduating from preschool, and he sits in the classroom and watches them and tells himself that they have 8 weeks before they move up to kindergarten and their babies really aren’t babies anymore.

He’s always made it a tradition to take Emmi back to school shopping a few weeks before the first day. It’s been a father daughter day out complete with stopping for ice cream. It’s the first year he’s decided to do it with the twins, splitting up the day from Emmi so it’s not as stressful for him.

“I think this is something that you need to continue doing with them alone,” Lara Jean insists when Peter offers for her to come, knowing that this is a momentous occasion. “It’s been your thing with Emmi, and it’ll be nice for them to have this time with you, too.”

“I know backpacks and school supplies aren’t all that exciting, but I still feel a little bad that you’re going to miss it,” Peter smiles, walking across the kitchen and wrapping his arms around her waist, watching her cook their dinner with his chin resting on her shoulder.

In front of him she laughs, leaning back just far enough to kiss him quickly. “It’s okay, really,” She insists, holding up a spoon for him to try the rice noodles. “Besides, I get to take them clothes shopping. We each have separate traditions.”

Peter nods, draining the noodles as she finishes everything else, the kids coming down for dinner.

Their meal is filled with laughter and adventures from summer camp, and when the twins just barely manage to work on their chore of putting the dishes in the dishwasher Peter tries to capture the moment in his brain, wanting to remember them being this little for as long as possible.

_______________________________

“Do they have cool backpacks? Or just boring ones like Emmi has,” Olivia asks as they walk through the store, her hand tightly in Peter’s as Carter walks just ahead of them.

“They have cool backpacks, babe,” Peter smiles. “Ones with characters and designs,” He promises, which alone feels like a treat as they make their way back to the school supplies.

The thing is, Peter knows it’s been a while since they picked out Emmi’s first backpack. She’s twelve now, going into the seventh grade, and the days of standing in the aisle of backpacks picking the perfect design or cartoon to showcase for an entire school year have long gone, and Peter thought he missed it all.

Until he’s back in the aisle that doesn’t really feel like it’s changed with 5 year old twins, both of them inspecting every character and design as if their lives depended on it.

“Neither of you have any idea which character you’re even thinking of getting?” Peter asks, watching as Carter moves down the aisle to look at more designs.

“I think I like this one,” Olivia mumbles, taking a step forward to look at the backpack with all the Disney princesses on it. “Do you like this one, Daddy?” She asks, spinning back with the bag in her hand.

“I do. I think it was made for you,” He smiles, eyes watching as Carter creeps closer to the end of the aisle. “Carter, buddy, stay where I can see you.”

“‘m just looking, Daddy,” He says, waving his hand back in reply. Olivia turns back to make sure she chose the right one, and as Peter watches Carter stand on his tip toes to reach the backpack he wants, he has a fearful vision of him knocking all the bags over onto the ground and breaking something and jogs over to his aid.

“We’re going with Spider-Man?” Peter asks, holding the bag out for Carter to take.

He beams, grabbing it from him and nodding. “He’s my favorite, Daddy,” He informs him. “‘member we watch the movie all the time? With Uncle Gabe?”

“I do,” Peter nods, ushering both twins out of the aisle and down further to get more school supplies from the list Lara Jean supplied him with.

When they finish getting what they needed Peter ushers them back to the car and into their seats, driving to the closest ice cream shop. “Now, I started this tradition with Emmi when she was your age. Ice cream time to celebrate a new school year.”

The twins cheer, kicking their legs as they unbuckle themselves, sliding out of the back seat.

There’s a free table in the corner of the shop when they finally decide on their ice cream flavors, Peter guiding both twins to it. He helps them sit in their chairs, situating their bowls of ice cream in front of them as he sits down between them, taking a bite.

“So, what are my big babies excited about about school?” Peter asks around a bite of ice cream, eyes flicking between both twins.

“Making new friends!” Olivia smiles, laughing as she reaches for a napkin in the middle of the table.

“What about you, Carter man?” Peter nudges, shifting his full attention to his son.

Carter had always been shy. Adjusting him to preschool was a process, and even though Olivia was happy to take charge and drag her brother along to be included with everyone, Carter was usually more than happy to sit things out and observe — a trait he most definitely got from Lara Jean.

Carter ponders the question for a moment, sucking the sprinkles off the spoon before looking back at his dad. “Recess,” He decides, a toothy grin spreading across his face. “And gym. Do you think we’re gonna play lacrosse?”

Peter bites back a smile, shrugging. “Maybe not when you’re in kindergarten, no,” He says, laughing when Carter pouts. “But that just means that when you do start you’ll have played even longer and you’ll know more!”

“And then I’ll be just like Daddy was at school,” He says proudly, taking another big bite of ice cream.

By the time they finish and Peter wipes all remnants away from both of their faces it’s time to get home, both twins more than ready to be back with Lara Jean after an afternoon out with Peter.

And even though it’s just the beginning of the tradition, even though he’s been doing it for years with Emmi, it still feels special every single time.

Peter hopes this feeling never leaves.

_______________________________

Peter opens the fridge to hide his laughs when the twins come running through the door after their afternoon out with Lara Jean.

He hears the shopping bags before he sees her, unable to hide his laughs when they make eye contact.

“Why do you get to be the fun parent?” She asks, reaching for the bottle of wine above the fridge. “With the way they dragged themselves through the store behind me you would’ve thought I took their best friend away.”

“No one likes clothes shopping,” Peter points out, pulling down two wine glasses.

“I did,” Lara Jean squeaks. “And Olivia sort of did. Until it got to be too long and Carter was being less than decisive on his options.”

“Well,” Peter smiles, clinking their glasses together. “Just one more week until they’re in school and our little heathens can no longer act like we’re ruining their lives.”

“I kind of can’t wait,” Lara Jean admits, taking a huge sip of wine. “I’m kidding, obviously. I’m still definitely going to cry next week.”

Peter laughs, pulling Lara Jean into his side. “I can’t imagine it going any other way,” He confesses, kissing the top of her head.

_______________________________

Lara Jean spends the morning getting the twins ready for their first day of school with tears in her eyes.

She masks them well, she thinks, carefully braiding Olivia’s hair and managing to tame Carter’s curls for at least a few hours. She can hear Peter down in the kitchen, packing three lunches and making a breakfast for the family like he does every first day of school, Emmi getting ready in her own bathroom before Lara Jean quickly braids the front section of her hair to bobby pin back.

“Alright. Are all my babies ready for their first day of school?” Lara Jean says excitedly, smiling as the twins cheer and Emmi gives some sort of half-hearted approval, following the younger two down the stairs for breakfast.

Just as they always did for Emmi on her first day, pancakes are out on the table when they arrive. The twins marvel at the selection, half listening to Lara Jean’s warnings not to get their clothes messy, Peter sticking napkins in the fronts of their shirts as they reach for pancakes to stack on their plates.

“You really want to cry, don’t you?” Peter asks, cheek resting against the top of Lara Jean’s head.

Lara Jean takes a deep breath, sighing. “I really, really do,” She says softly, leaning into her husband’s side. “How are they already kindergarteners?”

“It’s mind blowing, isn’t it?” He asks. His fingers trail along her side, sending chills down her arms as she watches the scene in front of her, their three babies all having breakfast together. “We have three kids in school full-time.”

Lara Jean nods, takes a million photos of this moment in her mind, and then grabs her actual camera to usher the kids out the front door and take photos on the front step.

She does individual ones first, having each kid stand on the top step with a chalkboard sign she can remember she and Kitty using when they were in school. It’s oddly reminiscent, and even Peter has insisted that they keep this tradition alive, if for nothing else then for the memories that come with the tradition.

The twins take photos together, Olivia far more excited about the impromptu photoshoot. Peter smiles at their neighbors as they walk to their cars to leave for work, rolling his eyes playfully as they laugh at the opposite personalities in front of the camera. Lara Jean has to bite back her smile to keep her demeanor and not egg Olivia on.

“Maybe not so rough with Carter, Livvy,” She says, but Carter just rolls his eyes and makes eye contact with Peter, sighing.

“Daddy, when are we done taking pictures?”

“When Mommy says you are,” He says, pointing back to the step for Carter to reluctantly stand on. “Not much longer, bud. Smile for the camera.”

And so he does, running down to Peter when Lara Jean says she’s done, letting Emmi have the spotlight for a few minutes before Olivia joins her.

“I wonder where Liv got that personality from,” Lara Jean teases, previewing the photos as they stand outside getting ready to leave. “Always having to be the life of the party. It’s a strong gene in these Kavinsky kids.”

Peter glances over his wife’s shoulder, laughing. “What can I say? We like a good party.”

Lara Jean rolls her eyes, smiling as Peter gets all three kids into the car and she trails behind. She finds herself wishing the car ride to school would go slower. That they would hit traffic and she could savor this moment a little longer in hopes that it doesn’t have to end quite as soon as she knows it will.

But they pull up out front in record time, and the sidewalks are filled with kids more than ready for their first day. The twins are excited, sliding out of their seats and following Emmi out of the car, Carter reaching up for Peter’s hand as Olivia reaches for the other.

Emmi, who’s embarrassed by the fact that her parents are here, whether they’re there for the twins or not, says her goodbyes on the sidewalk, rushing ahead when she finds Lila waiting for her by the steps. And then it’s just the twins, who’s excitement seems to have worn off as they walk towards the kindergarten section of the school in search of their teacher.

“Hey,” Peter says when they’re just outside the door to their new classroom, crouching down to their heights. “You’re both going to do amazing, you know that?” Lara Jean takes a step back, watching the scene unfold. “You’re going to make so many new friends and learn so much and pretty soon you’ll be way smarter than Mama and me.”

Both twins laugh, standing in front of him. “And you promise you guys will come right when schools over to get us?”

“Right when it’s over,” Lara Jean promises, stepping forward. “Just like when you guys started preschool, Daddy and I will be waiting for you.”

Both the twins nod, eyes shifting back to Peter as he tells them both to take a deep breath. “We’re all going to have awesome days?” He asks, smiling when they nod. “Okay then, you better go. Come give Mama and I hugs goodbye.”

Lara Jean savors the hugs a little longer, breathing in their scent and the way they wrap their bodies around her before turning back to walk into the classroom together. And for all the back and forth she and Peter did about splitting the twins up in different classes right away, she’s never been more sure that they made the right decision keeping them in the same class for this year than she is in that moment.

“Our babies are in kindergarten,” Peter whispers, reaching out for her hand.

Lara Jean obliges, taking it and squeezing gently. “They are,” She nods, and for a moment neither of them move. She doesn’t know if it’s because they’re waiting for them to come running out or not, but when they don’t and Peter gently reminds her that they both have work to get to, they make their way back to the car to go to the bakery.

Lara Jean spends the car ride dabbing at her eyes, and then most of the day checking her phone incessantly in case something happened.

_Were you this paranoid when it was Em’s first day? Because I feel like I’m constantly waiting to cry that my babies aren’t babies anymore or something happened to them at school._

Peter only takes a few minutes to answer.

_I’m still weepy about Emmi, let’s get real._

_But it’ll get easier. I just keep telling myself that Liv is keeping them both in line and they’re absolutely fine. Four hours till we pick up our babies! Love you :)_

The twins, in true Kavinsky fashion, loved school. Olivia made sure they made new friends, and even Carter spends most of dinner talking about his new friend Nate and how he loves Spider-Man almost as much as he does. Peter and Lara Jean share a glance across the table, smiling as the twins talk on and on about how great school is.

For all of Lara Jean’s fears for her babies, even she can admit that it went more than perfect. The twins would have hard days, that much she knows, but for now she’s going to soak in this moment, remember that this was a big step and a good thing and she never wants to forget this feeling, and then slowly fall back into a routine.

She and Peter have three kids in school full-time, and somehow time keeps moving and things keep happening, and she’s just happy she has him to experience all of this with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i figured it was time to give the twins a little love! i'll try to do more stories that focus on one or the other individually, but for now here you go :)
> 
> thank you guys for reading/commenting/leaving kudos! you're honestly all the best.
> 
> more next sunday! :)
> 
> title of the chapter is from Growing Up by Macklemore ft. Ed Sheeran


	12. you could tell me everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emmi is curious about her mom and who she was

“Do you know where my mom is?”

16 year old Emmi continues doing the dishes, not making eye contact with Peter. She just asks the question and continues working as if they’re having a normal conversation.

Peter lets the question linger in the air a while longer, scrambling in his brain for the answer that probably will break her heart the least. But that answer never comes, and so when enough time has passed and Emmi is working on the final plate in the sink, he sighs.

“I don’t know where she is, no,” He says quietly, double checking the twins lunches for the following day. “I haven’t talked to her since before I married Lara Jean.”

Emmi, to her credit, just nods curtly and washes her hands, shutting the sink off. “I didn’t think so. I just… I didn’t know if you knew a general location about where she is.”

Peter furrows his brow, studying the teenager standing in front of him. “I don’t,” He says, and then leans against the counter. “Why? Did you want to see her?”

It’s Emmi’s turn to hesitate, sighing as she reaches for the towel to dry her hands. “I’m not sure,” She says after a moment, shrugging and tossing the towel back onto the counter. “I guess I’ve just been thinking about how long it’s been since I’ve seen her.”

Peter nods, turning back to put their lunches in the fridge.

“Can you tell me about her?”  
  
Peter stops, staring at the mustard until the label blurs. “I can,” He nods, shutting the doors to the fridge and turning back to face his eldest. “Let me go help Mom put the twins to bed, and then I’ll tell you about her. Deal?”

“Deal,” Emmi smiles, mumbling something about how she was going to go finish her homework while she was waiting. Peter watches as she disappears out of the kitchen and down the hall towards the staircase, the question lingering in his brain, a heavy weight sitting there.

He had been expecting this day sooner. He figured it would come when she was in middle school, back when so many things were changing and it was glaringly obvious that she was not Lara Jean’s biological child. But Emmi never asked, and Peter thought it’d be better to wait for her rather than to force her on it.

There’s a photo album hidden in the top of his closet. He and Lara Jean had looked through it a handful of times, mostly so Lara Jean could see pictures of baby Emmi, but the album is littered with pictures of Juliet. Peter thinks back on that time with a mix of happiness and uneasiness. He knows it was the most unsettled part of his life, but it was that part that brought him Emmi, that gave him one of the greatest gifts when he didn’t realize he needed it the most, and for that he’ll always be grateful.

Much to his surprise, the twins go to bed with ease. They don’t argue about the fact that it feels earlier than normal with the time change from daylight savings and summer break rapidly approaching. He finishes reading books and giving goodnight kisses before he walks out of Carter's room and sees Emmi’s door partly open, hesitating as Lara Jean walks out of Olivia’s room and into their bedroom.

“So, Emmi asked me about Juliet,” Peter says when he walks into their bedroom, opening their closet door. “And I feel like I need to show her.”

“You do,” Lara Jean nods. Peter can feel her presence behind him, her hand resting lightly against the small of his back as he pulls down the photo album. “She needs to know about her mom if it’s something she’s asked about. You shouldn’t hide that from her.”

Peter nods, holding the photo album in his hand. “I knew this day was going to come, but I didn’t think about what I would say about Juliet.”

Lara Jean smiles, wrapping her arms around his torso. “Just be honest with Emmi. Tell her the good things about her and the bad things about her, but let her form her own opinions. You’ve never said that she was a bad mom.”

“She wasn’t,” Peter says quickly, pressing his lips to Lara Jean’s forehead. “But you’re much better.”

“Well,” Lara Jean laughs, shaking her head. “I think the bar is pretty low when the mother of your first child walked out on you in the middle of the night.”

“Fair enough,” Peter smiles. “But you’re lightyears better than that. You with our kids? More than I could’ve ever imagined.” He kisses her again, lets his lips linger a little longer before she pulls away, reaching up to brush his hair off his forehead.

“Go talk to Ems,” She urges, and so Peter does, kissing her one more time for good measure before walking down the hallway.

Emmi’s laying on her bed on her laptop when Peter knocks on the door and walks in, a smile on his face. “Still want to know about her?” He asks as he holds up the photo album, laughing when Emmi nods eagerly, shutting her laptop and moving aside for Peter to sit next to her.

“Okay, so you know your mom and I met in college,” Peter says, opening to the first page of the photo album. There’s one picture of just he and Juliet at a party in college, the two of them laughing at someone behind the camera. “We were seniors. We had a biology class together. She was good at science, I was not.”

“So you paired with her to get a good grade,” Emmi smirks.

“Sure,” Peter says, laughing. “I also just wanted her number.”

Emmi rolls her eyes, leaning forward to look at the pictures. “We graduated college and both got jobs near each other. We saw each other a lot, things were going well, and then we found out she was pregnant with you.”

Emmi nods, flipping the page to photos of Juliet pregnant. Peter thinks he must’ve taken thousands of them, he was so in love and in awe of the bump and the fact that he was going to have a tiny human in the coming months that he wanted to document it all. “So is that when you guys moved in together?”

“When she was about six months pregnant we found a small apartment together. It wasn’t much, but it worked in the meantime.” Emmi nods, staring at the picture. “We thought it would be a good place to at least start raising you, and then when we had more money we’d get a nicer place.”

He stares at the photos of baby Emmi in the hospital being held by Juliet hours after she was born. He tries not to think about it too much, but looking back at that photo it’s like he can remember how everything felt in that moment.

How Emmi was so much smaller than Peter was anticipating, fitting in the crook of his arm perfectly. Every little whimper and cry set off an alarm in his brain, the same alarm still going off for all of his kids all these years later. He can remember the relief both he and Juliet felt that she was here and she was healthy and safe, and how Peter watched the nurses with careful eyes just to reassure himself that she really was healthy and going to be okay.

“Were you in love with her?” Emmi asks, breaking Peter from his trance.

He shifts in her bed, sighing. “It’s not a straightforward answer,” He says after a moment, which sounds a lot worse than it is. “I was in love with her, yes. But I’m not sure that I was as in love with her as I should have been.”

Emmi nods, fingers tracing over the pictures for a moment. “So you love Lara Jean more than you ever loved her.”

“That’s really hard to compare, Ems,” Peter laughs. “I loved Lara Jean long before I even met your mom. And a part of me always loved her, even after we broke up.”

“Why did my mom leave?” It’s a loaded question, one that Peter figures Emmi knows he doesn’t have all the answers to in the moment.

He hesitates, trying to think of the best answer. “I don’t know, Emmi,” He says truthfully, which almost breaks his heart more than it did the day he woke up and realized she was gone. “All she’s ever told me was that she was afraid she wasn’t cut out to be a mother and she would’ve ruined your childhood.”

“Did she think you were prepared to be a dad?”

“I’m not sure,” Peter sighs. “I thought we were open about parenting. Discussing our fears and worries. But apparently she didn’t feel the same, and she felt leaving was the solution to that.”

There’s a hesitation, and then Emmi looks up at him. “Was I a mistake?”

“Emmi,” Peter says, moving the book off his lap and turning to look at his daughter. “You were _not_ a mistake, okay?”

Emmi nods, but her face is timid and uncertain, waiting for more.

“You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. The _best_ thing. And maybe we didn’t plan on having you as young as we did, and maybe I thought that things would go differently when I had my first child, but you being in our lives was not a mistake. And I don’t want you to ever think for a second that I didn’t want you.”

“Okay,” Emmi whispers. She takes a shaky breath, and when Peter opens his arms she falls into them, resting against his chest.

“I love you, Emmi. More than anything. And just because your mom didn’t feel like she could stay doesn’t mean I love you any less.”

Emmi nods hard against his shoulder, staying there for a moment before she pulls away. “I love you too,” She says quietly, and while Peter notices the shine in her eyes he doesn’t say anything, instead leaning forward to kiss her forehead. “Thanks for not leaving me.”

“I never will,” Peter smiles. “You’re going to be the one wanting to get rid of me.”

“Never,” Emmi laughs, leaning back against her pillows.

The room falls silent for a moment as they look through the photo album together, laughing at some of the photos of baby Emmi and how ridiculous Peter made her look for his own entertainment.

The photo album stops the month Juliet left. The last photo is a picture of the three of them together, each one kissing one of Emmi’s cheeks. Peter’s avoided that page for years, ignoring the fact that it’s a picture he thought would hang in their home as they grew old together, long after Emmi had moved out and started a life of her own.

His life is better now, sure, but it doesn’t make it any easier to stare at this little family that was once whole and wonder what their lives would’ve turned out like had he and Juliet figured things out.

“If you wanted to meet her or talk to her, I could find her again,” Peter says quietly after a moment.

Emmi stares at the photo for a while longer, shrugging before her head falls against his shoulder. “I’m not sure I’m ready for that,” She breathes out. “That would… that’s a lot. Maybe one day though?”

Peter nods, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. “I can tell you more about her whenever you want. But if you want to meet her in person that’s okay. You know that, right?”

“I know,” Emmi nods. She sighs, pressing against his side. “Thank you for raising me by yourself.”

“I’d do it all over again, you know. Every single moment of that time where it was just the two of us was absolutely worth it,” Peter smiles, leaning down to kiss the top of her head.

He stays with her for a while, sitting in silence and thinking about Juliet until Emmi announces that she’s going to shower, which leaves Peter to promptly leave the room and walk back downstairs where Lara Jean is watching TV.

“Everything okay?” She asks, moving to lean against his side when he sits down.

“It is,” He says after a hesitation, sighing. “Or will be?”

“Is Em okay? Did she like the pictures?”

Peter laughs, relaxing under her touch. “I think she liked seeing herself when she was little, yeah. And what Juliet looked like.”

Lara Jean nods, letting the silence fill the room as the show comes back on. Peter plays with her rings, thoughts running through his mind at a rapid pace.

“Do you think it’ll get easier to talk about all of this with Emmi?” Peter asks next commercial break.

Lara Jean shifts, turning back to look at him. “What do you mean?”

“I just… I know this isn’t the end of the questions about Juliet. And I always told myself I’d be open and honest with her, but it’s really fucking hard to talk about the woman who left my daughter because she didn’t think she was a good mom.” Peter takes a breath, sighing. “But I don’t want this to be something that Emmi feels like she can’t talk about.”

Lara Jean is silent for a moment, eyes searching Peter’s as she thinks about what she’s going to say. Peter has always loved that about her — how she’s careful with her words, especially when it comes to something serious.

“I don’t know it’ll get any easier,” She says truthfully, watching her husband deflate. “But I know that you are the best dad, and you’ll realize that telling Emmi all the good and bad things about Juliet is what’s best for her. She deserves to know about her mom, even if you don’t like her.”

Peter cracks a smile, shaking his head. “If you weren’t such a good baker, you’d make a pretty great therapist.”

“Shut up,” She whines, falling back against his chest.

“I told Emmi that if she ever wanted to meet Juliet I could probably find her.”

Lara jean nods. “Did she take you up on that?”

“Not yet, no. She said she doesn’t think she’s ready for that.”

“Well, when she is, you just need to be there for her,” Lara Jean says simply, reaching for the remote to turn up the volume on their show.

Peter half pays attention the rest of the night, trying to follow the storyline despite a million thoughts running through his mind. He’s prepared to answer more about Juliet, prepared to tell Emmi more about the good and bad things, but for right now he’s content with living right here in this moment.

This moment where Emmi is content with information and photos, and maybe down the line they get into more serious stuff.

For now he’s going to enjoy the young woman his little girl is growing up to be, and if Emmi is ever ready to meet Juliet, he’s going to be right there supporting her through it all, just as long as Emmi is safe and happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for reading/commenting/leaving kudos! i'm so glad you guys are still in love with this series after all this time :) 
> 
> next week will focus back on peter and lara jean and making time for each other after three kids :)
> 
> see you next sundayyy!
> 
> title of the chapter is from Skeletons by James Arthur


	13. this is not a temporary love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Lara Jean organize a weekend away to reconnect

Peter always heard that his and Lara Jean’s relationship would take a back seat when they started having a family in addition to Emmi.

It’s not that he didn’t believe it necessarily, it was more that he told himself that wouldn’t happen because he knew Lara Jean and he knew himself, and they would make sure that it didn’t.

And then they had the twins, and with the chaos of having two babies at once and three kids overall their time to dedicate to themselves slipped away. Date nights were replaced by homework sessions, moments alone in bed usually ended up with them binging the shows they had missed and falling asleep halfway through.

When the twins are 6 and largely independent (Peter knows they still need them a lot, but it’s different) he decides it’s time to focus his attention on he and Lara Jean. They don’t need to be so attached anymore, as hard as that is for him to accept that they’re parenting kindergarteners and their youngest are no longer little.

“Do you ever feel like we’re missing that spark?” Peter asks in the midst of sorting laundry after all three kids are in bed. He glances at Lara Jean, who hasn’t looked up from her own pile of laundry.

“What do you mean?” She asks, pairing up socks and folding them together. “Missing what spark?”

“I don’t know,” Peter sighs. He feels dumb for suggesting it, folding one of Carter’s shirts and placing it in his pile. “I just… we’ve obviously been so focused on the kids that I just feel like we haven’t had much time for us lately.”

Lara Jean finishes her pile of laundry, placing it back in the laundry basket and moving it aside. “So, what are you proposing then to get the spark back in our relationship?”

She doesn’t argue, but Peter doesn’t miss the amused smile on her face and instead braces himself for her to immediately reject the idea he has in mind.

“I was thinking maybe a weekend getaway?” He says apprehensively. He waits a moment, and when she doesn’t say anything he sits up a little straighter, continuing on. “Maybe just to the beach. Not far, but far enough that we can just focus on ourselves and not the three children we are attempting to raise.”

He earns half a laugh from Lara Jean, who shakes her head. “And where are these three children of ours going to go if we go away for the weekend?”

“My mom’s? Or your dad and Trina’s? Or maybe even Kitty and Owen can take them?”

Lara Jean stares pointedly. “I’m not sure Kitty and Owen are the right people to take care of two 6 year olds and Emmi.”

“They’re older and much more mature now!” Peter sighs, to which Lara Jean has no argument. “So they’re our last resort. But can we try to make this work?”

He braces himself for a no. He tells himself that Lara Jean will say that she has a big order at the bakery or that she isn’t ready to be away from the kids despite them all growing older now. But she’s silent for a moment, glances at her phone, and then looks at her husband.

“Let’s find a place to stay and a weekend to go.”

Peter swears he hasn’t smiled this much since the twins were born.

—

After much convincing and the promise that they’d buy them alcohol _after_ they were done babysitting the kids, Kitty and Owen agree to a weekend with their nieces and nephew. Lara Jean prepared herself for the twins especially to be affected by she and Peter leaving for a few days, but instead they’re more excited that they get to be with Aunt Kitty and Uncle Owen for a few days instead of them.

“Is it bad I’m kind of sad they don’t care that we’re gone?” Lara Jean asks as Peter pulls down their street, heading towards the highway on the way to the beach for the weekend. “I really thought our kids would at least care that we were leaving, even if it was only for a little bit before our siblings distracted them.”

Peter laughs, merging onto the highway and reaching over for his wife’s hand. “Maybe they needed the weekend away from us as much as we needed the weekend alone,” He shrugs. “This will be good for all of us, even if our babysitters were our last options.”

Lara Jean nods, reaching for her phone to turn on her playlist. She tries to relax, tell herself that she and Peter need this weekend away more than anything, but her mind wanders to her babies back home and if they’re having a good time.

She resists the urge to text Kitty, hopes that they’ll at least get some updates, and instead watches the highway grow more crowded and the beach come closer into their sight, trying to soak up the feeling of a childless vacation for the first time since their honeymoon.

—

The beach is Lara Jean’s absolute favorite place to be. It’s fairly quiet for it being just before Summer, the ocean is cold, but the sand is warm under her feet and there’s a beautiful sunset on the horizon and immediately Lara Jean is grateful that Peter pushed for this.

“Just you, me, and this view for the weekend,” Peter murmurs, handing Lara Jean a glass of wine as he stands behind her. “Can you believe we’re back here again? After all this time we return with no kids.”

“We’ve been here with the kids though,” Lara Jean whispers back, leaning back against Peter’s chest. She takes a sip of her wine, watching the sun slowly sink behind the horizon. “But I am really glad to be here with you. Right now. Nothing keeping us distracted.”

Peter laughs against her shoulder, vibrating against her skin as he moves to kiss along the back of her neck. She shudders under his touch, turning around in his arms to kiss him roughly, her wine barely holding on in her hand.

“Back to the house?” She mumbles against his lips, laughing when Peter picks her up and carries her through the sand and up to the house they’ve rented for the weekend, guiding her towards the bedroom.

—

The weekend is exactly what Lara Jean needs. She and Peter wake up in the morning when the suns already risen to peace and quiet, the only sounds coming from the waves crashing against the shore. Realizing they had no other responsibilities Lara Jean rolls over, curling up against Peter’s side.

Peter instinctively pulls her close, kissing the top of her head. “Listen,” He mumbles, pressing himself closer to her. “There are no children waiting to wake us up.”

Lara Jean laughs against his chest, kissing along his collarbones. “I know we’re at the beach and we should be like, savoring our time without having to watch our children in the ocean, but I really just want to lay here with you and not move for the foreseeable future.”

Peter shifts under her touch, leaning down and tilting her chin to look at him. He presses his lips to hers softly, brushing her hair away from her face. “I’m more than content to just lay here with you for as long as you want,” He smiles, moving to kiss along her jaw and down to her chest.

Lara Jean tilts her head back, fingers grabbing at his arms as he moves down her body, further under the blankets.

If it means staying here with Peter like this, she’s more than happy with how this getaway is going.

—

Lara Jean walks out of the bathroom with sun-kissed skin, her hair wet and drying falling over her shoulders, and the one dress she finds that still makes her feel sexy after all this time and a pregnancy with twins.

Peter pauses buttoning his shirt, eyebrows raising to look at his wife. “Holy shit, babe. You want me to go to this dinner you booked and you come out looking like that?”

“Shut up,” Lara Jean groans, but she’s smiling and moving to slip her heels on, glancing back at her husband. “You know, I’m second guessing booking this dinner, too. The rolled up sleeves and that shirt are… a lot.”

Peter smirks, pushing his sleeves up further, teasing. He walks over, wrapping his arms around her middle and leaning around to kiss along her jaw. “We could always cancel it. Forget it’s happening and just stay here and maybe get out of these clothes,” He mumbles against her skin, sending goosebumps down her spine.

She hesitates for a moment, and then sighs. “We should really savor a childless dinner in a restaurant,” She concedes. “But after? We’re coming back here as quick as possible.”

“You have yourself a deal, Mrs. Kavinsky,” Peter smiles, spinning her around to kiss her for good measure.

Peter doesn’t like to admit it, but Lara Jean was right.

It’s a special sort of bliss being at a restaurant and not having to sort out the bread brought to the table by the waiter or cut anyone else’s dinner. They actually have adult conversations, ones about the bakery and Peter’s job and everything in between, and it feels like they’re catching up on all the time they’ve lost in the chaos of the life they wouldn’t trade for the world.

“Have you thought about opening a bakery here?” Peter asks, taking a bite of his steak. “I mean, the way I look at it, we’re doing well enough that we could buy a condo here.”

Lara Jean raises her eyebrows. “You want to have a beach place?”

Peter doesn’t answer for a moment. He chews his bite of food methodically, reaching for his wine. “I wouldn’t say I’d be opposed to it,” He finally says, taking a sip of wine and looking back to his wife. "The way I look at it, we all love the beach. You always feel the most peaceful here, and we’re raising three water babies. The twins are getting to the age where we don’t have to worry as much about them, and we know we have the money to find an affordable place down here we can come to when we just need some time away.”

Lara Jean takes her own sip of wine, raising her eyebrows over the rim of the glass. “You’ve been thinking a lot about this, haven’t you?”

She’s not mad, at least Peter doesn't think. There’s a hint of a smile curling at the corner of her lips, like maybe she’s amused that he’s put so much thought into it.

“I just want all of us to be happy. And home is great, you know that, but the peace we all feel when we’re by the ocean is a whole different thing.”

“It is,” Lara Jean agrees quietly. She takes another bite of her dinner, mulling it over. “I’d have to think about if it’d be worth it to have a seasonal place. That’s a whole other storefront to upkeep when we wouldn’t be here all the time. And I like our little place in the city.”

Peter nods. “Maybe a food truck?” He offers, brightening when Lara Jean laughs.

“Maybe,” She smiles, finishing the rest of her dinner. “I still need to think about it, though. Two homes, three kids and two bakeries is _a lot_ , Peter. Even for you.”

Peter nods, seeming satisfied with the answer as he reaches across the table to take her hand. “Just know that I would take on any adventure like this if it meant that you were right there along with me.”

Lara Jean feels the blush creep on her cheeks, squeezing his hand. “I love you,” She mumbles.

“I love you too,” Peter replies, squeezing her hand back.

This trip was by far the best idea he’s had in a while.

—

The rest of the weekend is filled with beach trips, watching the sunset, alcohol, and lots of time spent alone in bed without worrying about being caught by three nosy children. Lara Jean, who had been initially hesitant in even wanting to go on this trip in the first place, is in heaven and is almost upset to see their last night arrive and their final FaceTime home go by without the kids seeming like they wanted them to come home.

“I do miss our babies, but I’m glad they’re having a good time,” She sighs, tossing her phone down onto the bed. Peter traces patterns on her back as she moves her head to rest on his chest. “I think it’ll probably be an adjustment for all of us to go back to normal life after this weekend.”

“Somehow our kids will survive without Kitty and Owen babysitting them. They’ll be back to boring Mom and Dad. They’ll get over it soon enough.”

Lara Jean laughs, leaning back to kiss Peter softly. “How are _we_ going to go back to normal life? I feel like we’ve been living in luxury the last few days.”

Peter kisses her again, smiling. “We’ll figure it out. Work, kids, routines. It may be good for us to get back to,” He shrugs. “I kind of miss it all.”

“You won’t on Monday when we’re back trying to figure out how we’re going to get three kids to three different places,” Lara Jean mumbles, head falling back against his chest. “Thank you for making me come on this trip. For forcing me to get away from the kids and the bakery and everything that comes with our insane life.”

“We needed time to focus on us. To be together with each other and not worry about anyone or anything else,” He whispers. His lips press to her hair. “It’s been six years since we’ve had time to ourselves. I think we more than deserve it.”

Lara Jean nods, tracing patterns on his bare chest as she tilts her head back to kiss him. “Let’s just stay here for a while,” She whispers, and when she turns to straddle Peter’s waist and his arms wrap around her back, she takes it as a sign that he’s not protesting this idea.

—

There are moments where Lara Jean looks at Peter and wonders how they ended up together.

It hasn’t always been easy. There were all those years they were apart, then finding their ways back to each other only to find that Peter has a whole other life he’s lived now that he has Emmi. Lara Jean had to learn to navigate that. To be the mother figure Emmi needed her to be, to be that person in Peter’s life that he needed her to be.

But they’ve built this life together. They’ve had two kids together, Emmi has become her daughter in ways she once only dreamed of when they first met, and things had been going better than ever. And if she were to take a step back and think about all those times she told herself she and Peter would never become a thing again and she would have a hard time ever taking him back, she would’ve never made it back to this.

Peter’s always up before her, floating through the kitchen of their rental place while he makes breakfast on their final morning. Pretty soon they’re going to be back on the road and making their way home to their babies and normal life, but right now she thinks she could live in this moment.

The moment where she hovers in the doorway of the tiny kitchen with a smile on her face, one of Peter’s t-shirts on and a cup of coffee in her hands. It reminds her of their early college years, where Peter would come visit and she’d always find him digging through her cereal collection, looking for something to eat until she got up and they could go out.

“I could watch this forever, you know,” Lara Jean says softly when Peter notices her, walking forward to kiss him.

“Quiet mornings are a luxury, aren’t they?” He smiles, turning back to finish making their breakfast. “Almost makes me want to extend our time here.”

Lara Jean hums in agreement, sitting down to breakfast and savoring their last moments at then each together before they had to leave.

By the time they pack up the car and leave the house the way it was when they came a storm is rolling in, which Lara Jean finds fitting to cap off the way she feels about leaving this little getaway Peter suggested.

They navigate their way through the quiet streets of the beach town and back to the highway, Lara Jean putting on a playlist and reaching for Peter’s hand.

“Can we do this more often? Have these getaways? Reconnect?” She asks quietly, glancing towards Peter.

He looks at her for a moment, smiling as he squeezes her hand. “Of course, my love,” He nods, turning the music up a little louder and reaching for her hand once more.

They make their way back home, where all three kids greet them in the driveway with smiles and plenty of stories about their weekend with Kitty and Owen. And for as relaxing as it was to get away without the kids and reconnect in ways Lara Jean hadn’t even realized she needed with her husband, there wasn’t nothing quite like coming home to the chaos of their three kids.

Just now she feels like she and Peter can navigate this all in a better way than they ever have before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for all your love on this little series! i'm still blown away at how much you guys love it! 
> 
> i'm working (a little slowly) on a new fic with these two outside of this series, so hopefully i will start posting that soon! :)
> 
> the kids will be back in this series though next week, don't worry!
> 
> see you next sunday!! :) <3
> 
> title of the chapter is from Temporary Love by Ben Platt


	14. you taught me to do the right things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trina comes to the rescue when things get a little overwhelming for Lara Jean

It was one thing when Carter came home with a fever from school.

Lara Jean quarantined the seven year old to his room, armed him with juice and medicine and a million movies to watch on her laptop, promising that she would come back as soon as she got everyone else settled and started on their homework. She texted Peter, grateful when he came home from work early and left a kiss on the top of her head, making his way upstairs to be with Carter in his room.

But it was hard keeping the twins apart, and despite their numerous attempts and threats and even lectures, Olivia barely stayed away. She took a while giving him his water, snuck into his room when she would go upstairs to get ready for bed, and eventually came down with the same illness her brother had just as quickly as he came down with it.

And then eventually it spread to Emmi, who’s buried under blankets in her bed and barely emerges to take medicine and eat something before she’s burrowing back under her cocoon, half listening to Lara Jean and her never-ending remedies that frankly a 14 year old doesn’t really care about.

Lara Jean has already called out from the bakery, half worried that she’s carrying the illness and mostly because she knows someone needs to stay home with all three kids, which Peter says he’d take a half day to help out with. She moves out of bed first, quietly moving downstairs and grabbing the medicine and anything else she may need throughout the day in her hands. Peter is quiet upstairs above her, coming down with his hair disheveled and his face as white as she can ever remember seeing it.

“Oh no,” She sighs, pushing off from her spot at the counter to meet her husband halfway. He doesn't pull away when she reaches up to feel his forehead, instead just sighing and leaning his hand on the island. “Baby, the kids got you sick, too. Tell me you're not going to work today.”

“I have this report to present today,” Peter mumbles, but his voice is hoarse and his throat sounds like it aches and Lara Jean frowns, pushing him towards the chair at the island.

“There’s no way you can do it,” She whispers, turning back to make him tea and pouring out a cup of medicine for him. "Can it wait?”

She turns back to see him shrug, pulling out his phone and typing. “I'll ask, but I’m not getting my hopes up,” He says weakly, chewing on the corner of his lip. “No wonder our kids are miserable. This is awful.”

“Why don’t you just go back to bed? Even if you think you can make it into work, I don’t want you going.”

“And you're going to have to take care of all three kids and me?” Peter asks, coughing harshly into his arm. “Baby, that’s too much. How are you going to do all that and stay sane?”

“I’ll be fine,” Lara Jean urges. She's not totally confident in her abilities to manage three sick kids and a husband who's virtually out of commission, but she puts on a brave face in front of Peter and is thankful that his brain is too hazy to notice that she's lying through her teeth about how she's perfectly capable of managing everything herself.

“If you’re sure,” Peter says, standing up on shaky legs and watching her. “And if you need me you'll let me know, right? I can rally if you need help with the kids.”

Lara Jean rests her hand on his arm, shaking her head. “You need to stop worrying. I’ll be fine,” She promises, nodding. “Just go rest, please?"

Peter relents, nodding and turning around slowly, making his way back up to their bedroom to change. Lara Jean watches him half waiting for him to turn back and say he can't make it up the steps or to hear him fall over, but eventually their bedroom door shuts and the house stills once again.

Lara Jean sighs. It was one thing taking care of one kid, but now all three _and_ Peter down for the count means she's going to be outnumbered more than ever before. Already feeling helpless, she moves back to finish making Peter’s tea and a piece of toast, flipping through her phone to text a helping hand she knows she can always count on.

—

Trina arrives with a bag from the drugstore full of all kinds of medicine and remedies Lara Jean can remember her having when she was a teenager. It was mostly for Kitty at that point, and Lara Jean can remember herself being resistant to trying when she was still getting used to Trina living with them.

“Trina, you didn't have to do all of this," Lara Jean sighs, ushering her inside all the same as she hugs her. “I know you probably have a million other things you'd rather be doing. I didn't think you'd drive all the way down here. I just thought — I guess I just thought you'd give me some advice.”

“You have three sick babies and a sick husband. You need me more than any of my chores or my work need me,” She smiles, gravitating to the kitchen to set out everything. "How are you feeling? You okay? You don't think you're coming down with it as well?”

“I feel fine,” Lara Jean shrugs, taking a moment to breathe. She feels like she’s been nonstop taking care of all three kids and now Peter, trying to gauge how she's feeling. If anything, she's surprised that she hasn't gotten sick yet. “I’m pretty sure it’s inevitable that I get this. Peter got it helping me with the kids.”

Trina smiles, placing a bottle of medicine on the counter. “Don’t worry, I bought stuff you can take as well to hopefully prevent it. Or at least if you get it, it won't be as bad.”

Lara Jean thanks her, helping her pour out medicine for the twins and Emmi and another cup for Peter, both making their way upstairs. Trina tackles Emmi and Olivia, while Lara Jean first stops at Carter’s room, running her fingers through his curls as he reaches for his water after downing the medicine.

“After you take a nap maybe you guys can all watch a movie together in mine and Dad’s bed," Lara Jean sighs, letting the palm of her hand rest against Carter’s forehead for a moment. “You feeling a little better today?”

“A little bit,” Carter shrugs, falling back against his pillows and yawning. “I can go with Dad after I sleep?”

“Sure,” Lara Jean smiles, kissing his forehead and turning back on the humidifier. “Just tell me or get Dad if you need anything, okay? Or Grandma Trina since she's here helping,” She says softly, waiting for Carter to nod before she slips out of his bedroom, making her way down to she and Peter's room.

Peter’s already half asleep when she creeps in, barely poking out of the covers. Lara Jean sighs, running her fingers through his hair and coaxing him awake. “Babe, can you just take this medicine? Then you can sleep, I promise.”

Peter groans, rolling over to push himself up onto his elbows, reaching out for the cup of medicine blindly. "Are you just going to keep pumping me with drugs until I'm functioning again?”

Lara Jean bites her lip to stop from laughing, brushing his curls away from his face. “Trina brought it. She’s always had miracle cures, so I figured it was worth a shot?" She tries, smiling when Peter just shrugs and pushes the cup back into her hands clumsily.

“How are the kids?”

“Well Trina went to see the girls, but Carter says he’s feeling a little better today,” Lara Jean sighs. "I may have promised him you guys could watch a movie after he napped?”

“Fine by me,” Peter sighs, coughing into his arm. “We can all spend our last hours together in this bed."

“Don't be dramatic,” Lara Jean rolls her eyes. “Carter says he feels better, which means there is a light at the end of the tunnel,” She promises, leaning down to kiss his cheek. “Get some sleep, I’ll come check on you soon. You can always text me if you or the kids need something."

Peter nods, but he's already buried back under the blankets by the time she slips out of the room and back downstairs where Trina has started making homemade soup.

“If they don’t eat it now, at least it will be ready for later," She smiles, stirring before putting the lid on the pot. “The boys okay?"

Lara Jean nods, tying her hair up into a bun. “Both are sleeping. Carter says he feels a little better,” She sighs, leading Trina out to the living room. “How were the girls?”

“Tired,” Trina smiles, sitting down on the opposite side of the sofa. "But Olivia took her medicine and I promised I’d lay with her in a little bit. Emmi was just happy to go back to sleep after I made her take some medicine. She looked pretty pale.”

Lara Jean nods, turning on the TV for a moment and soaking in that there was a moment of peace in the otherwise even more chaotic household the last few days. She welcomes the silence, glancing at the baby monitors she put back in the kids room to reassure herself before sinking in to watch the TV.

“How have things been in general?” Trina asks after a brief moment of silence, glancing over to her stepdaughter. "Things have been okay other than this hiccup?”

Lara Jean hesitates, nodding. “The twins love school, thank god. Carter’s been asking if he can go back soon. And the bakery's been doing really well so that takes a lot of stress off of us. Peter's really happy with his promotion, too.”

Trina nods, reaching for her glass of water. "And Emmi?”

Lara Jean laughs, sighing. She knows she's told Trina some things, but she's doing her best to roll with it and not complain, so most of it has been held inside. “I feel like I’m the worst stepparent in the entire world," She confesses, shifting. “I know she's 14, but it's like everything I say or do is the exact opposite of what she wants from me. And we went from being close to this. It’s just — I feel like I’m failing.”

Trina’s quiet for a moment, a smile on her face. “Do you not remember how you were right when I moved in?” She asks, studying Lara Jean for a moment. “I don't think you were the happiest person in town, either.”

“I wasn’t," Lara Jean admits, sighing. "But I feel like that was different. I wasn't little when you married my dad.”

“You weren’t,” Trina smiles. “But Emmi was 5. And maybe things were smooth sailing before, but she’s testing the boundaries. Do you think maybe she's thinking about her biological mom?”

Lara Jean shrugs, nodding as she picks at a hangnail on her finger. “Maybe, yeah. She hasn't said anything, but I’m sure it crosses her mind every once in a while."

“She probably has a lot running through her brain. But you know what? You’re doing the right thing. All you can keep doing is reminding her that you’re there for her whenever she needs you, and you are not going anywhere. Because I'm sure there's some doubts going through her mind.”

Lara Jean nods, contemplating everything for a moment. Through her sheer exhaustion she knows that Trina is right, that this is just Emmi's age more than anything else, but it’s still in the back of her mind that maybe she isn't doing the right thing, or maybe there's something else she could try that would make things better.

“Thank you,” She breathes out, turning to look at Trina once more. “For being the best example of a stepmom to me. I couldn’t — I wouldn't be the mom to Emmi that I am without at least some of your guidance.”

Trina smiles, reaching over to pull Lara Jean into a hug. “While it’s sweet that you say that, you did that all yourself,” She smiles. "I did what I could to show you girls that I was not replacing your mom. You’ve been the mom that Emmi has always needed. And that, my love, came from you.”

“Helps knowing that I had you in my life, though," Lara Jean smiles, leaning her head against Trina's shoulder.

“There has been nothing greater than watching you be a mom to these kiddos. And if you ever need help with getting through to Emmi, I think I can more than help with that. After all, it took me a little while to get through to you.”

Lara Jean laughs, shaking her head. “You always knew you would,” Lara Jean smiles, resting her head against Trina’s shoulder. “You did it a million times before you married Dad.”

“And I’d do it a million times more, just like I know you’d do the same for Emmi,” Trina smiles, resting her cheek against the top of Lara Jean’s head and squeezing her hand.

Lara Jean knows that this silence and peaceful moment between she and Trina won't last forever. Eventually someone will need her upstairs, and she'll be back into her life of taking care of her sick family. But for now she's going to revel in the fact that she has a stepmom who would drop everything to come take care of them and give her reassurance that while things feel difficult now, they're not always going to be this way.

It’s more than she could’ve ever asked for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so much for the reads/comments/kudos every time! i'm glad you guys still like this universe as much as i do :)
> 
> i know i said more of the kids would be in this week, but then i changed my mind and went with this instead! so they really will be back next week :)
> 
> title of the chapter is from Mama's Song by Carrie Underwood (i try not to reuse the same song twice, but honestly i gave up trying to find a good one for this chapter haha)
> 
> see you next sunday!! <3 <3 <3


	15. I'm gonna make mistakes but I'm trying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emmi tests the boundaries of being a teenager.

Maybe one of the biggest parts of being a teenager meant seeing how far you could bend the rules.

Peter knew this at least, constantly reminded about how he always charmed his mother into a later curfew, a promise that the party wouldn’t get out of hand, a smile and a swear that he would do every chore that crossed her mind the following day if he could just go out.

But Lara Jean was a rule follower. To a fault. Rules weren’t made to be broken, and so house parties without parents, later curfews than her dad had set, and charming her way into getting what she wanted were so far away from who high school Lara Jean was that she wasn’t sure how she was going to handle it.

Which is why she didn’t, not at first. Peter handled most of 16 year old Emmi’s bargaining and requests. Occasionally he caved, which left Lara Jean wracked with worry that she often counted the minutes until curfew came, Emmi always on time. Peter insisted they had no reason not to trust her, and while Lara Jean _does_ agree with that, there’s a whole part of her brain that says she really doesn’t need to be at a party that’s probably incredibly irresponsible on behalf of the other kids.

“So, Mom,” Emmi begins. Lara Jean hears her pull out a chair from the island, sinking down while she watches her make dinner. “Lila and I were invited to a senior’s party on Friday.”

“Oh yeah?” Lara Jean smiles, glancing up at her daughter as she chops some vegetables. “And I’m guessing this is you asking if you’re going to be allowed to go?”

“I’ve gotten really good grades all year, I haven’t missed curfew once, and you know I’ll be responsible.”

Lara Jean turns back to put the vegetables on the stove, sighing. “I don’t have any doubts that you’ll be responsible, Emmi. But I don’t know this senior who invited you, I’m almost certain there will be alcohol, and I don’t think you’re old enough for that.”

Emmi sighs, tapping her fingers on the counter. “Dad would say yes.”

“I don’t think he would, Em. This isn’t like one of the other parties he’s been okay with letting you go to.”

“Did you go to parties when you were 16?” She presses.

Lara Jean turns back to stir the vegetables, sighing. “Yes,” She says honestly, glancing back at the teenager. “But they were not seniors, and I knew the person hosting it.”

“But the parents weren’t there.”

“So you’re saying the parents won’t be at this party either?” Lara Jean smirks, Emmi groaning and throwing her head back. “Em, I’m sorry. It’s a no to this party, and I can’t imagine Lila’s mom is going to let her go either. You can both sleep here if you want.”

Emmi stands up, watching Lara Jean turn back to start cooking the rest of dinner, reaching to grab the rice. “What if I just went?”

Lara Jean turns, starring back at the teenager. “You’d be grounded from parties probably forever, your dad will probably have a heart attack, and if you think your teenage years are bad now, they’d be a million times worse after that.”

She watches Emmi take a slow breath, watching her. “If I go, are you just going to leave all of us? Like just walk out on Dad and the twins and I? Because of me?”

“Emmi, what? I —“

“You’d just leave like everyone else has, right? This wouldn’t be the first time. And it’s because I’m horrible and you can’t stand raising someone as horrible as me.” She crosses her arms over her chest, sighing. “For the record, you’re definitely being the worst mom in the world right now. And I don’t care if that makes you leave.”

She turns on her heels before Lara Jean can say anything, slamming her bedroom door. Lara Jean sighs, half forgetting about the food she’s cooking for dinner until it dawns on her it’s sizzling in the distance.

And then she turns and Peter is standing there, bag half off his shoulder and a look of concern on his face. “Baby…”

“How much of that did you hear?” Lara Jean sighs, removing the vegetables and beginning to brown the meat.

Peter walks over, pressing his lips to the top of her head. “Enough to hear her ask if you were going to leave her like everyone else has,” He mumbles against her hair. “What happened?”

Lara Jean sighs, realizing she’s on the verge of tears as she stares at their dinner cooking. “She asked if she could go to a senior’s party. I said no, and then she said what would happen if she just snuck out and went anyway.”

Peter’s quiet for a moment, setting his things down and turning back to his wife. “Did you want me to talk to her?”

Lara Jean sighs, shaking her head. “No, I’ll talk to her,” She turns back. “I’ll give her a few more minutes and then I’ll go talk to her. You feed the twins?”

Peter nods, untying his tie and unbuttoning his shirt, sighing. “I’m sorry she’s being horrible.”

“She’s fine,” Lara Jean insists. Because she remembers what it’s like to be a teenager and to have so many emotions. And she remembers how she felt when Trina moved in and maybe this is different, but she has to think that Emmi is feeling a million different things than she can even begin to explain in her brain.

Peter’s silent for a moment, and then turns to look at Lara Jean. “What if we let her go to this party?”

Lara Jean stills. “What?” She asks, turning the burner down on the stove and turning to her husband. “I thought we were both in agreement that she doesn’t go to parties where we don’t know the person?”

“We are,” Peter nods. He sighs, running his fingers through his hair. “But I also think about who we were at 16. And we went to parties that weren’t always at people’s houses that we knew.”

“ _You_ went to parties like that,” Lara Jean smirks. “Are you really okay with her going?”

Peter sighs. He’s stuck at a crossroads of wanting to be united with Lara Jean, but also wanting to give his daughter the freedom he thinks she’s earned. “I don’t know. She’s been good lately, her grades are great. I think if Lila is allowed to go, then I’m okay with her going.”

Lara Jean sighs, giving an uneasy look before she nods. “Okay,” She agrees after a moment.

“You agree?”

“I don’t know,” She confesses, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “I do agree that she’s given us no reason not to trust her, though. So I’ll be behind you in support for this one.”

“Want me to talk to her?” Peter asks, smiling when Lara Jean quickly shakes her head.

“I need to do this,” She insists. “It’ll look horrible if I send you up to finish this fight. And I don’t want her to think I hate her. Even if that does sound irrational, and probably will to her when she’s calmed down.”

Peter nods in understanding, leaving a kiss to Lara Jean’s temple as she stands up.

Just like they had planned, Peter focuses on getting the twins fed while Lara Jean makes her way upstairs, knocking on Emmi’s door.

“Can we talk?” She asks when Emmi says she can come in. Emmi sighs, nodding as she sits up, making room for Lara Jean to sit down.

“I get how frustrated you are at your dad and I,” She starts off, staring at her leggings as Emmi shifts beside her. “I was 16 once too, Em. And Grandpa Dan was just as strict about us going to parties that would have alcohol.”

“I wouldn’t get drunk,” Emmi mumbles, picking at her comforter between the two of them. “I just don’t get why every time I ask to go somewhere you both say no.”

“Because we love you,” Lara Jean retorts. It seems so simple now, but she can remember being 16 and wondering why her dad hated her and wanted to ruin her life when she would ask to do some things, too. “And if something happened to you do you know how I’d feel? Let alone your dad?”

Emmi sighs, nodding. “I guess I get it.”

“Is Lila allowed to go? Is that why you seem even more upset now than you were downstairs?” Turning to face Emmi, Lara Jean watches her nod.

“She’s allowed to go if I am.”

She sighs, instinctively running her fingers through Emmi’s hair. “Well, Dad and I both agree that you were right. You haven’t done anything to make us not trust you, you have good grades, and you’ve overall been really responsible, even with curfew.”

Emmi perks up, meeting Lara Jean’s eyes.

“So, if Lila is going, we will allow you to go. But we’re trusting you, Em, okay? To be home by 12:30 and make good decisions.”

“Yeah, okay,” Emmi nods, falling forward into Lara Jean’s arms. “Thank you Mom, thank you.”

Lara Jean laughs, rubbing the teenager’s back. “Don’t make me regret uniting with your dad on this,” She says quietly, pulling away. “And Em, you do know that I will never leave you, right?”

Emmi’s quiet for a moment, leaning back against her pillows. “I didn’t mean that.”  
“It’s okay if you did,” Lara Jean comments. She leans back again, staring straight ahead. “You know, I get how you’re feeling.”

“Your mom died, though. She didn’t leave you because she wanted to,” Emmi sighs. “My mom is alive. She just didn’t want me.”

Lara Jean reaches over, rubbing Emmi’s arm. “My mom may have died, Emmi, but I was your age when Grandma Trina moved in. And it was hard for me to accept that my dad was moving on.”

“I don’t feel like that. I’m glad my dad found you,” Emmi mumbles. She’s silent for a moment, and then sighs. “I said it because it’s why my mom left, right? Because I was two and she didn’t know how to deal with me, and so leaving was easier. And so if I’m being a brat and not listening to you or doing what I want even after you and Dad say no, you’re going to want to leave too.”

“Emmi,” Lara Jean says softly. “We don’t know exactly why your mom left. I promise your dad isn’t hiding anything from you with that.” She waits until Emmi responds, a hum in agreement. “And I promise you that getting rid of me is not that easy. Like it or not, you’re stuck with me forever, kid. Even when you’re being a brat and purposely not listening just because you want to do what you want.”

Emmi nods, her head falling against Lara Jean’s shoulder.” I’m really glad that you’re my mom. And that you never treat me like I’m not your biological kid.”

“In my brain you are my biological kid,” Lara Jean laughs. “Maybe we don’t talk about you not being my biological kid enough, but that’s because I don’t feel like we have to. You not being blood related to me doesn’t make me see you as anything less than my daughter. As far as I’m concerned, I was always meant to have you as my kid.”

“You are no less my child than the twins are. I made a promise to myself all those years ago when you were still so little that I would never make you feel like you weren’t my own kid. And if I _ever_ make you feel like that I want you to tell me, yes?”

Emmi nods, sighing. “You’re really good at the whole strict mom thing everyone else’s parents do.”

Lara Jean laughs, leaning back just enough to kiss Emmi’s hair. “I love you kid, you know that? And nothing you say to me or do or how you act is going to make me love you less.”

“Even when I try to purposely don’t listen to your rules?”

Lara Jean smiles, pushing hair away from Emmi’s face. “Well, I don’t love that,” She smirks. “But I get it. You’re a teenager. And I still love who you are as a person and as my baby, even when I don’t necessarily love your actions.”

Emmi smiles, leaning her head back down on Lara Jean’s shoulder for a moment. Lara Jean revels in the rare moment, soaking it in and reminding herself that amidst the chaos of raising a teenager, there are incredibly good moments like this that she wants to stick around forever.

“Dad is feeding the twins, but I told him to save us some dinner. Want to come eat with me?” She asks after a moment, to which Emmi seems to perk up beside her.

“God, yes,” Emmi smiles, lifting her head and sliding off her bed, waiting for Lara Jean so they can walk downstairs together.

Peter watches as they both walk into the kitchen and smile at him, sitting down at the island to eat with their argument long forgotten about. He thinks about commenting on it, asking if things are good now or ask if she’s going to the party, but instead he lets them have their moment, kissing both of their heads and disappearing into the other room to play with the twins before bed.

He senses it’s a moment Lara Jean needs to keep to herself right now, and she has never been more grateful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the reads/comments/kudos! you guys are the BEST and i don't deserve any of it but i love you all <3 <3 <3 i'm slowly working on a new fic out of this universe, so hopefully you guys like that just as much when i do start posting it!
> 
> next week will probably feature the twins more since i feel like it's been a while! :)
> 
> see you next week! :) <3 <3 <3
> 
> title of the chapter is from Dear Diary by Anthony Ramos


	16. we made these memories for ourselves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Carter have a father-son day together

“I want to do something special with Carter.”

Peter says it out of the blue after all the kids are in bed, he and Lara Jean spending some much needed alone time together. Lara Jean’s head is in Peter’s lap, his fingers carding through her hair, and for a moment he feels like he’s back in high school when everything was so simple.

“Oh yeah?” Lara Jean asks quietly. “What were you thinking of doing?”

Peter’s silent for a moment, shrugging. “I don’t know. I want to do something with him that I wish my dad would’ve done with me. We never had father and son days. I don’t want that to happen with Carter and me.”

“It won’t,” Lara Jean says quickly. She turns to face him, her expression serious. “He’s 9, you know. Plenty of time to start a tradition.”

Peter hums in agreement, letting the chatter from the show they were watching fill the room for a while. “Maybe I’ll let him choose?” He decides, to which Lara Jean agrees, shifting her body so she was able to look up at him.

“Whatever you two do, it’s going to be a perfect day. For both of you.”

Peter nods, half paying attention to the show and half thinking about what Carter would want to do on a day he plans to make as special as possible.

—

In a twist of events, Carter decides he wants to go to an adventure park.

Peter spends a slow afternoon at work looking it up, his heart hammering in his chest. He vaguely remember dropping his son off there for a birthday party, the room filled with trampolines and dodgeball and obstacle courses that Peter _knows_ he would’ve loved when he was Carter’s age.

But now he’s older and a father of three kids, and as much as it pains him to admit, he isn’t as athletic as he used to be. He can practically feel the soreness in his muscles just looking at the photos, the ice packs he’s going to need once Carter’s in bed because his kids can have no reason to make fun of him.

But it’s Carter’s day, and so he decides to suck it up and go with it, hoping that by some miracle his body — that he still keeps in decent shape — holds up in an afternoon at an adventure park that’s meant for kids.

—

“Are you positive you don’t want to go to the movies? Or a baseball game? Or like, anywhere else?” Peter asks after dinner one night, looking over at his son as he finishes his vegetables. “I mean, there’s nowhere you want to go without your sisters?”

Carter looks at his dad and chews the rest of his broccoli, nodding. “Emmi and Liv won’t want to go to the adventure park. So we should go there.”

“I think both of your sisters would like the adventure park,” Peter counters, but Carter just narrows his eyes and Peter puts his hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay. Adventure park it is.”

“You don’t want to go because you’re old,” Carter smirks, picking up the last piece of broccoli and taking a bite. “That’s what Emmi said.”

“What exactly did Emmi say?” Peter asks, hiding his smile as he reaches for his wine glass.

Carter laughs, setting his fork back on his plate. “She said that if I make you go to the adventure park you’re going to be sore and it’ll hurt because you’re so old.”

Peter can’t hide his laugh, shaking his head. “I’m going to give that kid a piece of my mind,” He smiles, turning back to Carter as he finishes his dinner. “I will be fine. Never listen to your sister when she’s making fun of me.”  
“We’ll see if you’ll be okay,” Carter teases, shrugging as he stands up and brings his plate to the sink, laughing when he squirms away from Peter’s arms and runs upstairs to get a shower.

Lara Jean, who listened to the whole conversation as she cleaned the kitchen while Peter bribed their son, smiles at her husband when he stands up to split the last of the wine with her. “The adventure park is definitely going to kill you,” She laughs, clinking her glass with his. “I mean, you’re definitely still fit, don’t get me wrong, but trampolines aren’t really your thing at our age.”

Peter tries to come up with a witty remark, but comes up empty as he takes a sip of his wine. “Shut up.”

Lara Jean laughs, perching on her toes to kiss his cheek. “Don’t worry, I’ll bring you all the Tylenol you need when you’re home.”

Peter just shakes his head, refusing to accept his fate.

—

The adventure park is crowded for a rainy Saturday, which in hindsight Peter should’ve known was going to happen. Carter is practically bouncing on his toes beside him, dragging Peter over to the counter to pay for the two of them.

“What are we doing first?” Peter asks, removing his shoes and putting on the socks they were given.

Carter sits down on the floor in front of his dad, shrugging. “Let’s go jump on the trampolines first. So you can warm up,” He smirks, Peter laughing as he shakes his head.

“No getting mad when I win later then,” He warns, which Carter immediately agrees to, standing up and waiting for Peter to be ready as they run over to the trampolines.

“I won’t be mad because you’re not going to beat me in anything today,” Carter calls, jumping on the trampolines and doing a backflip with such ease that he’s fairly sure his heart launches into his throat just watching him.

Peter follows suit, jumping on the trampolines and even attempting a flip, landing it with much less grace than he did when he was a teenager. Carter seems impressed, eyebrows raised as he jumps back over closer to where Peter is steadying himself. “Woah, I didn’t think you could do that.”

Peter smiles, stopping himself and trying desperately to hide that he’s out of breath. “There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me, kid,” He smiles, reaching over to grab Carter, wrestling him to the trampolines. “Mom could tell you a million stories about how great I was.”

“You tell us all the time you were good at lacrosse,” Carter smiles, pulling free from Peter’s grasp, walking to move off the trampoline. “I don’t need to ask Mom about that.”

“I have other secrets, my boy,” Peter smiles, following suit as Carter moves to another activity, smiling. “Is your new goal to make me hurt tomorrow?”

Carter nods, pushing his curls back from his face. “I said I was going to beat you.”

“I didn’t think that meant making me run around to get me tired,” Peter sighs, following his son through the maze of people. “I’m pretty sure that’s cheating.”

“It’s not,” Carter replies easily, turning back to look at his dad. “You can’t say it’s cheating just because you don't want to lose. Can we please go play now?”

Peter nods, hopping up to play dodgeball next.

—

By the time Peter is able to usher the 9 year old away from their third round of dodgeball, he can feel the soreness building in his muscles. Carter still has more energy than he knows what to do with, putting his shoes back on and bouncing beside Peter back to the car, climbing into the backseat with ease.

“You up for some ice cream?” Peter asks when he turns the car on, glancing back at Carter from the rearview mirror.

Carter’s face lights up, nodding enthusiastically. “Please! I won’t even tell Emmi or Livvy, I promise!”

Peter smiles, pulling out of the parking lot. “I think Mom is doing something special with them anyway, bud. They won’t be too jealous that we’re having some ice cream,” He promises, but Carter still swears that he won’t say anything.

The ice cream place isn’t crowded when the two walk in, Carter surveying his options before choosing cotton candy. They sit down at a table in the corner, and for a moment Peter just lets himself stare at his little boy.

He doesn’t know how 9 years have passed. How all of a sudden he blinked and the twins are in fourth grade and forming their own opinions and have these little personalities shining through more and more each day. Carter has always been shy, a little more relaxed and inquisitive in all the ways Peter remember Lara Jean being when they were younger. He’s coming out of his shell as he gets older, relates to Peter with all things sports, but Peter wouldn’t trade the way Carter is for a second. He marvels at the way their son is a mini Lara Jean in all the best ways, while both girls definitely got more of his personality.

“Did you like having a day with just me?” Peter asks after a minute, taking a bite of his ice cream.

Carter nods, sucking the ice cream off the spoon and looking back to Peter. “I like having just you with me. Not the girls,” He smiles, his teeth stained blue. “Can we do it more?”

“We can definitely do it more,” Peter beams, and then leans back in his chair. “Just maybe we don’t do something like this all the time?”

Carter’s smile lessens for a moment, and then he nods. “Okay, but only because you’re old and I don’t want you to break.”

Peter’s eyebrows raise. “Oh really, kid?” He laughs. “I’ll make you regret that next time we have a day together.”

“Deal,” Carter smiles, finishing off his ice cream. Peter watches as Carter takes their cups to the trash, standing up to follow him out the door.

As they get to the car Carter turns around, hugging Peter tightly around his middle. “Thank you for the best day ever, Dad. I love you.”

Peter, who has always been irrationally emotional when it comes to his kids, manages to compose himself in the middle of the parking lot and squeeze Carter closer to his body. “I love you too, Carter. More than you ever even thought.”

Carter pulls away first, smiling and sliding back into the back seat. He talks the whole way home about his soccer team and his friends at school, and Peter just tries to soak in his last few minutes of one-on-one time with Carter for a while.

He pulls up out front and Carter is wriggling out of his seatbelt and out the back seat before the car is barely shut off, running up the front walk and inside to greet his sisters. Peter, who’s even more exhausted now than he was before, follows behind, finding Olivia and Carter in the living room with Carter excitedly talking about his day while Olivia listens intently.

“Emmi’s in her room,” Lara Jean smiles, leaning forward for a kiss when Peter walks into the kitchen. “How was your day?”

“Don’t tell our son, but I am not cut out for these agile activities anymore.”

“Is Peter Kavinsky admitting that he’s getting old?” Lara Jean asks, amused. “Chris would be impressed.”

“You’re _not_ telling her that I’m sore from a day at the adventure park,” Peter warns, smiling when Lara Jean laughs and promises that she won’t, turning back to continue working on dinner.

“Emmi’s going out with friends, so it’s just us and the twins for dinner,” Lara Jean smiles, Peter sinking down in a seat down at the island to watch. “And when the twins go to bed?”

“This also may shock you, but I don’t think I can handle anything other than some cuddling on the couch.”

Lara Jean laughs loudly, shaking her head. “You are something else, Peter Kavinsky,” She says, but agrees anyway. Peter smiles, listening to her talk about her day with the girls, for a moment feeling like maybe they really do have a handle on this three kids thing, even if they’re 9 years into it.

—

Peter keeps true to his word, pouting when Lara Jean comes back downstairs from making sure the twins were in bed. “I’m really sorry, baby. You know I want nothing more than to have sex with you right now, right?”

“What a romantic way of putting it,” She smiles, crossing the room. “If there is one thing I know about Peter Kavinsky, it’s that he rarely says no to sex,” She smiles. She sits down on the sofa beside him, kissing him softly before he lays his head down in her lap, sighing contently when her fingers push through his hair, gently untangling the knots. “It’s fine. My dad said he’d take the twins and Emmi if she wants one weekend, so we’ll take advantage of our alone time then.”

Peter nods enthusiastically, twisting so he can look up at her. “Let’s make that happen sooner rather than later,” He suggests, his face brightening when Lara Jean laughs and leans down for a kiss, nodding.

It goes silent after the two agree on a movie, and while Peter is half asleep and Lara Jean is playing with his hair, it’s her voice that pulls him out.

“You’re a really good dad, you know that?” She murmurs, glancing down at her husband. “Our kids adore you more than anything or anyone in this world. And I know you don’t like to talk about it, but I know that you parent to make up for how your dad was with you and Owen.”

Peter stills, frozen, unsure what to say.

“Peter, you are a million times the dad your dad ever was to you. I watch you with all our babies and I fall even more in love with you than I ever thought I could. No matter what’s happened to you before, you were meant to be a dad.”

Peter nods, turning so he’s looking up at his wife. “I love you,” He whispers, pushing himself to sit up. He leans forward, kissing her softly. “And you’re the most amazing mom I could’ve ever asked for for my kids.”

Lara Jean laughs, pressing her forehead to his. “Let me give you compliments,” She whispers, both of them laughing as she kisses him again. “I love you. And I love watching the love you have for our kiddos.”

“Love you more,” He smiles, kissing her once more.

All Peter could ever ask was that people saw him as the best dad he could possibly be. He wasn’t perfect, he knows that. Sometimes he misses things or he doesn’t make the right choice, but he’s trying.

And if he could have these special days with all of his kids and bottle them up for the rest of his life, he would absolutely do it just to see them all as happy as he could’ve ever hoped for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for reading/commenting/leaving kudos :) you're all the best <3
> 
> think we're going to stay in kid mode for a while, i know there were a few things people wanted to see with teenage emmi, so that is definitely coming! and so many people asked for a kitty/owen one-shot that that will come too, it'll probably just be posted separately from this story! hopefully soon, i just need time to work on it :)
> 
> more next week! :) thank you guys for reading <3 <3 <3
> 
> title of the chapter is from Photograph by Ed Sheeran


	17. and I know we're growing up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter surprises Lara Jean at college, and helps her make a big decision

The first time Peter drives down to UNC to visit Lara Jean he gets lost.

He’s been driving around campus aimlessly for what feels like hours, replugging the address into his GPS, and then sighing in relief when he sees the signs for the visitor parking lot.

Anna, Lara Jean’s freshman year roommate, greets Peter at the edge of campus with a smile that makes him feel like they’ve known each other for years. “She’s been trapped in the library all afternoon. Just got back, actually. You’re sure she doesn’t know you’re here?”

Peter readjusts his bag on his shoulder, shaking his head. “There’s no way she even suspects it,” He says coolly, taking in the campus around him and wrapping his brain around the fact that his girlfriend lives here, a cool three hours from him.

“Well, she just has really good timing then,” Anna smiles, opening the door to their dorm building.

Peter follows her up the stairs and down the narrow halls of their dorm, watching as she unlocks the door with ease. Anna smiles at him and holds up a finger for him to wait, and so Peter does so, lingering in the hallway as Anna walks inside.

“Hey, I found this downstairs? I thought you might know where it should go,” She says, and Peter turns the corner, laughing when Lara Jean peers over the top of her book, eyebrows raising as she tosses it down on her bed, running over and jumping into Peter’s arms.

She’s smiling when she presses his lips to his, and it’s messy and he’s holding her in his arms in the doorway, and Anna just watches from behind, tossing her things into her bag. “On that note, I’m going over to Jake’s for the weekend,” She says, tossing her bag over her shoulder. “And no, this is not because I knew he was coming. We planned this a long time ago.”

Lara Jean turns back, slipping from Peter’s arms and blushing slightly. “Sorry, Anna,” She says, turning back to lean against Peter’s chest. “I’ll see you Sunday night?”

Anna smiles, nodding. “Sunday night, promise,” She says easily, grabbing her keys. “Have a good weekend, guys.”

Lara Jean waits until she slips past them and out the door before she shuts it, locking it for good measure. “How did you keep this a surprise?” She asks, walking back over and wrapping her arms around his middle. “You must’ve been planning this.”

“I have been,” He smiles. His lips press to hers softly, laughing. “We got our workout schedule for lacrosse and I saw it was a free weekend on the schedule. Thought it’d be the perfect time to come and see you.”

“It couldn’t be better timing,” She murmurs against his lips, leading him towards her bed and squeezing in against the wall. “I have missed you so much,” She says, her lips trailing from his mouth down her jaw and suddenly Peter forgets they’re in a dorm and people could knock whenever he just wants her.

—

Lara Jean orders Chinese for them for dinner, tossing her phone onto the bed and rolling against his chest. “I don’t want to have to leave this bed with you just to eat food.”

Peter’s lips press to her hair, his fingers dancing along her bare back. “You will get no arguments from me,” He replies easily, sighing. “We only have a limited time together.”

“And it’d be silly if we spent it going to the dining hall to get food.”

Peter’s chest vibrates with laughter, fingers nipping at her skin. “I knew I started dating you for a reason, Covey.”

Lara Jean smiles, tilting her head back to look up at him. She leans forward, pressing her lips along the edges of his mouth, just along his scar, smiling when he moans quietly. “We’ll have to wait until after dinner for more of that,” She smirks, kissing his mouth roughly before standing up and reaching for his t-shirt, slipping it on.

“What a tease you are, Lara Jean Covey,” Peter sighs, leaning up on his elbows, watching with amusement. “I assume you’re wearing that to go get our food?”

Lara Jean sifts through her closet, pulling out a pair of gym shorts and slipping them on. Lazily she ties her hair up in a bun, turning back to face her boyfriend. “What fun would it be if I didn’t wear my boyfriend’s clothes while he’s here?” She smiles. “Besides, me wearing your shirt means you’re _not_ wearing one. I like that scenario better.”  
  
“I think it’s a little unfair that you get to be so clothed,” Peter retorts, reaching for his own shorts on the ground, slipping them back on. “But you look so sexy in my shirt that I’m willing to forgive it.”

“Good,” Lara Jean replies easily, kissing him as he reaches for his wallet, handing her money for a tip. “Play your cards right and you get the whole weekend to see me in way less clothes than this.”

Peter’s eyes narrow, Lara Jean laughs and turns on her heels, slipping her flip flops on and walking down the hall to meet the delivery driver at the front door.

Peter collapses back onto Lara Jean’s mattress, hands folded across his middle as he stares at the ceiling, trying to think of _anything_ but his girlfriend in his t-shirt and her mouth pressed against his.

The drive has already been more than worth it.

—

Lara Jean, who’s plan was to study for her business test coming up the following week, abandons all of her plans to spend the weekend in her dorm room with her boyfriend. Peter sleeps in late Saturday morning, and carefully Lara Jean slips out from underneath his arm, at least getting some work done.

Peter stirs and notices her sitting at her desk, his t-shirt falling off her shoulder as she types quietly on her laptop. He thinks about making it known that he’s awake, but finds it much better to lay here and watch her when she doesn’t realize.

He falls in the love the way she bites the corner of her lip when she’s typing, or her fingers twirl around her hair when she’s brainstorming what to write next. He watches the patterns, the feverish tapping of the fingers and the pauses when she moves on, and for a moment he almost wishes she never notices him laying there watching her like this.

But then she does look over, and the crease that had settled in between her eyebrows dissipates and the corners of her mouth turn up into a smile. “How long have you been awake?” She asks softly, and so Peter pushes himself up onto his elbow to look at her.

“Not that long, I promise,” He says easily, clearing his throat. “I woke up and I saw you studying and I just… I wanted to watch you.”

There’s something about the way he says it, so easily and quiet and full of genuine love on his face that makes Lara Jean’s heart flutter and her breathing hitch in her throat, and before she even registers what she’s doing she’s shutting the lid of her laptop and walking back over to her bed, moving to straddle Peter’s waist when he rolls back onto his back.

“That’s sad,” She murmurs, leaning down to press her forehead to his. Her hair tickles his skin, sending goosebumps down his arms. “Because if you would’ve told me you were awake earlier we could’ve done this sooner.”

Her lips gently press to his, hands cupping his face as he groans against her mouth. It’s quiet and slow and his hands are on her hips, rocking slightly back and forth before he flips them over effortlessly.

“You, Lara Jean Covey,” Peter begins, pressing kisses along her jaw and down her neck, nipping at her collarbones poking out from his t-shirt. “Are something else.”

Lara Jean tips her head back in pleasure and moans quietly, hands gripping his bare waist as he tugs at his t-shirt, slipping it off and making his way down her body.

Schoolwork can wait.

—

Peter insists that Lara Jean give him a tour of campus, which leads to Lara Jean pouting as she pulls on her own clothes, tossing her hair up into a bun.

“Going out means I have to put on my own things and that’s not fair,” She argues, turning back to Peter as he laughs.

“Come on, we could use some fresh air. I mean we can’t stay in here all the time and have sex.”

“Think we were doing a pretty good job of it,” Lara Jean argues back, pulling on Peter’s sweatshirt when he tosses it to her.

When her head pops out Peter is standing in front of her, reaching out to pull her closer. “It’s only for a little while,” He promises, his lips pressing to the top of her head. “And then we can come back here and you can have me all to yourself, promise.”

Lara Jean begrudgingly agrees, grabbing her keys and reaching for his hand, leading him through her dorm building and back out to the fresh air for a walk around campus.

—

On Peter’s final night staying at Lara Jean’s, they opt to stay in and enjoy each other’s company. Lara Jean teaches him how to make ramen noodles more fun, laughing when he pokes at her sides and his t-shirt falls off one of her shoulders, her head falling back against his chest.

It’s a quiet night, one that’s filled with the dim lighting of the fairy lights Lara Jean hung around her room, movies playing on her laptop in between them, and one or two quick kisses that turn into something more.

And then Lara Jean finds herself with her head on Peter’s chest, fingers tracing the divots of his abs and his even breathing, his fingers tapping along her back as his lips press to her hair.

“Do you ever think about the future?” Peter asks after a moment, chest vibrating against Lara Jean’s ear. “Like what we’ll be doing when we’re out of college?”

Lara Jean takes a breath. “Sometimes,” She admits. She shifts, but doesn’t pull her head off of him. “But most of the time I just get really worried. I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life.”

Peter laughs, cool fingers pressing against her skin. “I don’t think anyone knows what they want to be when they’re freshmen in college,” He mumbles.

“I mean, you know you want to be in business. Work in corporate, stuff like that,” Lara Jean presses. She leans back, resting her head in her hand as she leans on her elbow. “And you’re going to be so good at that. But me? I don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life.”

Peter, who had an easy smile on his face like maybe shew as just making conversation, suddenly turns serious. “Lara Jean,” He says softly, turning to fully look at her. “We’re 18. It’s okay to not know what you want to do with the rest of your life.”

Lara Jean just sighs. “It’s not even that,” She says quietly, head tilting to stare at the bed between them. “I can’t even think of something I’d be good at to do for the rest of my life.”

Peter doesn’t answer right away, instead thinking about it for a moment, his fingers press lightly into her hair, pushing it back away from her face as he sighs. “What about working in a bakery? Or owning your own?”

“You really think I could do something like that?” She asks, eyes gazing up to meet his. “I mean, owning my own bakery?”

Peter shrugs, rolling onto his side. “Why not?” He says easily, which Lara Jean doesn’t refute. “Sure, maybe you’ll have to work in another bakery for a while, but you could totally own your own one day. They have culinary here, right?”

Lara Jean nods, chewing on the corner of her lip.

“So take some classes or make it your major,” Peter says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Add in some business classes so you’ll know how to run your own bakery. And if you find that you hate that, then we move onto something else.”

Peter moves closer to Lara Jean, pulling her close and kissing the top of her head. “We’re only 18, Covey. We have plenty of time to figure it out.”

Somehow Lara Jean believes him.

—

Peter stays well into the afternoon that Sunday, trying to soak in the last few hours together for a while. It’s bittersweet, and even as Lara Jean watches Peter pack and he decides she can keep the sweatshirt he brought with him that weekend, it really doesn’t make her already miss him less.

He swings his bag over his shoulder just as Anna comes back from her weekend at her boyfriends, looking surprised that he’s still standing there. “Oh, Peter. I thought you would have already been on the road,” She smiles, throwing her own bag down onto her bed.

“Getting a little bit of a late start,” He smiles, glancing at Lara Jean. “I’ll see you next time I visit. Thanks for steering clear, Anna!”

He gives her a quick hug before he and Lara Jean set off for the visitors parking lot, taking the long way purely because Lara Jean really isn’t sure she’s going to be able to let him go. She squeezes his hand, sighing when his car comes into view and the moment she had been dreading arrives.

“Not long until we’re back together, right Covey?” He smiles easily, but Lara Jean knows him well enough to know that this is a front.

She nods all the same, leaning against his car like they’re back in high school as he takes a step forward, ducking down to kiss her. “I love you,” He mumbles against her mouth, kissing her again.

“Love you too,” She whispers, hands tracing the stubble on his face as she stands on her tip toes, begging to feel his lips against hers again. “Not long.”

“Not long, promise,” He agrees, fingers snaking under her shirt and brushing against her hip.

“FaceTime me when you’re home?”

“Of course,” He replies, taking a step back to toss his bag into the back seat. “You’ll be okay tonight?”

Lara Jean nods. “Gonna hang out with Anna and some friends,” She smiles, trying to sound upbeat.

Peter nods, hopping into the drivers seat as Lara Jean leans into the window, kissing him one final time fully knowing that it’s already excessive. “Be safe.”

“Always,” He smiles, backing out of the spot and pulling out of the parking lot, waving until she’s out of sight.

Peter doesn’t look at his phone while he’s driving home, waiting until he’s safely parked back at school before pulling it out of the cupholder. He eases past texts from his roommate and mom, sliding Lara Jean’s open first.

_I did a thing_ she’s captioned it, with a photo of her school portal, her major now changed to culinary with a minor in business.

He smiles wide, sending back a bunch of confetti emojis and smiley faces with the words _YES COVEY! Proud of you :)_ written beside it, grabbing his things and walking back to his dorm.

When he FaceTimes her she seems more at ease, and while it’ll be months until they’re back together to celebrate properly, Peter thinks this is more than enough for now.

Lara Jean is inclined to agree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for reading/commenting/leaving kudos! you're all the best and i'm so glad you're still loving this story!
> 
> going to do my best to finish the Kitty/Owen one-shot have it up this week, but no promises! also not sure what next week's one-shot for this will be, but it will most likely involve the kids again :)
> 
> see you guys next Sunday! :) <3 
> 
> title of the chapter is from Summertime Romance by Johnnyswim


	18. the dream I had is over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emmi meets Juliet.

Peter finds that he’s a superhero when Lara Jean has to stay late at the bakery to work on wedding orders.

He has the twins doing their homework, eating dinner, bathing and getting into bed all around their normal bedtime, and 16 year old Emmi follows suit, eating dinner with them and helping the twins before disappearing to her room to finish her own homework while Peter finally has a moment to relax and watch football on TV.

These nights are always quiet without Lara Jean here, and after Peter sends a ridiculous text with _please finish work soon_ followed by three sad emojis, Lara Jean replies with smiles and the kissing emoji that she’ll be home soon and she’ll even bring ice cream.

There’s footsteps on the staircase and then Emmi emerges in the living room standing in front of him, arms crossed over her chest as she rolls onto the side of her foot.

“Em? Everything okay?” Peter asks, sitting up when Emmi stands in front of him not saying anything. “Did something happen?”

Emmi shakes her head, takes a breath, and then looks at him. “Do you have any idea where my mom is? Or how to get in contact with her?”

And for all the things Peter thought he was going to hear from his daughter, he has to say that this absolutely was not one of them. He pauses for a moment, letting the question run through his brain, and then sits up to look at his daughter.

“I don’t know where she is, no,” He admits, folding his hands together. “But I could probably find a way to find her and contact her.” He waits for Emmi to nod, and then looks back at her. “Is there a reason why you want to meet her all of a sudden?”

“Well, I have been thinking about it,” Emmi admits quietly. She falls onto the sofa, leaning her head against Peter’s shoulder. “But mostly I think I just need closure. So I can stop thinking about why she left me and focus on the fact that I still have you and I have Mom, and that’s enough.”

It sounds too mature coming from Emmi, who’s all but avoided the heavy conversations about her mom for the most part throughout her childhood. Peter doesn’t totally buy that she just needs closure, but not wanting to press further he nods, leaning his cheek against the top of her head.

“I’ll try to find a way to contact her tomorrow,” He promises, hand resting on her knee. “But Em, I need you to be prepared to know that there’s a very good chance she could say she doesn’t want to meet you.”

“I know,” Emmi says quickly. “But I want to at least try.”

“Okay,” Peter agrees, and just as quickly as Emmi came down to share a moment with her father, she announces that she’s going to shower and disappears upstairs, leaving Peter alone again.

—

Lara Jean walks into the living room with two pints of ice cream and spoons, leaning down to kiss Peter before falling onto the opposite sofa. She studies her husband for a moment, noticing the way he’s not as talkative and how he’s taking a while opening his ice cream, furrowing her eyebrows.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Do you feel okay?” She asks, breaking Peter from his trance as he looks over at her.

“Em wants to meet Juliet.”

Lara Jean seems stunned for a moment, and then she nods. “I think that’s probably pretty normal,” She says softly, opening her ice cream and taking a bite. “She’s curious about her mom. She’s 16, Peter, that’s fair.”

Peter nods, taking a bite of his ice cream. The spoon lingers in his mouth for a moment, and then he looks back to his wife. “I guess so,” He shrugs. He takes a breath, digging through his ice cream for a chunk of cookie dough. “But I guess I just thought maybe she would never ask to meet her. Like maybe me talking about her would be enough.”

Lara Jean nods. “I get that,” She says softly, smiling. “But at the same time, if your dad had left before you really knew who he was, you’d be curious too.”

Peter thinks about arguing, debating that since his dad left he doesn’t feel like he’s that worse off because of it, but stops himself short when he realizes that it’s not the same. That he had 14 years of memories with his dad, not two years. And yes, it may have stung that he chose to leave when Peter and Owen were older, but Emmi has no memories of her mom ever being in her life.

“Babe, for what it’s worth, I think it could be good for the two of you. Try to find her, let Emmi talk to her and form her own opinions, and no matter what she’ll know that she always has me, but especially you, waiting for her when she gets back.”

Peter nods, sucking on the bite of cookie dough in his mouth until it disintegrates, and does his best to come to terms with the fact that this is first thing he won’t be able to protect his baby girl from.

—

Much to his surprise, Juliet agrees to meet at a diner halfway between where she’s living and where they live so she and Emmi can talk. They set a time and date, and when Emmi comes down the stairs just before they’re set to leave with her hair done and what Peter knows is her favorite dress on, and his heart aches at the thought of Juliet hypothetically standing her up.

“Ready?” She asks, smiling as Lara Jean walks in from the kitchen, a smile on her face.

“You look beautiful, sweetheart,” She smiles, fixing a few of Emmi’s curls so they fall neatly. “Everything will be great.”

Emmi nods, hugging her quickly before Peter says goodbye, the two of them walking out to the car.

Peter waits until they’re out of the city, where the traffic is lighter and the stoplights fall few and far between before speaking up, glancing over at his daughter, who’s preoccupied on her phone.

“Hey Ems?” Peter says, breaking the silence. “I just want you to know that no matter what happens today, everything is going to be fine.”

“I know,” Emmi nods, taking a breath. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“I’m sure it will be too,” Peter agrees quickly. “But if it’s not, you know that Mom and I are here and we’re not going to let you bottle up how you’re feeling because you don’t want to bother us.”

Emmi nods, taking a breath. “So if I like her and somehow we can have a relationship together you wouldn’t be mad?”

Peter smiles at her optimism, shaking his head. “I would love that for you, you know. If you can find a way to have a relationship with her I’m going to support you.”

Emmi takes a breath, leaning her head against the window as she sighs. “Thanks, Dad.”

“Always, kiddo.”

They drive the rest of the way in silence, Emmi changing the music every once in a while. Peter doesn’t refute it, refrains from talking about how proud he is of her and how he knows that she’s more than ready to handle this, and when he pulls into the parking lot of the diner he reaches over, taking her hand instead.

“Do you want me to come in or stay out here and wait?”

Emmi’s eyes flick from the diner in front of them and back to the parking lot, folding her fingers together. “You can stay out here,” She decides after a moment. “It seems pretty small, and I just want to have some time with her without feeling like you’re right there.”

Peter nods. Carefully, he leans over and presses his hands to either side of Emmi’s face, his lips brushing against her temple. “I’m so proud of you, kid. You are the best thing to ever happen to me.”

“I love you, Dad,” Emmi mumbles, her arms wrapping around his back. And for a moment Peter lets himself go to those moments when it was just he and Emmi and she would curl up against his chest, hugging him and promising him that he would always be her best friend.

Peter doesn’t know that he believes that now, but he kisses the top of her head again and takes a breath, pulling away. “You better get in there. I’ll be right here waiting for you,” He promises, and so Emmi nods, fixing her hair in the mirror before sliding out, waving quickly before walking over to the diner.

Peter preoccupies himself with catching up on work emails and watching videos until his brain is turning to mush and his anxiety is through the roof about his little girl who’s in there with her birth mother, just hoping more than anything that this is turning out the way Emmi has wanted.

—

The hostess at the diner smiles at Emmi as she walks in, watching her as she looks around. “I was supposed to meet someone here. Her name is Juliet?”

The hostess glances down at her sheet, shaking her head. “No one with that name has come in yet, but I can seat you now.”

Mindlessly Emmi nods, following her down the narrow row and past a few people eating alone, sliding into a booth. She thanks her for the menu despite feeling like she’s going to throw up and having no intentions of actually ordering anything, instead asking for a ginger ale.

The door rings as it opens and in steps a woman who Emmi is so positive is Juliet that she doesn’t even second guess it. She watches as she talks to the hostess, who points in Emmi’s direction. Emmi desperately tries to read her face, but she’s calm and shows no emotion as she walks down the narrow row, sliding into the seat across from Emmi.

“God, you really do look just like your dad,” Juliet mumbles, taking in Emmi’s features for a moment. Emmi stares at her, trying to find _something_ that makes her look like her mom.

She can’t find anything.

“Thank you for coming to meet with me,” Emmi finally says, clearing her throat. “I know you didn’t have to do this.”

“I didn’t think you’d want to see me,” Juliet says with ease. Her eyes flick from the menu in front of her back to Emmi. “You’re 16 now?”

Emmi nods, swallowing. “I turned 16 two months ago.”

“That’s right,” Juliet nods, as if she remembers spending every birthday with her and had just missed this one. “How is your dad? And his wife?”

“They’re both good,” Emmi says quietly. She refrains from saying that Lara Jean’s adopted her, tapping her fingers on the linoleum table. “I have a brother and a sister as well now.”

Juliet raises her eyebrows, setting the menu down. “Really? How old are they?”

“They’re 9. Twins.”

Juliet nods. “Your dad always did say he wanted a lot of kids.”

The waitress saves the awkward conversation, taking both of their orders before slipping away from the table. Emmi watches Juliet reach for her water, noticing the rings on her hand.

“So, you’re married?”

Juliet, who seems caught off-guard by the question, glances at the rings on her hand before she nods. “I got married about eight years ago now.”

Emmi nods, making eye contact with Juliet once more. “Do you have kids?”

Judging by the flicker of worry that passes across Juliet’s face, Emmi is pretty positive that Juliet hoped this was a question she wouldn’t be asked. But she doesn’t shy away from it or try to change the subject, instead pausing for a moment before nodding.

“Two kids,” She says quietly. “They’re 7 and 5.”

Emmi chews on the corner of her lip, nodding. She hates that she feels like if she opens her mouth she’ll cry, hates that she’s letting a simple fact about her birth mom get to her.

The waitress brings out their sandwiches and leaves the table with a few words. Emmi takes a bite of hers, stares at the fries on her plate until they blur, and then reaches for her ginger ale.

“Emmi, I want you to understand that when you were born I wasn’t ready to be a mom,” Juliet says, breaking the otherwise awkward silence. “We were 22, I felt like I was just getting my career started.”

Emmi chews methodically, swallowing slowly. “My dad was 22 too though, wasn’t he? So wouldn’t he have been starting a career?”

Juliet freezes, nodding. “He was,” She says quietly. “But he was much more ready for parenthood than I was.”

“I don’t think he was,” Emmi shrugs. “I think he was just like you, but he knew that he needed to step up and be a parent because that’s what was the right thing to do.”

Anger runs through her veins, shaking her leg underneath the table. Juliet stays composed, taking another bite of her sandwich.

“Your dad was always mature, Emmi. Always. And when we found out I was pregnant, he had the emotional capacity to feel like he could raise a kid. I don’t think I was there.”

Emmi nods, dragging her French fry through the ketchup.

“Emmi, the best thing I could’ve done was leave when I did. So that you could have a dad who was so invested in you, and you didn’t have to know that your mom was a failure of a mother.”

“Why didn’t you try to contact me and see how I was doing when I was older? When I could understand and we could have a conversation?”

Juliet pauses. “I didn’t think your dad would want that.”

“He’d want me to understand.”

Juliets’ fork hits the plate a little too loud as she takes a breath. “Because I knew that I’d fail at that, too. That somehow I would mess that up for you just like I messed up being a mom to you for two whole years.”

“I don’t think you were a failure,” Emmi sighs. “Or that you would’ve been a failure had you stuck around.”

“You don’t know that,” Juliet says. Almost defensive, like she hates that Emmi is pushing back. “Emmi, I was not equipped to be your mother. And I’m sorry that I left and I probably could’ve done things better, especially over the last few years, but I did what I thought was right in that moment.”

Emmi takes a breath, reaching for her ginger ale to take another sip. “I wanted to meet you because I thought maybe I would be able to understand better why you left and why you thought it was the right thing to do. I thought maybe we’d be in different places now and maybe we could get to know each other more.”

Juliet sighs, setting her sandwich down. “I would love to eventually have a relationship with you, Emmi. But you have to understand where I’m coming from and why I did what I did.”

Emmi shakes her head. She takes a breath, forcing herself to calm down. “But I don’t understand why you did it,” She says, desperately trying to keep her cool. “You say that you weren’t ready to be a mom and you were so young and your career was just starting. But my dad was the same way you were, and he’s stepped up and he figured it out and he raised me the best that he could with what he had.”

The waitress, sensing the tension at the table, quietly leaves the check before disappearing.

“I hope that you’re happy now with your new husband. And I assume that you are the best mom that you can be to your two kids now, right?”

Juliet nods feebly.

Emmi nods, taking a breath. “I want you to be the mom to them that you couldn’t be to me. And I want you to know that I have the best dad and his wife, who legally adopted me, treats me as if she had me herself. I’m happy, so you don’t have to worry about if it ended up being the wrong thing.”

Pulling out her wallet, Emmi pulls out a few bills and sets them on top of the check. “If you ever want to talk again, you know how to get in touch with my dad. Thanks for taking the time to meet with me, I really do appreciate it. I know you didn’t have to do this.”

Juliet nods, calling Emmi’s name when she stands up for the table. “I’m glad you’re really happy, Emmi. And I’m glad that you have that family that you deserve. I’m just sorry that that couldn’t be me as your mom.”

Emmi nods, thanking her quietly before turning back, walking out of the diner and back out to where Peter is sitting in the car waiting.

“Hey, love bug. Did everything go okay?”

“Can we please just go home?” Emmi asks quietly, sliding into the passenger seat and buckling her seatbelt, sinking down and crossing her arms over her chest.

Peter, who’s unable to mask his concern, nods. He refrains from asking questions, instead turning the car on and pulling out of the spot, catching a glimpse of Juliet leaving the dine with her bag swinging over her shoulder.

The music plays in the background quietly as Peter turns back onto the highway, trying desperately to ignore his daughter in the passenger seat who obviously doesn’t want it to be known that she’s crying.

And then she sniffles and takes a shaky breath, and Peter can’t help himself. “Emmi, will you please talk to me?”

Emmi wipes under her eyes with the pads of her fingers. “She has two kids now,” She says quietly. “And she left me because she didn’t think she was mature enough to be a mom. And that she never came back around when I was older because she thought you wouldn’t want that for me.”

Peter chews on his lip, sighing. He had never hid anything from Emmi, always told her that her mom wasn’t ready and she did what she thought was right, but he knows firsthand how much it must hurt to hear it right from Juliet’s lips, and then to hear why she hadn’t come back around somehow made it all worse.

“I’m so sorry, Ems. I wish there was something that I could do to make it better.”

Emmi shakes her head, laughing. “You’ve always made everything better, Dad,” She smiles, glancing over at him. “You’ve always held me, or laid in my bed with me until I fell asleep, or worked forever just so I would be able to do those stupid dance classes.”

“You did like dance at one point,” Peter smiles.

Emmi manages a half a smile, shaking her head. “You’ve done everything, Dad. And yeah, this sucks and maybe I wish she was willing to work with me to understand exactly why everything happened, but you’ve always been right there. I couldn’t really ask for anything more.”

Peter debates pulling off the highway and stopping just so he can hug his little girl, but he stops and looks at her, smiling. “Like it or not, kiddo, you’re stuck with me for your whole life. And if I could take all of the drama away with your mom I would in a heartbeat.”

“I know,” Emmi nods. It’s the one thing she’s always been so sure of. “Thank you for always being the best dad. For sacrificing everything when you were young just to take care of me.”

“It was a no-brainer,” He smiles. “I mean with a kid like you? Easiest thing I’ve ever done in my life, no exaggeration.”

“Shut up,” Emmi rolls her eyes. “I know you missed some pretty good parties.”

“Maybe,” Peter shrugs, smiling. “But I did get some pretty amazing showings of _Paw Patrol_ at three in the morning when you thought that was the best time to wake up, so I’d say that’s pretty similar. My friends, and especially Uncle Gabe, would’ve absolutely watched _Paw Patrol_ while drunk. In fact, I think he did watch it with you one night after he’d had a few beers.”

Just as quickly as the tears started, the car is filled with laughter again. And maybe Emmi isn’t okay in this moment, maybe she’s hurting a lot more than she’s giving off and maybe she’ll still need Peter for a while, but things feel a little better. Lighter. More hopeful.

They arrive back home and Emmi walks in ahead of Peter, hugging Lara Jean when she goes to the kitchen. “Thanks for being the best ever, Mom,” She smiles, pulling away and turning to go back upstairs.

“Everything go okay?” Lara Jean asks when Emmi disappears upstairs, turning back to look at her husband.

“Not really,” Peter sighs, setting his keys down and running his hands through his hair. “Juliet has a family now. Two kids.”

Lara Jean sighs, studying her husband for a moment. “Is that what shocked Emmi?”

Peter shrugs. “All she said was that she has two kids now, but she didn’t feel mature enough to be a mom to Emmi at the time. And that she never came back around because she didn’t think I would want it. Em hasn’t said much else.”

“She’ll come around,” Lara Jean encourages, although it feels weak and obligatory given the moment.

Peter nods anyway, sighing. “I just feel awful for her.”

Lara Jean frowns, walking over to hug her husband. “She’ll be okay.”  
  
“I know,” Peter nods, pressing his face against Lara Jean’s hair. “We all will be.”

Peter holds his wife for a moment, stabilizing himself and thinking about the days events. While he knows nothing he says will fix things or make Emmi feel any better, what he does know is that all he can do is the same thing he’s been doing since that morning Emmi was born — be there for her for whatever she needs without question.

Somehow they’d be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for reading/commenting/leaving kudos :) you're all seriously the BEST.
> 
> i *think* next week will be more emmi centric before flipping back to the twins a little more, but i've always changed my mind when i say these things so who really knows what'll end up being posted next week! :)
> 
> working on the kitty/owen fic! i was hoping to have more time, but work has been a little crazy and so it's taking me longer. if not this week, then seriously aiming for next week! :)
> 
> also working on a separate fic outside of this universe, so hopefully that can be posted sometime relatively soon, too :)
> 
> thank you guyssss for being the best! see you next week :)
> 
> title of the chapter is from Over by Johnnyswim :)


	19. I won't sleep till you're safe inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emmi makes some poor decisions as a teenager.

In hindsight, Peter thinks maybe he could’ve checked in with Emmi more than he had in the aftermath of meeting Juliet.

She seemed fine, he thought. Talked about her meeting a few times, said that maybe she’d be open to talking to her again if Juliet contacted him, but doesn’t really say much more than that. Peter, who thought that maybe she was just still processing things, let her be.

“You should at least check in with her,” Lara Jean mentions one night after dinner, Peter helping her with the dishes.

“I will,” Peter nods. “But I think I’m going to get the same answers as always.”

Lara Jean shoots Peter a look, a smile tugging at her lips. “Go talk to her now, please? I can handle the dishes.”

Peter nods, setting the dishes down on the counter and kissing the side of her head before making his way upstairs.

He knocks twice on Emmi’s partially open door before stepping in, Emmi looking back at him. “I was just coming downstairs. Can I go out with Lila tonight?”

Peter’s silent for a moment, sitting down in the chair in Emmi’s room. “Where are you two going?”

“Braden’s party,” Emmi says coolly, turning back to her mirror to do her hair. “It’s just a few people and his parents are there. I’m not going to some like raging party or anything.”

Peter smiles. “Well, that makes me feel a lot better about letting my 16 year old go out tonight then.”

“So I can go then?”

“If you’re back by 12:30, then sure. Do you need a ride?”

Emmi shakes her head, turning back to look at him. “Lila’s going to drive.”

Peter nods, swallows his fears about his daughter being old enough to drive, and then leans forward. “Hey, are you okay? With everything about your mom?”

Emmi furrows her eyebrows, looking up from her phone. “What do you mean?” 

“I don’t know,” Peter shrugs. “I know you were pretty upset about everything that happened. And we haven’t really talked much about it other than what happened itself.”

For a moment, Peter thinks Emmi is going to answer him with more than a few words. She pauses, staring at her phone for a moment before shrugging. “I don’t really know what else to say,” She says quietly, looking back at him. “I mean it’s sad that she won’t give me anything more, but I have you and I have Mom and the twins, and I’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” Peter sighs, standing up from the chair. “But you know that if you ever need to talk about it I’m here, right? Or Mom, if you’d rather.”

“I know,” Emmi says patiently, shoving her phone in her pocket. “Lila’s here, can I go?”

“Sure,” He nods, hugging her on her way by. “Be safe, please.”

“We will,” Emmi nods, running down the stairs with Peter behind her, saying goodbye before slipping out the front door.

—

“I thought she was only having one beer but I was with some other friends and came back and she was drunk out of her mind,” Lila panics when Peter meets them at the front of the house, walking around the car. 

“It’s okay, Lila,” Peter reassures her. “You’re not Emmi’s babysitter, you know.”

Lila nods, opening the passenger door. “I don’t know how many she’s had, but I do know that she hasn’t thrown up yet and she mostly understands that we’re home.”

Peter sighs, watching his daughter slide out of the passenger seat and walk over to him. She stumbles, and instinctively he reaches out his arms, catching her just in time. “Alright, Em. We’re going to bed,” He says, shifting his attention back to Lila. “You haven’t had anything to drink?”

Lila shakes her head, chewing on the corner of her lip nervously. 

“And you feel fine to drive home?”

“I’ll be fine,” She nods quickly.

Peter takes a breath. “Text me when you’re there? So I know you’re safe?” Immediately Lila nods. “Lila, I don’t blame you for this, okay? Everything is fine.”

“I know,” She sighs. “Thanks, Mr. Kavinsky.”

Peter doesn’t wait for her to pull away, instead focusing on getting Emmi inside and up to bed as quietly as possible, which proves to be a challenge.

The challenge only becomes more difficult when Emmi’s eyes spring open, and somehow she runs to the bathroom just in time to throw up the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

Peter, who remembers the first time he got drunk at a party, sighs and follows his daughter, hiding his smile when she looks up at him with the most pitiful look on her face. “I hate alcohol.”

“Don’t we all,” Peter laughs, sinking down onto the floor next to his daughter. “How much did you have to drink?”

“A lot,” Emmi sighs, leaning back and pressing her head to his shoulder. “The room is spinning.”

“Do you still feel like you’re going to throw up?”

Emmi shrugs, shaking her head. “Not right now.”

“Feel good enough to go to bed?”

“Not yet,” She says decidedly, and Peter laughs and leans forward to flush the toilet, Lara Jean walking in with a bottle of water and a blanket.

“I take it you two will be camping out in here tonight?” She asks, leaning against the bathroom sink. 

Emmi groans, nodding and shielding her eyes. “Too scared to move.”

“I’m going to get some sleep, but text me if you need something,” Lara Jean smiles, leaning down to kiss the top of Emmi’s head. “Feel better, baby.”

Lara Jean leaves as quietly as she came, and as Peter shifts in a lame attempt to get comfortable, Emmi moves her head from his shoulder down to his lap, where he carefully runs his fingers through her hair. 

It’s silent for a while, the only sounds coming when Peter soothes Emmi as she throws up again, and then promptly forces her to drink more water and promising that he wouldn’t leave until she felt well enough to go to bed.

The room falls silent again, and beneath his hand Emmi shifts and sighs, taking a breath.

“Were you and Juliet drunk when you got pregnant with me?”

Peter’s fingers, which had been continuously pushing through Emmi’s hair, still. “We weren’t sober,” He says carefully, and then shakes his head. “But you were not a drunken pregnancy. We were both well aware of what we were doing. And we weren’t underage.”

Emmi, who seems to be sobering up, nods against his leg. She swallows heavily, shifting again slightly.

She doesn’t say anything immediately, and then a realization dawns on him. “Ems, did you have sex?”

“What?” Emmi asks quickly, sitting up and moaning as she grabs her head, leaning forward. “Dad. No.”

“I wouldn’t be mad if you did.”

“Shut up.”

“As long as you’re being safe, you know? You’re 16, which is too young too drink let alone be a parent, but I know there’s really nothing I can do to stop you from having sex, but —“

“Dad, please!” Emmi groans, but before she can go further she’s leaning forward, throwing up again. “I didn’t have sex. I’ve never had sex.”

Peter nods awkwardly, rubbing her back. “Okay, great. Well, just be safe when you do. And let me know if you have questions. I know we had the talk, but sometimes questions come up after,” He says in awkwardly, one hand holding her hair while the other continues to rub circles on her back.

“I will,” She mumbles, using the towel on the ground to wipe her mouth, collapsing back against her father’s shoulder. 

Peter lets a moment pass, and then smiles. “Just so you know, I’m using this as your lesson on drinking,” He smiles, his fingers running along her arm slowly. “Do you think you’ve learned your lesson about alcohol?”

“I’ve learned I’m never drinking it again,” She replies coolly, nestling her head further into him. “Am I ever going to stop throwing up?”

“Eventually,” Peter nods. “And then you’re going to have a wicked headache tomorrow.”

Emmi groans, fingers running through her hair.

“I could be the worst dad and wake you up at a normal hour to teach you your lesson.”

“But you’re a cool dad,” Emmi replies immediately, wincing as she lifts her head. 

“I am,” Peter nods, brushing a piece of hair out of her face, leaning forward to kiss her forehead.

There’s a knock at the door before it opens slightly, Lara Jean returning again with a bottle of water to hand to Peter.

“Doing okay, babe?”

“I don’t ever want to see alcohol again,” She mumbles, thanking her for the water as her shaky hand reaches out to take a sip.

“Let me know what else you need, okay? Try to get some sleep.”

Peter thanks her, leaning up to kiss her quickly before she silently closes the door. Emmi’s head falls back into his lap, and for a moment the room stills again.

“Hey kiddo?” He says, waiting until she hums before continuing. “Why did you call Juliet by her name? You’ve always called her your mom or your birth mom.”

Emmi sighs. Her head shifts against his thigh, and carefully he moves his fingers back through her hair, pausing to massage her scalp.

“I don’t know,” She finally replies. It’s quiet, nervous almost, and Peter almost tells her she doesn’t have to continue. “I guess because I’ve always considered Lara Jean my mom.”

Peter nods, almost urging Emmi to go on or maybe ask her if she got this drunk because of their meeting, but stops himself when Emmi yawns, moving to sit up. “I think I’m okay to go to bed,” She says, and while it’s been the most sure she’s sounded all night, Peter is still skeptical.

He lets her get changed, helping her to bed and tucking her in like he did for so many nights when she was younger. Leaving a trash can by the bed, Peter brushes his hand across Emmi’s forehead, gently leaving a kiss. “Call me if you need me, okay?”

Emmi nods, burying herself further under the blankets. “Thank Dad, I love you.”

“Love you too, kiddo,” He smiles, watching her for a moment before slipping out of her bedroom and down the hall. 

“Is she okay?” Lara Jean mumbles when she feels Peter dip down beside her, rolling over to look at him.

Peter nods, sighing. “She’s fine now,” He says quietly, and then turns to look at his wife. “But I think she might have gotten this drunk because of her meeting with Juliet.”

In the harsh moonlight, Peter can just barely make out a frown on his wife’s face. “You can talk to her about it in the morning. Right now we all need some sleep,” She urges, leaning over to kiss him.

And so Peter obliges, pulling off his shirt and sinking down in the bed beside her.

—

When the clock ticks towards 11 and Emmi has made no attempts of getting out of bed, Peter walks to the cabinet and pulls out two Advil, pouring a glass of water.

“Be gentle with her, yes?” Lara Jean asks, glancing at her husband as she makes lunches, the twins playing quietly in her rooms. “I’m sure she’s feeling awful as it is, she doesn’t need your lecture.”

“I will be,” Peter promises, kissing the top of Lara Jean’s head before making his way upstairs, gently pushing Emmi’s door open before shutting it again.

Emmi is halfway between awake and asleep when she rolls over, parting her eyes and moaning.

“That bad, huh?” Peter smiles, sitting down on the edge of the bed and handing her the Advil and water. 

“My head is throbbing,” She moans, swallowing before falling back onto her pillows, only moving when Peter lays next to her so she can press against him. “I’m never drinking again.”

“Glad to hear it,” Peter smiles, rubbing her arm. “But what made you drink in the first place?”

Emmi is so quiet that for a minute Peter thinks that she’s fallen a sleep, and then she takes a breath and shifts, beginning to speak. “I was upset about meeting Juliet,” She admits quietly, sighing. “I thought it would go differently, and then it didn’t and I’m an idiot.”

“Emmi,” Peter sighs, fingers freezing on her shoulder. “Why didn’t you just tell me that you were upset with how meeting Juliet went?”

“Because I didn’t want you to worry!” Emmi cries out, moaning and burying her head against his chest. “You’re always worried about how I’m doing and if I’m okay and you have the twins and Mom, Dad. I don’t need you to keep worrying about me. You shouldn’t worry about me.”

“I’m always going to worry about you, Ems,” Peter says softly, kissing the top of her head. “And I don’t want you to think that you can’t tell me something just because you’re no longer the only thing in my life.”

Emmi nods. “But you shouldn’t always have to worry about me because of Juliet. I shouldn’t be this upset over it, I should’ve known that she wouldn’t be any different than how she was.”

“You know you can always tell me when you’re upset, right? Especially if it’s about Juliet,” He reassures her, sighing. “Em, I want you to be honest with me because I know exactly what you’re going through.”

Emmi nods, pressing further into his side. “But you’ve done everything to make sure that I didn’t have life the way you did. And Mom has been the best and I know she gets it too.”

“Which is why we worry,” Peter smiles. “Ems, I was hurt and betrayed by my dad when I was much older than you. I know how you feel about wishing that things were better, babe. And I wish I could make them better for you so you didn’t have to feel so betrayed by her.”

“You don’t talk about your dad much,” Emmi replies quietly, and for a moment Peter doesn’t know what to say.

“You’re right, I don’t,” Peter nods. “So what do you want to know?”

“Why did he leave?”

Peter doesn’t say anything at first, and then sighs. “I don’t know, Em,” He says truthfully. “He and Grandma weren’t getting along, and instead of just getting divorced he decided to move on and leave. He never explained why.”

Emmi nods. “So like my mom.”

“Exactly,” Peter nods, chin resting on her head. 

“Were you as angry at him as I am at Juliet?”

“Pissed,” Peter laughs. “I felt so angry that he just moved on and started his own family with another woman. I didn’t understand how he could just leave. And I pushed people away and I refused to talk to Grandma about how I was feeling. I hid how I felt by putting more work into lacrosse and hiding in my room.”

Emmi nods, not saying anything.

“That is why I know exactly how you feel, kid. And I know it sucks and it hurts and you can be so angry at Juliet for how she’s treated you since before you can even remember, but getting blackout drunk and having your best friend have to drag you home isn’t the best way to handle it. I think we can both at least agree with that.”

Emmi nods. “I know. I’m sorry for last night.”

“I want to trust you, Em. I want you to be able to have fun with your friends and go to parties like Mom and I did, but if you’re not going to handle how Juliet has treated you your whole life better, I can’t let you have the freedom you’ve had before.”

Emmi nods, chewing on the corner of her lip as she nods. “I’m going to be better, I promise. I won’t be dumb and I won’t drink just because I’m pissed that Juliet sucks. And I’ll talk to you when feel like this.”

“Good,” Peter smiles. “But you’re still grounded. Two weeks. No parties, no hanging out with friends.”

“I thought you said feeling like this would be enough,” Emmi whines, rolling back onto her pillow. 

Beside her, Peter laughs. “I said you’d learn your lesson about drinking. I didn’t say it’d get you out of being grounded.”

Emmi groans, nodding and pulling her hair up into a loose bun on top of her head. “Fine, whatever.”

Peter stands up, turning back to look at his daughter. “So, you’ll talk to me now when you need to? Or Mom? Because she gets it too, Em. And maybe it’s a little different, but she grew up without a mom. And she’d be more than willing to help you.”

“Promise,” Emmi nods. Peter watches as she pulls the blankets further up around her, burrowing into her bed further. “I’m going to try to sleep this off.”

“I’ll bring you toast soon,” He promises, leaning down to kiss her forehead once more before slipping out of her room.

There’s a moment where Peter realizes he knows more than he gives himself credit for. And while maybe his daughter didn’t make the best decisions he has a view into understanding it. To feeling alone and angry and confused and so many other emotions that it hurts him to even put it into words. And while maybe it won’t always be easy parenting that kind of thing when Emmi turns to the wrong decisions, but he promises himself he’s going to be better for both of them.

The last thing he wants is his daughter to feel this way again, and as he walks downstairs and back to his wife and the twins who are eating their lunch and laughing, he reminds himself that he is going to be better than his dad ever was.

And maybe that’s enough to keep him going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for every read/comment/kudos you've left on these stories :) you're all amazing and i love you guys and i really don't deserve it but THANK YOU for loving this universe as much as i do <3 
> 
> not sure what next week's one-shot will be yet, but we may focus more on peter/lara jean after a few kid chapters :)
> 
> see you next week! :) thank you guysss <3 <3 <3
> 
> title of the chapter is from Safe Inside by James Arthur


	20. then you come and change it all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the twins ask Emmi how their mom and dad met, and Emmi has questions of her own

13 year old Emmi quickly learns that having 6 year old siblings means no boundaries, constant annoyance, and two other people to quickly turn her hanging out with friends into the worst moment of her life when they’re at her house.

But then there’s moments where the twins are sweet, and she finds herself loving hanging out with them and watching movies or playing board games, and reminds herself that all she ever wanted was siblings, and now she has two of them.

So when they knock on her bedroom door while she’s reading a book with innocent looks on their faces, Emmi can’t help but be amused and intrigued as to what they want her for. “Are you two here to annoy me? Or did you really want something.”

The twins share a glance, but it’s Olivia who steps forward, glancing back at Carter before turning back to her sister. “We want to know how Mom and Dad met,” She says with authority, crossing her arms behind her back. “Do you know how they met, Emmi?”

Emmi marks her place in her book, setting it on her bed beside her as the twins climb onto the edge of her bed, squashing together. “Why do you guys want to know how they got together?”

“Because kids in school were saying how their parents met,” Carter explains, leaning forward. “And you were there when Mom and Dad met, right Emmi?”

Emmi nods, crossing her legs in front of her. The twins stare back at her intently, waiting for her to talk, and Emmi takes a moment to compose herself. “They met at Mom’s bakery,” She says at first, which makes both Olivia and Carter’s eyes widen as they look back at her. “Back when it was only me and Dad, he’d have to leave me with Uncle Gabe sometimes while he worked late.”

Emmi’s asked for this story a million times, despite living through most of it, because she loves it. She loves how easy it sounds and now that she’s older she finds herself hoping that she can meet someone the way her parents met, almost as if it’s straight out of a book.

“Did you go with him the first time?”

Emmi shakes her head, smiling. “He felt bad that he had to work late so many nights, and so he stopped to get me a treat. Mom had just opened the bakery, so Dad thought he’d stop since it was on his way home. And then Aunt Chris saw him.”

“He knew Aunt Chris too?” Olivia asks.

“Yeah, they all went to school together,” Emmi shrugs, looking back at her little sister. “But I don’t think Mom thought they’d ever see each other again.”

“Why not?” Olivia presses, moving from her spot at the edge of the bed to lay next to her sister. Carter hesitates, and then lays on the other side of Emmi, sinking back into her pillows.

“I don’t know, Livvy,” Emmi sighs. She stretches her feet out in front of her, looking between both of her siblings. “I don’t know why they broke up the first time.”

“I don’t think Daddy would want us to ask,” Carter says, looking between both of his sisters. 

“Probably not,” Emmi agrees. 

“Was Mommy the nicest ever before she and Daddy were married?”

Emmi smiles. “She was the best,” She laughs. “We used to go to the bakery a lot when they were dating, and she always let me try new recipes or have treats even when Dad said no.”

“She still does that now, Emmi,” Olivia smirks, her head falling against her sister’s shoulder. “Did you like Mommy right from the beginning?”

“Always,” Emmi nods, leaning back and smiling. She can almost remember those moments as if they happened yesterday, the hours spent with Lara Jean and falling so in love that she wished this would become her new reality. And then it did, and Emmi can remember Peter being so happy and her finally feeling like they had a family, and that alone was more than enough.

“She was the best. And she made Daddy so happy, just like he is now. And I loved hanging out with her. She would play games with me and let me stay up late, and sometimes she would take me out on special days when Dad needed a break.”

“Like how they take us on special days?”

“Exactly like that,” Emmi nods. She sinks further down into the bed, secretly loving that the twins curled up next to her. It’s silent for a moment, and then Emmi can feel Olivia shift, twisting so she can look up at her older sister.

“Do you ever wish that Mommy was your real mom?”

It’s a question that catches Emmi off guard at first. They don’t really talk about Emmi not being biologically Lara Jean, but it’s something that the twins knew from asking a million questions and Peter wanting to be honest with all of his kids about what’s happened in their lives as long as it was appropriate.

Emmi sighs, shrugging under the weight of both of her siblings. “I don’t really think about it, Livvy,” She admits, which isn’t a lie. “I’ve always seen Mom as my mom, regardless of if she had me or not. I don’t need to be related to her to feel just as loved by her as you guys are.”

Olivia thinks it over for a moment, nodding before wrapping her arms around Emmi, squeezing. “I’m really glad you’re our sister, Emmi.”

Carter follows suit, wrapping tightly around Emmi’s other side. “Me too,” He chimes in, Emmi laughing as she hugs them both.

“I’m really glad, too,” She admits. And while maybe she could’ve done with more alone time and more privacy from her siblings, she thinks it’s little moments like these that she’s always wanted, and she never wants to let them go.

—

It’s not unusual for Emmi to stop by the bakery after school.

Lara Jean welcomes it, always letting her help or just sit there and talk about her day while she fills out orders. It’s reminiscent of when Emmi was younger, where she would come to work with Lara Jean when Peter needed a break or it was a free weekend, when Lara Jean would take the time to get to know Emmi, soak in her humor and quirks and fall in love with the little girl she would soon see as her daughter.

But today Emmi walks in and says a quick hello to Chris and the workers at the front of the store, snaking her way through to the back and Lara Jean knows she isn’t stopping by just because she doesn’t want to go home. 

“How was your day?” She asks anyway, glancing up from where she’s working the dough out for pastries. 

Emmi drops her bag, sliding into a chair at the workstation. “It was fine,” She shrugs, leaning her head in her hands. 

“It was?” She asks, watching Emmi nod. “Why do you look like you have something on your mind?”

“How did you and Dad meet?” Emmi asks abruptly, and for a moment Lara Jean stops working the dough, eyebrows raising in amusement.

“You were there, Ems.”

“No, the first time,” Emmi sighs. “I know you guys went to school together, but how did you start dating?”

Lara Jean is silent for a moment, beginning to cut out the pastry dough into sections. “We were friendly in school. I wasn’t necessarily friends with him, but we had hung out a few times,” She begins, walking towards the fridge to grab the filling.

Lara Jean hesitates, realizing that Emmi is old enough to know everything that went into them dating. “So, when I really liked someone, I used to write these letters. I never intended on sending them, but your Aunt Kitty did, and so the letter I wrote to your dad all the way back in seventh grade got into his hands.”

“And then he asked you out?” Emmi asks, making Lara Jean laughs as she shakes her head.

“We fake dated,” Lara Jean smiles, telling the story of how they were trying to make Gen and Josh jealous, and how they never intended on actually getting together. Emmi sits and listens, mesmerized, and laughs when Lara Jean finishes.

“He really said he would fake date you?” She asks, leaning forward slightly. “That’s so lame, Mom. I can’t believe you did it.”

“It sounded good at the time! And I was desperate to not have Josh think I liked him after he just broke up with Aunt Margot,” Lara Jean smiles, glancing up at Chris when she walks into the back. “I told her about the fake dating.”

“Ridiculous, isn’t it?” Chris laughs, ruffling Emmi’s hair on her way to her office. “And they actually thought they wouldn’t fall in love.”

Emmi laughs, nodding. “So did you date right after?”

“We did,” Lara Jean nods, leaving out the little details like how they broke up and the drama that went along with it.

“And then you broke up in college?”

Lara Jean nods. “Things weren’t working,” She say softly.

“Because Dad got hurt, right?”

“Yes,” Lara Jean nods. “You know about that?”

“I know about his injury,” Emmi offers, shrugging. “I just thought maybe that was part of it.”

Lara Jean nods. “It played a role in it. But Ems, long distance is very, very hard.”

And for as young as Emmi is, she nods in understanding as if she knows everything about long distance dating. Lara Jean waits for another question, but is surprised to see her reach for a spoon to take a bite of the cherry filling, ignoring Lara Jean’s playful look and shake of the head, warning Emmi not to do it again or she won’t have enough.

“What about the letters though?” Emmi asks after a minute, and the conversation that was once light has turned a little more serious. “Like, did they help at all?”

“For the most part,” Lara Jean nods, taking the tray over to store the pastries before they bake them. “It helped me get over my feelings for the boy. I guess some closure.”

Emmi nods. “Do you think it would help me?”

“It might,” Lara Jean offers. “I always used fancy paper and envelopes, made them look really pretty. Maybe we can stop and get you some stuff and you can try?” She offers, surprised when Emmi seems eager at the prospect, nodding quickly.

“I think maybe it’ll help me get over some of the boys that I think are cute,” She shrugs. “But they’re really just dumb.”

Lara Jean laughs at that, shaking her head as she walks to wash her hands.

“Do you want to help me make some cookies? Or do you have homework you want to get done before your dad and the twins get here so we can go to dinner.”

“Homework can wait until after dinner,” Emmi decides, walking over to pull up her hair and wash her hands, joining Lara Jean to roll out dough and form the cookies to make.

The two talk about school and Emmi’s sports teams and how she was invited to another party in a few weeks, and for as dramatic as Lara Jean can remember herself being at 13, she finds that this has been the best year for her and Emmi’s relationship by far.

She finds herself connecting to Emmi as a teen in more ways than she could’ve ever imagined. They hang out more than they fight, Emmi feels confident in telling her things, and while maybe it won’t always be like this and there will be a day where they disagree and get in arguments when Emmi is desperately pushing for more freedom, she’s going to hope that these after school bakery visits never stop no matter how old she is.

Emmi helps close the bakery just as she’s done since she first came into Lara Jean’s life, cleaning out the front display cases and wiping off the tables while they wait for Peter and the twins to get here from after school club so they can go out to dinner after a hectic day.

Emmi’s packing up the last of the cookies they made when Peter walks in, the twins being whisked away by Jenna and a few of the other workers for a moment. 

Emmi looks up in amusement, leaning against the work station as she looks at her dad. “So you and Mom fake dated?” She smirks, Chris walking out of her office laughing.

“Lara Jean told her everything,” She teases, to which Lara Jean walks out of the freezer and over to her husband, leaning on her tip toes to kiss him. 

“You told her we fake dated?” He asks, glancing between his wife and oldest daughter, who’s laughing as she watches the scene unfold.

“She asked how we met the first time,” Lara Jean shrugs, looking back at Emmi and winking. “She’s 13 babe, she was going to find out eventually that we did not start out as a legit couple.” 

Peter nods, slowly coming to terms with the fact that his daughter knows more about the beginnings of their relationship, even if it’s not everything. 

“Do not tell the twins about how we met the first time, got it?” He says when Lara Jean goes to get changed out of the clothes that are now dusted in flour and powdered sugar. “They told me that you told them how we met the second time.”

“They kept asking,” Emmi shrugs, standing up to grab her things to get ready to go. “Besides, I was there, Dad. It’s not like I told them something you didn’t want any of us to know.”

“I don’t care that you told them,” Peter corrects himself, sighing. “I just… things were complicated when they ended the first time, and I know the twins will have a lot of questions about that.”

Emmi nods, pulling her backpack onto her back. “Mom didn’t tell me exactly why you broke up. I just know it had to do with your injury.”

Peter sighs, nodding. He thinks back to those moments, to how those decisions turned into him having Emmi, but there’s still a pang of regret that rings in the back of his brain when he thinks about how things could’ve been. 

“I’ll tell you more about that when you’re older,” He decides, because the last thing he wants is for Emmi to date someone who was like him during those few months, and one day his world will revolve around Emmi dating and he doesn’t want to see her hurt.

Emmi nods, letting Peter pull her into his side as Lara Jean comes out ready to go, the twins laughing in the dining area when they go to get them. 

The twins run ahead while Emmi follows them, and Peter takes the moment to hold his wife’s hand as they walk to dinner, grabbing her hand and squeezing gently.

“I told Em about the letters,” She says quietly, looking up at her husband. “She asked me if she could try them.”

Peter nods, smiling as he looks in front of them at their three kids. “Maybe they’ll work out for her the way they worked out for you,” He smiles, relaxing when Lara Jean laughs beside him.

He knows there’s going to be a day where Emmi knows everything about what happened between he and Lara Jean in college. And while it won’t go over well, that much he knows, there’s a part of him that loves knowing that his daughter will see that even though things could’ve gone better and Peter didn’t have to make all those mistakes, everything was okay in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for reading <3 <3 <3 you're all amazing and i love you and thank you for loving this so much!
> 
> i've had a CRAZY few weeks at work, BUT i have faith the kitty/owen fic will be up sometime this week. i know i've said that a million times, but i've actually found time to work on it and feel like it's almost done :)
> 
> not sure what next week's one-shot will be, but we may go back to peter/lara jean for a minute :)
> 
> thank you guyssss <3
> 
> title of the chapter from Better Man by 5 Seconds of Summer


	21. she's got dreams too big for this town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter struggles with Emmi's college plans

Peter really thinks he has been a reasonable parent.

He’s been pretty relaxed at enforcing rules for Emmi, lets all three kids get away with more than they probably should, and ultimately finds it really hard to say no if it doesn’t put their life in danger.

But when Emmi comes to him asking if they can visit colleges a little further out west and maybe some down south as well, Peter finds himself coming dangerously close to saying no and drawing a line.

Lara Jean doesn’t step in, instead watching from afar as Peter hesitates and then swallows, shrugging. “Put together a list of what schools you want to see both here and wherever else and I’ll see what I can do,” He settles on, which excites Emmi as she thanks him and runs off.

Lara Jean sees right through him, hiding her smile as she studies Peter. “Breathe,” She smiles when Emmi is out of earshot, eyes trained on her husband. “You do know she’s been subtly mentioning wanting to go to warmer weather for college for almost a year, right?” She says, curling her feet up underneath her.

“I didn’t think she was serious!” He sighs, running his fingers through her hair. “How are we going to let her go so far away to school?”

“Margot went to Scotland,” Lara Jean shrugs, braiding her hair loosely. 

Peter’s silent for a minute, and then he looks back at his wife. “So you’re saying you’d be okay if she went that far away from us for college?”

“I would miss her like hell,” Lara Jean clarifies. She shifts in her seat, sitting up a little straighter. “But Peter, Emmi deserves to feel like she can spread her wings and learn about other places other than staying close by.”

Peter, who tries to see the other side of things, only finds that he’s getting more annoyed by it all. He sighs, shakes his head, and then looks back to his wife. “I’m just not ready to let our kid go that far away from us when she’s barely 18. And I don’t know that I ever will be.”

Lara Jean tries to refute it, to remind her husband that she was a few hours away too and it wasn’t always easy but she grew as a person, but Peter stands and leaves a kiss on top of her head, mumbling about how he was going to go for a run.

Lara Jean knows Peter needs to get out of the house and get some air, and so she waits until the front door clicks before she gets up, busying herself in the kitchen while she waits for him to get back.

—

Whatever clarity Lara Jean thought Peter would get when he went out from his run doesn’t come, and after two days he’s still refusing to talk about Emmi going to college or the fact that she just wants to visit schools a little further away.

“Will you please just talk to me about it?” Lara Jean practically begs as she slides into bed beside him one night, reaching to turn off her light. “You’ve barely said two words since we disagreed about letting her think about going far away.”

“I don’t get how you’d be okay with it,” He sighs, rolling onto his side. “Maybe it’s because she’s not biologically yours, and —“

“I don’t ever see her as not biologically mine,” Lara Jean cuts her off. She tries to mask the hurt in her voice, but just shakes her head and takes a breath. “I see Emmi as my daughter, Peter. Just because I didn’t have her doesn’t mean I don’t feel like I’m without a doubt her mother. You of all people know that.”

Peter squeezes his eyes shut, shaking his head. “I didn’t mean it like that, I just —“

“Let’s just talk about this in the morning,” She insists, and whatever protest Peter thinks about saying is left on his lips, a nod and a quick kiss goodnight all that’s left between them.

—

The following few days are quiet. Peter certainly doesn’t avoid Lara Jean, but things are off between them and all three kids notice, flicking back and forth between the two of them as their answers to each other are clipped and not much else is said as it only becomes more awkward.

Peter knows he needs to put an end to it, so when Lara Jean goes upstairs to get ready for bed Peter hesitates and then follows her, standing in the doorway of the bathroom while Lara Jean washes her face.

“I’m sorry for being such a dick,” He starts with, which earns a laugh out of Lara Jean as she cups her hand, splashing water. “I really shouldn’t have said what I said.”

“It was a pretty dumb thing to say,” Lara Jean agrees, dabbing her face with a towel. “Just so we’re both on the same page, I love Em more than anything. And you know I’d run through a brick wall for that kid.”

“Trust me, I know,” Peter nods. “And I promise you that doesn’t go unnoticed. It never has. The way you take care of her? The way you just stepped in soo seamlessly all those years ago? I could never tell you how much that means to me.”

“I love you,” Lara Jean breathes. She turns back, walking over and wrapping her arms around her husband. “And I love our kids and this life that we’ve made together, but Peter, we can’t keep arguing like this.”

Peter nods, his arms snaking around her back. “Trust me, I don’t want to.”

Lara Jean nods, perching up to kiss him quickly before finishing getting ready for bed. “Since we didn’t get to finish talking about it the other night, I think we should at least let her visit the schools. There’s no harm in going for a visit,” She says. “And it’s a good excuse for a family vacation?”

Peter laughs, watching his wife as she crawls into her side of the bed. “We could use a long weekend away,” He sighs, turning onto his side. “And I guess it won’t kill me if we go visit a school she loves.”

“That’s all I ask,” Lara Jean breathes. She kisses him goodnight, running her fingers through his hair while she reads her book, and while everything isn’t perfect, maybe it’s enough.

—

Emmi doesn’t normally sit and watch Lara Jean make dinner.

Occasionally she’ll help her bake, or sit with her while she goes over orders at home and talk to her about boys and friends and everything in between, but this feels different.

Because Emmi is sitting there doing her homework quietly and not making a conversation, and for a moment Lara Jean almost thinks maybe she’s not feeling well.

“I’m making soup for dinner,” Lara Jean says, mostly just to break the silence between the two of them. 

“Is Dad upset about me wanting to go away to college?”

It spills out so quickly that for a moment it doesn’t register in Lara Jean’s brain what was just asked. And then it does and she sighs, turning back to look at her daughter. “It’s hard for him, Em,” She sighs, stirring the soup before turning back. “You’re his little girl.”

“I just feel like I need to live away.”

“I agree,” Lara Jean smiles. “Living away from home did me and your dad a world of good, Em. And I think it’ll do the same for you.”

“Then why is he so upset?”

Lara Jean hesitates for a moment, trying to think of the right way to word things. “For so long it was just you and him, you know? And he thinks about those days a lot, even though he doesn’t talk about it,” She begins, smiling when Emmi nods. “The thought of you being so far away from him, especially if you ever needed something, is a lot for him.”

Emmi nods. “I’d miss him a lot, too,” She clarifies, a smile tugging on the corner of her mouth. “I’d miss all of you. But I just want to see what the campuses look like. It doesn’t mean I’m leaving yet.”

“I know that,” Lara Jean promises. She reaches over, resting her hand on top of Emmi’s. “Just give your dad some time. He’ll get there. And for the record, he’s going to be exactly like this with the twins.”

“Oh, I know,” Emmi nods, laughing. “Do you really think he’ll come around?”

“Absolutely,” Lara Jean nods. “But for now, you just worry about doing well in school and choosing whatever colleges you want to visit, and your dad will ease into it.”

Emmi nods, thanking her quietly before shifting back to her homework, talking about her day and her friends and everything in between, the air in the room suddenly a whole lot lighter.

—

Peter arrives home from work late, stressed out, and wanting nothing more than to fall into bed and not wake up until he has to go back to work the next morning.

The sight of him like this isn’t all that unusual for Emmi, who can still remember when she was little and he’d have to work late, but she just smiles at him when he walks in this time rather than jumping up and hugging him as if it had been days since they last saw each other.

“How was your day?” Peter asks, kissing Lara Jean before turning back to his daughter, who’s on her laptop at the kitchen island while she watches Lara Jean making dinner.

“It was fine,” Emmi shrugs. “I’m just finishing my homework now.”

Peter nods. “When you finish can you go get your brother and sister? I’m going to help Mom with dinner so we can eat soon.”

Emmi sighs, nodding as she continues typing. She finishes her homework, shuts her laptop and slips upstairs without saying another word.

Peter turns back to Lara Jean, pulling plates down from the cabinet. “Did she have a bad day or something?” He asks, eyebrows knitting in concern when Lara Jean just smiles, shaking her head.

“First of all, she thinks you’re upset that she wants to go so far away.”

“Well, I am.”

Lara Jean pauses, staring at him. “Peter, going away to school was good for us. You know it’s be good for her too.”

“I know,” Peter relents, shoulders shrugging. “I’ll get used to it. I was thinking about telling her tonight that we’ll go visit the schools over break. Let her see them at least.”

“Family vacation?”

“Please,” Peter smiles. “It’s going to take time for me to get used to this, but I also know that you going away and me living at school was the best things for us individually.”

Lara Jean turns down the burner, walking over and wrapping her arms around her husband’s middle. “You are the best dad to all three of our kids. This will get easier.”

“Don’t hold your breath,” He smiles, leaning down to kiss her before he finishes setting the table.

—

The twins dominate the conversation at dinner, talking about their classes and what happens at recess and everything in between. It’s a welcomed conversation, something that Peter wouldn’t trade for anything, but as he looks at his eldest he finds himself wishing there was a lull in the conversation so he could tell her his news.

When the room silences for a moment Lara Jean nudges his leg under the table, watching as he swallows his bite before turning to his kids. “So, with school break coming up in a few weeks, your mom and I thought maybe it’d be good if we went on a vacation,” He begins. 

The twins perk up, cheering and asking a million questions about where they’re going and how long they’ll be gone, but it’s Emmi that stays quiet, ducking her head and continuing to eat her dinner.

“Well, Mom and I were thinking maybe we’d go out west for the week? See some colleges Emmi likes?”

And that’s when Emmi looks up, eyes widening as she looks between her parents, sitting up a little straighter. “Are you being serious?”

“Dead serious,” Peter nods. “I know that I’ve said it’s hard for me, but Ems, it’s something I’m going to have to get used to. And besides, the least we could do is visit the campuses.”

Emmi smiles, nodding. “Thank you, seriously.”

“You’re welcome,” Peter says, sharing a knowing smile with his daughter and then his wife, laughing as the twins talk about everything else they can do for the rest of the trip.

—

Lara Jean insists that Peter just relax on the couch while she makes sure the twins are in bed, to which Peter reluctantly obliges. He reminds himself that it’s only one night, that work is killing him and he needs a minute, and that the twins will be more than fine for Lara Jean for one night.

And then Emmi appears in the living room, hesitating before falling onto the sofa beside him, leaning her head against his shoulder. “No matter where I go to college, I’m still going to miss you.”

And Peter likes to chalk it up to the exhaustion his body is going through, but tears definitely build behind his eyes and he can only reach over and rest his hand on his little girls knee, squeezing gently. “I’m going to miss you like hell, kid. Even if you just go down the street.”

Emmi laughs beside him, curling up further. “I get why this is so hard for you,” She says quietly. She stays still, breathing slowly. “It was just the two of us for a really long time.”

“There’s nothing more that I want than to see you be happy, Ems,” Peter reminds her, sighing. “I want you to make a million memories and make new friends and have every single experience I got to have. It’s just the thought of letting you go is terrifying to me.”

“You’ve always been right there whenever I needed you,” Emmi comments. “And I love that more than anything and I can’t thank you enough. But Dad, I think I need to learn how to be on my own. Away from you and Mom and the twins. I think that will help me even more.”

“It will without a doubt be the best thing for you,” He promises. He stays silent for a moment, and then leans his cheek against the top of her head. “You know, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night from a dream back when you were little and it was just the two of us.”

Emmi hums, waiting for him to continue.

“It usually only takes me a moment before I feel Mom next to me and I realize it wasn’t real, but I always dream that you needed me and I wasn’t there. And that you felt like I was beginning to abandon you just like Juliet did.”

“I would never think that,” Emmi sighs. “Never in a million years.”

“It’s always been a fear, Em,” Peter admits. It’s hard, and for the most part he hates that he’s being so vulnerable with her, but he knows this is when she needs to hear it. “And maybe a lot of it stems from when you were tiny and Juliet had just left and I was so convinced I was going to mess everything up.”

“You made everything better,” Emmi smiles. “You still do.”

“Yeah, well, you’ve made it really easy,” He counters, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. “And that’s why I know that you’re going to be absolutely fine as far away from me as you feel comfortable. You just have to give me some time.”

“Promise,” Emmi says, wrapping her arms around him. “I love you, Dad.”

“Love you more, kid,” He promises, and his heart is bursting in his chest and for a minute he wishes this moment could never end.

He doesn’t know how he’s going to fare with Emmi out of the house, whether she’s across the country or just down the street. He knows he has the twins and this is a normal progression, but there’s something so terrifying about being in this situation with his first-born that makes him nervous.

And then he realizes everything he and Emmi have been through. And if they could survive all of that, he’s positive they’ll survive this transition as well, even if it’s the hardest thing in the world for him in this moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for reading/commenting/leaving kudos, you're the best! 
> 
> not sure what next week's will be yet, or how many more i'll do before i move onto something else :) (def not going anywhere!)
> 
> you're all amazing <3 see you next week!
> 
> title of the chapter is from Ready, Set, Don't Go by Billy Ray and Miley Cyrus because we ALL need a good throwback, let's be honest :)


	22. all of you are a part of me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Lara Jean take care of the twins

Peter’s method of parenting since the twins came along has always been divide and conquer.

It’s helped both he and Lara Jean feel less overwhelmed by everything they needed to do for all three kids, and as they get older and more independent, it’s helped them figure out how they were going to make it to all activities, sporting events and everything in between.

So when the twins are 11 and both need their tonsils out and Lara Jean schedules it for the same day, Peter knows this is going to be the biggest challenge yet.

Carter clings to Lara Jean after surgery, constantly asking for her to lay with him or hold his hand or even just be in the room so he’s not alone while he’s recovering in bed. And while Peter understands, Olivia is much more independent and doesn’t always beg for him, leaving him feeling awful that he’s not doing as much as his wife.

But then Olivia wakes up one morning in more pain than before, constant whimpers as she sighs and twists to get comfortable, and Peter immediately knows he can’t go back to work like he had planned to now that it had been a few days since the initial surgery.

Lara Jean, on a moment of reprieve from her son, gives her husband sympathetic eyes. “I think I could handle them both if you want. The bakery is doing well still without me constantly there.”

Peter immediately shakes his head. “No way,” He sighs, running his fingers through his hair. “You’ve already done more than enough for both of them. I can’t make you do any more than that,” He argues. “Besides, I want to feel like I’m wanted by one of our kids,” He teases, grabbing the medicine and some water, kissing his wife on his way back upstairs.

Olivia looks at him with the most pathetic eyes when he slips back into the room, pushing herself to sit up even further than her propped pillows would allow. “Did you bring stuff to make it stop?” She asks quietly, watching Peter as he quietly shuts the door and nods, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“You have to take this and then you can have some water, and then I’ll lay with you for as long as you want. Or we can go downstairs.”

“Stay here,” She whispers, making a face as the medicine pours down her throat, her hands reaching for the water in Peter’s other hand. “Too sick to move.”

Peter nods, setting the water down on the end table and crawling around, laying down beside her. Immediately she curls up against him, hand resting on his chest as she sighs, shifting until she finds the most comfortable position that she can.

“Want to try to take a nap? See if maybe that helps?” He offers, fingers running through Olivia’s hair as she nods, taking a breath. “I’m sorry it hurts so bad, baby.”

“Just want it to stop,” She whines. “Why did it only start hurting now?”

“Because it’s healing, Liv. Which is why it’s hurting you so much to talk.”

“Does Carter hurt this much?”

“I think he’s feeling a little better today, but he did hurt a lot the last few days,” Peter sighs, thumb brushing against her forehead. “Maybe after you nap the two of you can watch a movie together.”

Olivia nods, shifting until she’s comfortable again. A silence fills over the room, Peter finds himself drifting off, and then Olivia’s small voice breaks through the silence as she shifts to look up at him.

“Dad?” She asks quietly. Peter watches her swallow uncomfortably, reaching for the water on the nightstand as he hums. “I miss Emmi being home. She would do my nails or my hair when I’m laying here.”

Peter sighs. The transition of Emmi being away at college has been hard for all of them, but it hit Olivia in ways no one really saw coming. Lara Jean had told Olivia stories about when Margot went to college, and how even though she may not be home all the time they can still talk on FaceTime and she will come home to visit, but there are days where Olivia really just wants her back.

“I miss her too, kid,” He admits, holding the glass as Olivia takes a sip, wincing before handing it back. “But she’ll be home soon. And I’m sure we can FaceTime her when she’s out of class today,” He adds, watching Olivia nod. “She’s been worried about you and your brother.”

“Did she have her tonsils out?”

“She didn’t,” Peter shakes his head. “Not everyone needs them out. Just apparently you and your brother have to do everything at the same time.”

That earns the smallest of laughs from Olivia, who nods and rolls back onto her pillows. “Do you think Emmi will move back home for school?”

“I think she really likes living away,” Peter smiles. “But she’ll be home for breaks and in the summer. And Liv, you know if you ever need her you can call her.”

Olivia nods, sighs, and then rolls over, announcing that she’s going to try to fall asleep.

Peter stays long after Olivia’s breathing evens out beside him, scrolling through his phone before texting his eldest.

_Your sister really misses you. Wishes you were here to do her nails and keep her company._

He slides his phone into his sweatshirt, sinking down to take a nap of his own.

—

By all accounts, Lara Jean knows her day is much easier than Peter’s has been.

She tries not to complain too much, especially when Carter is happily eating a popsicle and smiling in bed beside her as they watch videos on her phone. Because down the hall her husband is with their daughter, who seems to be delayed with the pain, and she’s here feeling relieved that their little boy is almost back to his normal self.

“Is Livvy going to feel better soon?”

“Definitely,” Lara Jean nods without hesitation, partly because she knows that she can’t instill fear in Carter, but mostly because she knows that it’s the truth. That the doctor said the recovery goes in waves, but they’re turning a corner and getting to a day where it won’t be constant pain and worrying about both of them.

Carter nods, shifting on his pillows as he reaches for her laptop. “I want to go back to school.”

“Next week,” Lara Jean promises. She smooths her hand over his hair, sighing. “You’re sure you’re feeling better today? I still think we should take it easy.”

“It barely hurts,” Carter smiles, looking back at her. “Just a little. Not like the other day.”

Lara Jean nods, falling into watching another youtube video with Carter, smiling at his faint laugh and his raspy voice as he points out funny moments.

Eventually Carter moves the laptop away, turning to his mom and sighing. “Can I please do something else? This is so boring, Mom,” He complains, falling back against the pillows. “I don’t want to lay in bed anymore.”

Lara Jean sighs, conflicted about her options when she knows he still needs to take it easy. And so she tries to think of a solution, praying the one she comes up with will work.

“How about you and I go make Jell-O? That way you don’t have to lay in bed and you and Liv have something to eat that won’t hurt.”

Carter is excited by the idea, practically jumping out of bed before slowing down, giving his mom a sheepish smile. “I won’t jump around, promise,” He says, and while Lara Jean knows she should be firm, she can’t help but laugh and thank him as they walk quietly past Olivia’s room and down the stairs into the kitchen.

Carter stands beside Lara Jean at the island, pouring the mix into the bowl while Lara Jean handles the water, letting him stir. “It has to sit for a few hours, but we can make a few different kinds. I don’t think we have any left that we made the other day.”

“We just have popsicles,” Carter informs her, handing her one bowl to put into the fridge while he reaches to grab another bowl to mix another flavor in.

The two of them share laughs as they make the Jell-O, and for as difficult as the week had been, Lara Jean finally feels like there’s some sense of normal returning, her nerves and fears about having two kids have surgery all but dissipating as they slowly get better.

Carter’s turning back to put the next bowl of the Jell-O in the fridge when the back door to the kitchen clicks, and Emmi appears with balloons and treats in her hand, a smile on her face.

“Emmi!” Lara Jean smiles, walking over to squeeze her. She finds herself relieved all three of them are there, even though Emmi coming home is a complete surprise and one that she never thought would happen. “What are you doing here? How did you get home?”

“Lila and I finished class early and decided to drive home for the weekend,” She shrugs, dropping her bag and walking over to her little brother. “I mean, my favorite siblings had surgery. I figured the least I could do was come home and see how they are.”

Carter smiles as he hugs her, now almost as tall as her as he takes the balloon and treats for him from her hand. “You feeling okay?” She asks, Carter nodding.

“Livvy is going to be so excited that you’re home,” He smiles.

“And you’re not?” Emmi replies quickly, making Carter laugh as he nods, hugging her again.

Lara Jean watches the reunion in front of her and can’t help but smile, texting her husband to bring Olivia downstairs for a surprise. Peter replies back that she’s still not feeling well, but in Lara Jean’s insistence he agrees, promising they’ll be down soon.

“Em, Liv’s been asking for you. She’s not feeling well today though, so she may be a little clingy,” Lara Jean smiles, listening to the footsteps come closer, Peter turning the corner with a too-big Emmi resting in his arms.

His eyes widen, Emmi smiles widely, and then Peter nudges Olivia to get her attention. “Livvy, I really think you need to look up and see the surprise Mom and Carter have down here for us,” He encourages, smiling when Olivia moans and then turns, eyes widening as she slides out of Peter’s grasp, walking over to her sister and hugging her tightly.

“Did you guys know she was coming home?” Olivia asks, eyes flicking between Peter and Lara Jean.

“We did not,” Peter smiles, leaning against the doorway in the room.

“I thought it’d be nice to come see my favorite siblings. Bring them some treats since they were super brave during surgery and all week while Mom and Dad took care of you.”

“They’ve been so annoying,” Olivia whispers, all three kids laughing as Peter and Lara Jean roll their eyes, sharing a smile between the two of them.

“Okay twins, you need to go and rest,” Lara Jean says, taking over once more. “Medicine time and then you can watch a movie with Emmi down here.”

For all the protesting that the twins had been doing about their medicine, both eagerly agree and take it without so much as an argument, following Emmi out to the sofa while they pick a movie. Emmi hands them both blankets and sits in between, Olivia’s head falling into her lap as she plays with her hair while Carter’s head rests on her shoulder.

Lara Jean cleans up the mess from the Jell-O making while Peter helps, the two of them glancing out to the living room where all three kids are sitting quietly.

“Did you ever think all those years ago that we would be married with three kids?” He asks quietly, eyes fixed on the three of them in the other room.

Lara Jean laughs, putting the last of the dishes in the dishwasher. “Never in a million years,” She admits, turning back as she dries her hands. “But just so you know, I wouldn’t trade any of this for a minute.”

“God, me either,” He smiles, holding his arms out as his wife falls into them. “This has been a rough week, hasn’t it?”

Lara Jean hums against his chest, taking a breath. “One of the worst since the twins were newborns I think.”

Peter nods, lips pressing against her head. “I think you’re right,” He agrees, chin resting in her hair. “But thank god they have the best Mom taking care of them.”

“Their dad isn’t so bad either,” Lara Jean replies, relaxing against her husband.

Peter lets the silence wash over them for a moment before he speaks again. “I like having them all together. All our babies in one place where we know they’re safe.”

“I agree,” Lara Jean nods. “And I know that in a few days we’re going to have two crazy active pre-teens again, but I just feel like I need to savor the moment where our twins have to stay still and they’re not fighting or being dramatic about little things.”

Peter laughs, pulling away as the two of them start making lunch for everyone. “I mean, it does suck that it took surgery for two-thirds of our kids to realize that we like the non-chaotic versions of them.”

Peter works on making food for the five of them while Lara Jean puts soup into the crockpot for dinner later that night, the two of them savoring the first quiet moment for them in weeks.

Lara Jean embraces the chaotic moments their lives a re now filled with since becoming a family of five all those years ago. And while this week has been difficult and there were moments where she thought her heart was going to break knowing that her babies were in pain and there was nothing she could do for them, she found comfort in knowing that her husband felt the same way she did.

She and Peter would continue to be the best parents they could be to their three kids, and as long as they had each other, they knew they could get through every little moment life brought them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for reading/leaving kudos/comments! not sure how many more of these there will be, but i am working on something else outside of this universe! :)
> 
> in case you missed it, i did post the kitty/owen fic this past week! :)
> 
> see you next sunday!!
> 
> title of the chapter is from Song for my Children by Dave Barnes :) <3


	23. we'll make a life and a baby or two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> college Peter and Lara Jean talk about the future

Margot and Ravi are getting married.

Lara Jean finds out the news from an excited, barely coherent FaceTime from Margot when Lara Jean is home for break. She answers to find the ring filling up her phone screen, a teary-eyed Margot pulling the phone away so she can look at her sister. “He finally asked, Lara Jean! We’re actually getting married!”

And of course Lara Jean is excited. She gets teary the second Margot talks about how Ravi planned everything perfectly, recounting the whole evening of their date and walk along the historic streets of London. She aches to be there with her sister, wants to see the ring in person and open a bottle of champagne and celebrate, but it’s sophomore year and she can’t fathom being able to pick up and leave anytime soon.

“As soon as you’re back we’re having a big engagement party,” Lara Jean decides, planning it all out in her head. There’s a cute restaurant downtown that she thinks would be the perfect place to celebrate, and she knows it’s one of Margot’s favorites.

“I’ll let you throw the biggest engagement party when I’m back home, I promise,” Margot beams, and that alone is enough to hold Lara Jean over as she demands more photos of the ring before hanging up.

Peter, who’s barely home an hour from school for his own break, knocks on the Covey’s door and eagerly hugs Kitty as she attempts to sneak under his arm to go out with her friends. “Missed you too, kid!” He smiles, shutting the front door behind him before walking into the kitchen, wrapping his arms around Lara Jean’s middle.

“Someone is in a very good mood,” She smirks, leaning a finger dipped in frosting back for him to lick.

He obliges, resting his chin on her shoulder. “I’m home from school with no lacrosse practice for the first time in months, and my girlfriend and I have the whole house to ourselves for the night. What’s not to love?”

Lara Jean laughs, scooping the frosting into a piping bag and finishing the last of the cupcakes, swatting Peter’s hand away when he tries to steal one. “One movie first, then we can have them. Give them a time to at least not look so bad when we eat them.”

Peter pouts but agrees anyway, walking over to the sofa as Lara Jean slots in beside him.

As is tradition, Peter allows Lara Jean to choose the movie first, only half joking when he groans at the new chick flick she turns on with a smile.

Peter is drawing patterns against Lara Jean’s arm when her phone buzzes between them, nudging her when she pulls it out to look at it. “Margot got engaged,” She smiles, leaning back so Peter can see the photos that she’s sending. “She FaceTimed me just before you got here. Wanted to show me the ring and tell me how he did it.”

Peter hums, peering over her shoulder and staring at the ring, smiling when Lara Jean swipes to a photo of Margot and Ravi, Margot crying as she hugs him.

“The ring is pretty,” He comments, but Lara Jean can tell he doesn’t know what else to say. “Did it happen today?”

“This afternoon,” Lara Jean hums, swiping to another photo of Ravi actually proposing. “Apparently he planned out this whole afternoon for them, and then he had one of his friends film the proposal so that she could see it later.”

Peter smiles. “Of course he had everything planned perfectly. Ravi is really good at that,” He laughs, kissing the top of Lara Jean’s head as she laughs.

“Are you saying you wouldn’t be?” She asks, and for a moment Peter feels a sense of panic wash over him at the question.

“I don’t know,” He manages to say, shrugging underneath her weight. “When have you ever heard of me planning out anything in advance?” He teases.

Lara Jean laughs, shaking her head. “You’re right,” She says, turning to face him. “But I love you either way,” She smiles, pressing her lips lightly to his.

—

Lara Jean leans forward, pulling the blanket up over the two of them. She’s breathless, hair sticking to her forehead as she leans back down against Peter’s sweaty chest, chewing on the insider of her lip.

She’s missed this, missed _him_ more than anything. Missed the way she seems to fit so perfectly in the crook of his arm, or how he always just seems to know exactly what she needs without her saying anything. She’s missed his warmth and his laugh and his smile that somehow gets even better the more tired he is, and being here right now she isn’t sure how they’re going to go back to school again in a few days.

Peter runs his fingers through his hair, breathing evening underneath her touch. “I’ve missed you,” He mumbles against her hair, lips brushing gently as his fingers dance along her spine. “I’ve missed the way you feel against me like this.”

“Missed your more,” She replies easily, tilting her head back to look at him. “This is a lot better than my dorm room.”

Peter laughs, looking around as he stretches out his free arm. “Roomier, I guess,” He teases, kissing her forehead. “It’s a lot more romantic when you can’t hear drunk college kids walking down the hallway in what they think is a quiet way.”

“I’ll agree to that,” She nods, lifting her head to stare at him. “I know it’s late and this is really nice, but I really feel like I need to shower.”

Peter raises his eyebrows, smirking. “Really, Covey? You’re just going to leave it at that and not say anything after?”

Lara Jean laughs, kissing him roughly as the blanket falls and she crawls out of her side of the bed. Peter watches her, biting his lip and leaning up on his elbows, desperately trying to hide how turned on he is when she turns back around to look at him.

“I didn’t say you weren’t invited,” She smirks, walking out of her room and into the bathroom.

Peter scrambles to get out of the bed, stopping himself from hitting the ground when he gets tangled in the blankets, and walks as fast as possible to the bathroom pushing the door open.

Lara Jean turns back and smirks, gasping when Peter presses her against the wall. “I was beginning to think you weren’t coming,” She mumbles against his lips, hands snaking around his middle.

Peter kisses her roughly, lips pressing along her neck. “Think we better get in, Covey. We’re wasting water.”

Lara Jean moans, grabbing his hand and pulling him underneath the water with him.

—

Lara Jean stands in the kitchen in Peter’s t-shirt and her pajama pants, tying her hair up before making pancakes for the two of them.

Peter’s still sleeping in her bed, Kitty is at her friends all day, and her dad and Trina are spending the weekend at a conference for Trina’s work, apologizing profusely that they’re missing the first few days of her break.

Lara Jean insists it’s fine, but mostly because she was selfish for moments like these, where she could be alone and her boyfriend is upstairs asleep in her bed.

It gets her thinking about the future.

About how maybe one day she and Peter will be just like Margot and Ravi. They’ll be the ones getting engaged, crying to her sisters over FaceTime that it finally happened. They’ll be the ones looking at venues and places to have a reception and what kind of party they’re going to have.

She thinks about how she’ll ask her friends to be her bridesmaids and they’ll go dress shopping together, and maybe Peter will go on a wild bachelor weekend with his best friends, and they’ll laugh about the recounted stories for years.

But most of all, at the end of the day she’ll be married to the boy she fake dated all those years ago.

It seems surreal almost to think about that. To put some faith into marrying the boy she’s head over heels in love with, starting a life together in a way that’s so different to know. It scares her sometimes, thinking about how one day they’ll be out of college and onto the next thing and figuring out adult life, and maybe they’ll be lucky enough to do it together.

Peter slowly comes downstairs with a lazy smile on his face, leaning down for a quick kiss. “Was wondering where that shirt’s been,” He smirks, sinking into a chair at the island as Lara Jean finishes the last of the pancakes.

“Don’t expect to go back to school with it,” She smiles, sliding the plate over to him as she pours them both drinks. “It’s probably your most comfortable shirt.”

Peter laughs, pulling pancakes onto his own plate. “Which is why I hid it from you in the first place,” He smiles.

Lara Jean doesn’t say anything through breakfast, and if Peter notices her staring, he doesn’t say anything either. She pours syrup over her pancakes generously, thinks about how maybe one day they’d own a cute little apartment in town together where they could do this every morning, and laughs as Peter talks about the dream he had the night before.

She almost has the courage to bring it up when they’re doing the dishes, Peter washing while she dries. It’s quiet, the clanking of plates and bowls really the only thing separating the two of them, but it’s nice and Lara Jean doesn’t think she’d trade this for anything.

But then they finish and Peter is standing in front of her as she leans back against the counter, his lips tracing down her jawline and onto her neck, sucking and biting gently. Lara Jean grips the granite countertop, moaning quietly as she arches into his touch. And Peter laughs against her skin, sending goosebumps up and down with ease, moving back up to kiss her lips softly as he lifts her into his arms and moves over to the sofa.

“I love you,” He murmurs when she’s straddling his lap, his hands snaking up under his stolen t-shirt. “And I’m glad our breaks aligned like this.”

Lara Jean breathes, gripping his shoulders as she nods. “Me too,” She manages to say quietly, grinding slowly against him.

—

Peter knows Lara Jean is thinking about things when she doesn’t say anything.

She’s been laying against him on the sofa while they watch a movie and he traces patterns along her arm. And while he likes that they’re together, that there’s no longer a distance between the two of them when they’re both at school, something feels like maybe she’s hiding something she’s been dying to say.

“What’s on your mind?”

His voice catches Lara Jean off guard when he breaks the silence. He’s smiling when she looks up at him, eyebrows knitted for a moment before her lips spread out into a smile and she pushes back to look back at him better.

“I can’t stop thinking about what our future would be like,” She admits, blush creeping up on her face. “Since Margot and Ravi got engaged, I just… I don’t know. Do you think that would be us one day?”

Peter had thought about the future between them. If they’d get married, have kids, live this amazing life together. And most times he thought about it, he’s sure it’s something he wants. To grow old with his best friend, make a million memories and grow old in the way they do in the movies.

“I’m scared of marriage,” is what he blurts out instead, his eyes gazing away from Lara Jean, too afraid to see her reaction. “I just… I watched my parents marriage fall apart in a horrible way. And all I can think about is how I’d probably ruin it just like my dad did.”

Lara Jean is predictably silent, hand searching for his as she squeezes. “I want to grow old with you,” He clarifies. “I want to have kids with you and go on trips and make a million memories that you take so many photos of and keep them forever. I just… I’m scared. That I’ll do something to ruin it.”

“It scares me too. The whole marriage thing,” Lara Jean says after a minute. Peter looks at her, noticing the small smile on her face. “But for what it’s worth, you are _nothing_ like your dad. Not even a little bit. And I have all the faith in the world that you will work a million times harder at marriage than he ever did.”

And the thing is, Peter knows Lara Jean is right. That he would be the opposite of his father because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone like that. But it’s not a promise that he thinks he can commit too, too afraid it’ll be something he jinxes or breaks.

“I love you, Peter. And I want all the same things you want. To be with you forever,” Lara Jean mumbles. She leans forward, kissing him softly.

“I love you,” He mumbles, and although he’s said it a million times in the 24 hours they’ve been back together, this time it means so much more that’s left unsaid between them.

“We’ll figure this whole future thing out together,” She assures him, feeling him relax under her touch.

“Just as long as I have you I’ll be okay,” He promises.

Lara Jean nods, smiling and kissing him again. She doesn’t know what’s in store for them in the future, but she does know that there’s no one else she could see herself being with when they’re old and grey and so far away from this current moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for reading/commenting/leaving kudos! you're all the best :)
> 
> more next sunday! probably not many more of these before i start posting a new fic outside of this universe :)
> 
> chapter title is from In My Arms by Johnnyswim :)
> 
> <3 <3 <3


	24. mama, you taught me to do the right thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emmi writes her college essay and chooses where she’s going to go

Peter’s pretty sure college applications weren’t this difficult when he was a senior.

Sure, he was basically guaranteed entry with a scholarship for lacrosse, but he thinks he’d remember spending hours sat at the kitchen table answering a million questions and writing an essay that takes longer than most of his schoolwork.

But he doesn’t, and coincidentally it’s made him want to rip out his hair when it comes to working on it with Emmi.

After a long weekend full of visiting colleges and a questionable road trip with her family Emmi narrowed her choices down to a few - some close to home and others far away. Lara Jean had been helping Emmi with the logistics of applying, but when it came to writing the essay Emmi had asked for Peter’s help specifically, promising that she’d stay up late with him if it meant just working on it with no distractions.

And Peter obliges, gratefully accepting Lara Jean’s offer to help the twins with the last of their homework and getting them showered and in bed while Peter sits on Emmi’s bed while she sits at her desk, helping her fill out questions about he and Lara Jean that they need to know before they begin drafting the essay.

“So, the prompt says to talk about a moment that changed your life,” He reads, pausing. “That’s a pretty loaded question for a high school senior to be asked.”

“I want to write about when Mom adopted me,” Emmi says abruptly, looking up from the laptop sat on the desk in front of her. She takes a breath, looking back at Peter. “I want to write about how you raised me and how Lara Jean became my mom when you guys got married.”

“Emmi,” Peter smiles, sitting up a little straighter on her bed, “I think that’s a great thing to write about.”

He watches Emmi visibly relax, smiling. “I wanted you to help me with it so that I could surprise Mom. And all of my applications use the same essay, so this is the only one we’re going to have to write.”

“I like that even better,” Peter smirks, running his fingers through his hair as they focus on getting back to work and writing out the essay with only minimal drama and worry on Emmi’s part that she wasn’t doing it justice.

Emmi starts and restarts her essay five times. Peter’s trying to stay patient, remind himself that she is a perfectionist and this means a lot to her, but when she goes to delete everything for what feels like the millionth time he holds his hand out, stopping her. “Let’s just keep going. We can edit it later, right?” He says, to which Emmi deflates but nods anyway.

“I really want this to be perfect,” She groans when she takes a break. She glances back at her dad, tying her hair up in a bun. “I want her to know how much this means to me and how much I love her.”

“She knows how much you love her kid,” Peter smiles, sitting up. He notices the look of worry on his daughter’s face, sighing. “But I promise we’ll make it perfect. Whatever you need to make it perfect, we’ll do it. We have time.”

“Okay,” Emmi nods. She reaches for her water, takes a sip, and then hunches back over her laptop asking Peter for words to use a few times while she feverishly types the words down on the page. Peter watches, glancing at his phone as he sits up.

“Alright, we’re done for tonight,” He declares, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and looking back at his daughter, who turns to protest. “No, I’m not listening to it,” He stops her, raising his eyebrows when she goes to protest. “I love you, and I’m so glad you’re passionate about this and you want to finish, but it’s almost 11 on a school night and I need you to get some sleep.”

Emmi opens her mouth to argue, takes one look at her dad’s face, and relents. Sighing, she saves her work, shuts her laptop and grabs her pajamas off the floor before sliding into her bathroom to get ready for bed.

Peter waits for her to say goodnight, slipping out of the room and down the hall into his own, surprised to find Lara Jean still awake as she peers over the top of her book to look at him. “Everything okay?”

Peter nods, pulling his t-shirt over his head and sighing. “She’s a perfectionist obviously,” He reminds Lara Jean, ignoring her laughs. “And obviously she wants her college essay to be perfect, but she’s not willing to just let it be and let us fix it up later. So she got frustrated, but I think we’re back on the right track.”

Lara Jean nods, bookmarking her place and sinking down under the blankets. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing an amazing job,” She murmurs, leaning over to kiss him. “What is she writing about?”

“I’ve been sworn to secrecy,” Peter teases, hand snaking under the blankets to pull her closer. “I promise you’re going to love it when you hear it, but it means a lot to Em if she can tell you herself.”

Lara Jean juts her bottom lip out, smiling and leaning forward to kiss him. “I’ll accept it, but only because I know it means a lot to Emmi,” She laughs, pressing her head against his chest. “Just know that if this was any other circumstance I would be begging you to tell me.”

“Oh, I know,” Peter smirks, kissing the top of her head. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” She whispers against his chest, letting Peter pull away for a moment to shut the light off before curling up against her again.

—

Emmi waits until the twins are at a birthday party to read her essay out loud.

It’s not that she cares if they hear it tonight or not, it’s more that she thinks she needs the least amount of distractions the first time she reveals it to Lara Jean.

So she makes it as informal as possible, spending her time waiting for Lara Jean to get home from dropping the twins off reading and rereading it a million times until she feels comfortable and Peter makes her stop, promising her that it’s fine and Lara Jean is going to love it, forcing her to relax.

And then Lara Jean is sitting on the sofa and Emmi is staring at her computer screen until it blurs, biting her lip. “I wrote my college essay with Dad’s help, and the prompt was to write about a moment that changed my life.”

Lara Jean nods, smiling as Emmi takes a breath, scrolling through her essay before beginning to read.

_I think there’s a moment in everyone’s life where they feel like they’re a changed person. For me, that change happens when I was six years old._

_Being raised by a single father since I was two years old, having it just be the two of us was my normal. I never once thought this was different from anyone else that I knew. He would help me with my homework, make sure I had everything I needed in life, and take me to anywhere that I needed to go without a hesitation on his part. I didn’t realize that this meant he was doing what most parents split between the two of them, I just saw him as a superhero for doing it all._

_When I was six, my dad found his way back to his first love. The two of them reconnected, and slowly as Lara Jean became introduced to my life, I began to see what all my friends had in their life on a daily basis — a team of adults who had the interests of their kids in mind._

_As I watched my dad fall in love, I found myself clinging to Lara Jean. She became the mom I didn’t remember but suddenly felt like I always needed, always helping me with things and taking the time to bond with me, and for that I will forever be grateful._

_My first big memory is their wedding. I remember the love that they had for each other, how they made sure I felt involved in their special day, and how from then on out I knew that my life would never be the same. Because just after they had celebrated their wedding, we agreed to have Lara Jean adopt me and become my mother, which ultimately changed my life in more ways than I can describe._

_I can remember those moments in the court room as if they had happened yesterday. The feel of the cool wood underneath my sparkly pink nails, or the way my dad held me in his arms, his free hand holding onto Lara Jean’s as we listened to the judge._

_I can remember the way my dad cried when he spoke about how he was giving permission for the judge to have my mom adopt me, or how my mom held me and said that we were officially a family now, that there was no more confusion for my friends to have because it would say it everywhere that she was my mom._

_I can remember the celebration after, how we went to my favorite restaurant and out for ice cream, and for a moment it felt like everything was perfect. The three of us were officially a family, and there was nothing that could take that away from us._

_I remember the feeling of joy bursting through my chest, the pride I felt as I tilted my shoulders back and held my head up, proudly declaring to anyone that would listen that Lara Jean was my mom, that the judge said so and everything was so happy. I remember the cool breeze as we left the court house, how my parents held my hands as we walked down the street, and how they both kept sharing glances with each other, tears brimming behind their eyes at the excitement of the afternoon’s proceedings._

_Growing up, I believed that it would always be my dad and I. We always used to say that it was us against the world, that he would always be there for me, and that I would never have to worry that he wouldn’t be there for me or he would leave me. And while things have certainly shifted since then, they’ve changed in the best ways and made my life even better than I could’ve ever hoped for._

_Lara Jean, my mother, has changed my life in ways that are hard to describe. She’s gone from this woman that entered my life in a way that I wasn’t expecting to ever have, from a woman who used to think of fun ideas to get to know me better and help me trust her, to being a woman that I trust more than anyone in the world. A woman who I feel that I can talk to whenever I need to without feeling like she’s going to judge me._

_More than anything, my mother is a woman who has never treated me as if I wasn’t biologically hers. In the years since she married my dad, we’ve added two more kids into the family. While they are biologically her children, she has never made a differentiation between the three of us. I have always been her child in her eyes, just as she has always been my mother._

_My upbringing is far from normal. And while those days of it being my dad and I against the world are long gone, I can say confidently that they have been replaced by a woman entering my life who loves me so fiercely in a way that I think I always needed. Because while it was our own little version of perfect just the two of us, Lara Jean has become the mother that I wasn’t fortunate to have, but one that I so desperately needed._

By the time Emmi finds the courage to look up from her laptop, Lara Jean is staring back at her with tears in her eyes. She stands up from the opposite sofa, walking over to sit beside Emmi as she pulls her into her side.

“I love you more than anything, you know that kid?” She whispers, lips pressing to her hair. Peter smiles, watching the two of them. “Being able to be your mom has been the greatest gift of my life. And I know you say that I changed your life, but you changed mine even more, my love.”

“So you like it?” Emmi asks, laughing when Lara Jean laughs against her.

“Love it, Ems. It’s my favorite thing you could’ve ever given me,” She promises.

Emmi nods, moving her laptop to rest on the bed beside her before curling up against Lara Jean. It’s reminiscent of when Emmi was much younger, before she and Peter were engaged, and how Emmi would curl up against her side while they watched movies, her tiny hands playing with the ends of Lara Jean’s hair.

And while the circumstances certainly have changed, Lara Jean finds herself pulling Emmi a little closer to her, kissing the side of her head and soaking in the moment, reminding herself that this is the last year they’re going to have this for a while.

—

For a nervous as Emmi had been about the whole application process to college, she’s oddly calm in the months and weeks it takes for the responses to start coming in. She checks the mail more often, constantly scrolling through email when she’s on the computer in the kitchen, but she hardly brings it up and doesn’t show any indications she’s nervous, which is enough in Peter’s mind to ease his worries that she’s putting too much pressure on herself.

And then the acceptances start coming in. Mostly from the schools out west that they visited, which both terrifies and excites Peter that his little girl has plans for the following year. “I’m going to wait until I have them all back before I make my decision,” Emmi smiles, but accepts the special treatment and the spotlight for a moment about getting into the schools she had worked so hard for.

George Mason University’s packet comes in the mail on a rare warmer day in the middle of winter, the sun shining above them. Peter nods towards it when Emmi comes in and drops her bag on a chair, watching the way her eyes follow his, landing on the packet that is so obviously an acceptance packet it’s hard for both of them to hide their excitement.

But they manage to, and when she opens it and reads the acceptance letter outside the two of them dance around the kitchen and laugh, FaceTiming Lara Jean back at work to tell her the good news that she was accepted to almost every school she applied to.

“Take some time with it, don’t rush into making a decision. We have some time before we have to send any money in,” Peter advises, chopping up the rest of the vegetables for dinner while he smiles. “But I’m so proud of you, kid. You’re my genius child.”

“Shut up,” Emmi rolls her eyes, grabbing her bag and the folder off the counter, mumbling something about how she’s going to go look through the books to start making her decision.

When Lara Jean walks in she’s carrying a celebratory bottle of wine in her hand, smiling as she pulls down two glasses. “Our first child is officially going to college next year, it’s a cause for celebration,” She smiles, clanking their glasses together.

—

It takes Emmi three weeks before she walks into the living room stating that she’s made her decision about where she wants to go to school.

“I’ve decided that I think the best school for me is George Mason,” She says proudly, eyes moving between the two of them.

Peter sits up a little straighter, surprised by her choice. “What made you land on George Mason?”

Emmi shrugs, trying to hide her smile as she shifts her mouth. “Well, it’s only an hour and a half away so coming home for some weekends wouldn’t be that difficult,” She begins, “And I think I might miss the twins a lot while I’m gone.”

Peter smirks, nodding. “A perfectly acceptable reason to stay close to home. And Lila is still going there?”

Emmi nods, walking to fall onto the sofa between the two of them. “Thank you for helping me through all of this. And for taking me on the school visits and supporting me in whatever school I chose.”

“We’re so proud of you, you know that?” Peter smiles. He feels a little bit like crying, a little bit like maybe if he holds her here time will stop and she’ll stop growing and they’ll stop having to go through so many changes. “And we know that George Mason is going to be perfect for you.”

“I hope so,” Emmi whispers, head falling against Peter’s shoulder.

For a moment it feels like a weight has been lifted off of all of their shoulders. And while it’s relieving to know that Emmi has a school for next year and she’s going to continue her education, Peter dreads to think about the day he has to drop his little girl off, knowing it’s something he’s never going to be ready for.

For now he’s just going to savor this moment with his wife and their oldest child, praying that they’ll have a million more of these before she leaves at the end of the summer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for reading/commenting/leaving kudos :) you're all the best!
> 
> probably not too many more of these before we wrap up this series and begin another fic outside of this universe!
> 
> see you next week :) <3 <3 <3
> 
> title of the fic is from Mama's Song by Carrie Underwood


	25. all the memories of everything we've been through

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Lara Jean run into a familiar face when grocery shopping with the kids.

Lara Jean walks through the aisles of the crowded grocery store just before the holidays with one year old twins desperate to wriggle out of the restraints of the cart and an eight year old Emmi holding Peter’s hand as they snake their way through the crowds of people doing last minute food shopping for their holiday dinners.

In hindsight, Lara Jean wishes she would’ve waited to go food shopping. Maybe alone, or at least until they got a sitter and she and Peter could have gone alone when they didn’t have to wrestle with three kids. But instead they’re navigating the holiday traffic and the unusual crowds while trying to get ready themselves and food shop for the rest of the week, praying that somehow all three kids make it out of the store in one piece with the least amount of drama possible.

“If I take the twins down this aisle and get Emmi snacks for her lunch, can you go back into the baking aisle and let Em pick some sprinkles for the Christmas cookies we’re going to make? I told her she could pick her own instead of using the ones at the bakery.” Lara Jean asks, turning back to look at Peter.

There’s a hint of anxiousness that flashes over her face, and for a moment Peter almost insists that he stays with her and helps her with the twins, but he knows it’ll be better if he splits away for a minute so they can leave faster. So he grasps Emmi’s hand a little tighter and nods, promising that he’ll come find her after they decide on which sprinkles to use for this weekend’s treats.

Lara Jean snakes her way down the crowded snack aisle, calmly grabbing Carter’s hand before he can grab something and pull it off the shelf, holding it in her hand. “We’re almost done, babes, I promise. And then we’ll go home and have snacks and watch a movie, okay?” She asks, one hand pushing the cart while she scans the shelves, desperate to find what she needs and get out as fast as she possibly can.

“Lara Jean?” She hears, running her hands through her hair as she looks up, noticing Gen standing across from her.

She pauses for a moment, almost as if there’s no way it could be her, and then forces a smile on her face. “Gen, hey!” She says as she tries to sound excited, running her fingers through her hair. “I didn’t realize you lived around this area.”

“Just moved here, actually,” She smiles, turning back when her husband stands behind her. “This is my husband, Mark,” She introduces, smiling as he shakes Lara Jean’s hand quickly. “Are you here alone? With these two little ones?”

“Uh, no,” Lara Jean composes herself, looking back down the aisle as she sees Peter coming. “Actually, here comes my husband now.” 

They both turn to see Peter coming, juggling sprinkles in one hand and Emmi’s hand in the other as his eyes shift between the pair. “Gen, wow,” He says, tossing the sprinkles into the cart. “I didn’t think we’d see you here.”

“Didn’t think I’d see you either,” She smiles, introducing her husband again quickly before looking between the two of them, amusement written on her face. “So you guys got married after all?” She asks, watching as they both nod.

“We did. And I’m assuming you did well?” Peter chimes in, smiling as he glances back to Mark. “I mean, you guys got married.”

Gen composes herself, nodding. “We did. Mark and I got married three years ago, and I have a job in fashion up in DC. We’re just home for the holidays and stopped here before we went to my sister’s on the way back to my parents,” She says quickly. Peter watches as her eyes glance between all three kids. “So all three are yours?” 

Lara Jean nods, leaning her hand against the cart. “These two are Carter and Olivia, they’re both one, and then Emmi is eight,” She smiles. “Em, this is mine and Daddy’s friend from high school, Gen, and her husband Mark.”

“Hi,” Emmi says quietly, looking between the two of them.

Gen smiles, saying a quick hello back before looking at the twins for a moment and then back to Emmi, who has moved to stand in front of Peter, leaning back against his legs. “You look just like your dad,” Gen finally says after studying her face for a moment, a smile spreading across her face.

Emmi rolls her eyes, nodding. “Everyone tells me that,” She says quietly.

Gen smiles, then shifts her attention back to Peter and Lara Jean. “Well, it was nice to see you guys again. Glad to see it worked out between the two of you.”

Peter smiles. “Glad to see you’re happy too, Gen,” He says quickly, following Lara Jean down the aisle as Gen walks the other way.

“Daddy, who was that?” Emmi asks, tugging on Peter’s hand as they finish up the last of their grocery shopping and make their way towards checkout.

Peter shares a place with Lara Jean, sighs, and then glances down at his daughter. “We’ll explain it when we get home, okay?”

“Why not right now?”

“Emmi, the middle of the grocery store isn’t the place,” Peter sighs, looking down. “I promise you, I will tell you.”

“Fine,” Emmi relents, her disappointment soon forgotten about when Lara Jean needs help loading the groceries onto the checkout belt.

—

Lara Jean just barely manages to feed the kids dinner and get them bathed, relieved to hear that Peter has already taken control of Emmi and gotten her into bed to read before she goes to sleep. She walks by their door, expecting to hear reading and laughing, but instead hears a hushed conversation.

Peter lays next to Emmi in her bed, her head falling against his shoulder as he pulls her book off her nightstand. “Can we not read a book tonight?” She asks when he goes to flip to their bookmarked spot, turning so she can look at him. “I want to know who that girl was at the store today, Daddy. You promised you would tell me.”

Peter sighs, sinking back against the pillows. “You really want to know right now, Em?” He asks, watching her nod.

“I know you won’t tell me when we’re with the twins because they get into too much stuff and we have to watch them, and Mama won’t tell me either! Please Daddy, will you just tell me?” 

Chewing on the corner of his lip, Peter sighs. He knows that there’s a limited amount of ways that he can get out of this, and while it may relieve the pressure when Emmi’s supposed to be going to bed, he knows it’s only going to come with relentless questioning and asking about Gen until he finally gives in.

So instead he takes a breath, running his fingers through his hair and looking back at his daughter. “The girl we saw in the grocery store was named Gen,” He begins, setting the book back on the nightstand. “She’s Aunt Chris’ cousin.”

“She is?” Emmi asks, sitting up. “How come Aunt Chris doesn’t say anything about her?”

“We don’t always talk about our cousins, Em,” Peter laughs. “But she and Aunt Chris don’t really get along.”

“How come she knew you and Mama were married?”

Peter takes a breath. “Because when I was back in high school I dated Gen right before I started dating Mama the first time,” He explains. “And Gen was mad that I didn’t get back together with her instead of getting together with Mama.”

He’s hyperaware that most of this is going over his kid’s head, but Emmi nods along anyway and plays with Peter’s wedding ring, turning to look up at him again. “And then you and Mama broke up.”

“We did,” Peter nods, “But Gen and I were barely talking when that happened. And I wouldn’t have dated her again, I promise. All I wanted was to get Mama back.”

Emmi nods, twisting the ring and contemplating what she wanted to say next. Peter waits patiently, feeling Emmi’s head drop onto his shoulder. “She thought I was Mama’s kid.”

“You are, aren’t you?” Peter asks. “Did you not like that she didn’t say she adopted you?”

“I did like that she didn’t say it!” Emmi says quickly, sitting up. “But I didn’t know if she would say it.”

“She tells you all the time that you’re her kid, right babe?” He asks, watching her nod. “So you’re always going to be introduced as her kid, I promise.”

Emmi nods, relaxing and smiling. “Do you still love Gen?”

“I don’t,” Peter says without hesitation. He thinks about admitting that he’s not sure he ever really did love her, but feels that’s probably over Emmi’s head. “I’m so much happier with Mama, I promise.”

“Good,” Emmi nods, sinking back onto her pillows. “I like Mama way more than Gen.”

“You barely even met Gen!” Peter laughs.

Emmi shrugs, smiling. “I still like Mama better. She’s nicer and cooler and she’s my Mama,” Emmi says very matter-of-fact, smiling. “And Aunt Chris is the better one too! I didn’t think she would know Gen.”

Peter rolls his eyes, sitting up and leaning down to kiss Emmi on the forehead. “You can always ask me more questions later, but for now, bed,” He warns, watching Emmi nod as she leans up to hug him. “Love you forever, kiddo.”

“Love you more, Daddy,” She smiles, eyes following him as he turns out the light and slips out the door.

Lara Jean’s sitting on the sofa when Peter comes downstairs, a smile on her face. “All three of our kids went to bed with almost no drama,” She cheers, high giving Peter as he collapses on the sofa beside her.

There’s a lull in the room for a moment, and then Lara Jean turns to her husband. “It was weird seeing Gen again, huh? After so many years not hearing from her.”

Peter nods, running his fingers through her hair. “Reading time was replaced with a million questions about Gen tonight,” He admits. “I didn’t think I’d ever have to worry about seeing her again, as weird as that sounds.”

“It’s not weird,” Lara Jean says softly. “I thought we’d be the same way. Live our lives without her.”

Peter smiles. “Well, for the record, Emmi finds you much better than Gen. She said she’s glad I married you and not Gen,” He laughs. “I have to say I agree with her there.”

“That makes three of us,” Lara Jean smiles. She leans over, curling into his side. “What did Em say about her?”

“That she likes you better. You’re nicer,” He laughs. “She can’t believe she and Chris are cousins.”

Lara Jean sighs, head tipping back. “Gonna have to prepare Chris for a thousand questions on that,” Lara Jean teases, laughing. “Well, I’m glad she approves of me more.”

“You know Chris is going to agree with Em. They can talk about that,” Peter teases, smiling wider when Lara Jean laughs. 

There’s a hesitation, and then Lara Jean turns to look at her husband. “Do you think maybe you two would’ve found your way back to each other again?” She asks after a moment, sighing.

“I don’t know,” Peter admits. “She tried to contact me in college a few times after she heard you and I ended things,” He says softly. “I never went and saw her or anything, never even thought for a second about getting back together with her.”

“But you could have,” Lara Jean finishes, twisting to look up at him. “Why didn’t you?”

“She never made me feel the way you did,” Peter whispers, kissing Lara Jean softly. “I didn’t want to keep running back to Gen. All I wanted was you, and I knew that wasn’t possible in the months after we broke up. So I ignored all of Gen’s messages and prayed that you would take me back because I knew if I even gave Gen the time of day and you found out you would think I hadn’t changed. And then I distracted myself from not answering Gen by talking to girls at school or playing basketball in my free time or spending more time in the gym rehabbing my knee and throwing a lacrosse ball around with friends. Anything to get my mind off the fact that Gen was reaching out again.” 

Lara Jean smiles, crashing her lips against his. “I love you, and I’m so glad you didn’t go back to her,” She admits.

Peter laughs against her mouth, lips pressing to hers again. “Why, do you think that I would’ve married her if I found my way back to her?”

“A million percent,” Lara Jean says, leaning back and cupping his face. “I love you, but you crave familiarity in relationships. And you can say that we don’t count in that, but we fake dated for months before we really dated. You knew everything about me.”

Peter opens his mouth to protest, but is stopped when Lara Jean kisses him roughly. “Maybe you would’ve ended up with her, but I’m glad that it’s me you found again.”

Peter groans as she straddles his hips, wrapping his arms around her middle. “God, me too,” He agrees, pulling her closer.

Deep down, Peter knew it was always going to be Lara Jean. He’s just glad it worked out that way and he could prove to Gen that it all worked out in the end, just like she was so convinced it wouldn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for reading/commenting/leaving kudos! i didn't expect you guys to love the last one as much as you did, but i'm so glad!!
> 
> more next week! there's probably only a few more of these left :)
> 
> see you guys next sundayyy!
> 
> thank you for being the best <3 <3 <3
> 
> title of the chapter is from Memories by Maroon 5 :)


	26. I had the best day with you today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lara Jean and Emmi through the years.

_Five years old_

Lara Jean reads the text from Peter three times that reads that he and Emmi are on their way. She knows she doesn’t have much time before they arrive, but instead of busying herself by checking orders or working on more cookies for the following day she paces and cleans, only stopping when Chris steps out of her office.

“Peter is bringing Emmi here and I feel like this place has to have some sort of order to it,” She says quickly, looking at Chris.

“This place looks spotless for a bakery as it is, LJ,” Chris smiles, looking around. “I think you’re just nervous that Emmi is going to hate you.”

Lara Jean tenses, sighing. “That would be a deal breaker though, wouldn’t it?” She asks, looking back at Chris with wide eyes. “Like obviously if we don’t get along or Emmi resents me or something Peter is obviously going to pick her. Which he should.”

Chris rolls her eyes, pushing Lara Jean to sit in a chair. “You need to sit down and relax, LJ,” She smiles, standing in front of her. “Emmi is going to love you. Peter won’t have to choose between the two of you because you’re going to become best friends.”

“You sound awfully sure of that.”

“Because I am,” Chris shrugs. “You worry too much about things that are out of your control.”

“Hey,” Jenna says, poking her head in from the front. “Peter and his daughter are here.”

Lara Jean nods, promises she’ll be there in a minute, and then turns back to Chris. “I can’t do this.”

Chris sighs, holding her hands out for Lara Jean to take. “You can and you’re going to. There’s a five year old waiting to fall in love with you out there, and her dad who is probably still in love with you from all those years ago.”

Lara Jean bites back a smile, nodding and smoothing out her apron before walking out to the front.

—

Emmi is the spitting image of Peter.

If Lara Jean were to dream about a kid that would look just like him, Emmi is who she would’ve thought of. Long, curly hair, the lightest brown eyes that seemed to catch the sun in the same ways Peter do, and the most infectious smile that made Lara Jean’s heart skip a beat and somehow fall in love with her immediately.

Whatever worries she had about Emmi hating her all but dissipate when Emmi clambers up onto a stool next to her and immediately begins rolling out cookie dough with her. The tongue pokes out of the corner of her mouth as her hands rest on Lara Jean’s when they roll the dough, and quickly Lara Jean shares a glance with Peter, smiling.

She watches as Peter and Chris talk for a minute, grabbing the sprinkles from the table after they picked them out. “What is your dad’s favorite color sprinkle?”

Emmi contemplates it for a moment, reaching for the blue. “I think this one,” She smiles, holding it out for Lara Jean to open before gently pouring them across the now cut out cookie laying in front of her.

“I want you to come to our house!” Emmi says, turning to Peter. “Daddy, can Lara Jean come have dinner at our house?”

Peter glances at Lara Jean, smiling as he tells Emmi to ask her herself.

And without a second thought Lara Jean finds herself agreeing, leading Emmi to the sink to wash her hands and only letting it cross her mind for a brief second that she is in far deeper than she ever thought she would be so quickly.

_______________________________

_6 years old_

Emmi’s been learning a lot about marriage.

Like how her friend Noelle from class was the flower girl in her dad’s wedding to his new wife, and how that meant she got to stay up late and dance with everyone and eat cake until she fell asleep and her dad carried her to bed.

Or how it meant that Noelle’s stepmom moved in with them now, and how her things became their things and how everything changed but it made Noelle excited about it all.

Emmi recounted the stories over dinner in between mouthfuls of food, looking between both Lara Jean and Peter. And really, that should’ve been the first clue that Emmi would’ve wondered if they were going to get to that step, if she was going to be able to call Lara Jean mom.

But she doesn’t ask at first, at least not at dinner. And so it slips Lara Jean’s mind in between the ramping up of orders and the amount of things in her personal life she had been working on. And offering to babysit Emmi in that time just means more one-on-one time with the little girl she was hoping would be in her life forever so Peter can have some much needed time out with the guys.

Lara Jean makes popcorn and adds in M&Ms while Emmi picks a movie, crawling across the sofa to lean against Lara Jean when she’s sitting down. They settle on _Frozen_ , which Lara Jean is pretty sure she’s seen thousands of times at this point but loves it all the same.

The only indication that Emmi is still awake is her hand reaching into the popcorn bowl every few minutes, Lara Jean gently reminding her to chew before she takes another bite. And Emmi obliges, slowing down while Lara Jean holds the bowl on her lap, feeling the weight of Emmi heavy against her side.

“Lara Jean,” Emmi says, breaking the silence when the movie is almost over, “Are you going to marry Daddy one day?”

Lara Jean pauses, hand halfway into the popcorn bowl when Emmi is finished her question. She hesitates for a moment, unsure of what to say, and then sighs. “I think maybe one day, yeah,” She decides, because she and Peter _have_ talked about marriage and it’s definitely something they think is going to happen.

“Like soon?” Emmi presses, twisting so she’s facing Lara Jean, the movie long forgotten about.

Lara Jean laughs, smoothing her hand over Emmi’s curls. “That’s up to your dad, babe,” She says, moving the popcorn bowl to the coffee table in front of them. “He has to propose before we can get married.”

“I want him to do it now,” She smiles, falling down against Lara Jean’s chest. “I really want you to live here forever and be my mom.”

Lara Jean hesitates for a moment, chewing on the corner of her lip. “Me too, kid,” She says after a moment, letting her lips press to Emmi’s hair and their focus shift back to the movie, silently hoping that this is the beginning of years of little moments like these.

_______________________________

_15 years old_

In all honesty, Lara Jean had been preparing herself for Emmi’s first heartbreak. She’d been thinking about how she’d handle it, if Emmi would even want her, and what she would say to make it easier.

And then it happens, and it’s like everything she remembered Margot doing for her suddenly leaves her brain without a second thought. Because suddenly her daughter walks into the bakery near tears asking if she has to stay late that night or if they can leave, and without a second thought she’s making sure that Jenna and Nick can handle the last few hours before closing so she can be with Emmi.

“I’ll stay late today, you go home with Ems. She needs you more,” Chris mumbles when Lara Jean grabs her jacket from her office, to which Lara Jean thanks her profusely and promises she’ll buy her a bottle of wine for staying way later than she normally has to.

Emmi doesn’t talk the entire walk home, instead shoving her hands in her coat pockets as she walks beside Lara Jean. Lara Jean texts Peter to get the twins from school and take them out for a little while so she can have some alone time, promising that she can handle this and she doesn’t need him.

Emmi’s silent until they walk through the door, where she kicks off her shoes and hangs up her jacket, walking immediately into the living room and falling onto the sofa. Lara Jean leaves her be for a minute, making both of them mugs of tea and grabbing the container of cookies, walking out to the living room.

“Do you want to talk?” She asks, setting the container on the coffee table and extending Emmi’s mug of tea out to her, sitting beside her.

Emmi’s silent for a moment, taking a sip of tea before she emits a shaky breath. “There’s this boy at school, Drew,” She begins, sighing. “And he’s cute and I’ve been kind of friends with him but people told me that he was going to ask me to go to winter formal with him.”

Lara Jean’s heart twists when she feels where this story is going, leaning back against the cushions as she waits for her to continue.

“I kept waiting and waiting and when nothing happened I thought maybe I should just ask him,” She sighs. “I went to talk to him and he said that he never really had any intentions of asking me because he liked just being friends more than anything. And he already has a date.”

Emmi, who did her best to stop the tears from falling as her voice shakes, is no longer able to hold them back as she hastily wipes at her face, willingly falling into Lara Jean’s arms when she opens them for her. Lara Jean holds her for a moment, feeling as if she’s so young once more, and kisses the top of her head softly.

“I’m so sorry, Emmi,” She mumbles, because there’s really nothing more she feels like will help right now.

“’s not your fault,” Emmi mumbles, sniffling as she wipes her face with her sleeve. “I shouldn’t have been so stupid to think that he’d really ask.”

Lara Jean sighs, squeezing Emmi closer. “Ems, do _not_ say that, okay?” She says firmly, twisting her neck to look down at her. “Liking a boy and hoping that he really will ask you to the winter formal is not stupid. It’s normal, Emmi.”

Emmi nods, taking a shaky breath. “I really thought he would like me back,” She whispers, tears falling rapidly again.

“I know, Emmi, I know,” Lara Jean soothes, one hand running over Emmi’s back as she kissed her forehead. “But maybe you two being friends will end up working out better. You’ll have him in your life a lot longer.”

“I don’t know,” Emmi sighs, pulling herself closer to Lara Jean.

Lara Jean pauses for a moment, trying to formulate the right thing to say in her head. “Having your heart broken is awful, Ems, and I know that nothing I say is going to make you feel better right now,” She begins, shifting slightly as Emmi leans against her. “But this is not going to be the end of the world.”

“Ems, boys can be dumb, especially at your age. Do you think your dad had it all figured out when he was 15?” She asks, smiling when Emmi laughs and shakes her head. “And I know it hurts now and you feel dumb for thinking that he’d ask you or maybe embarrassed that he didn’t, it’s not the end of the world. Because I know for a fact that there’s going to be a million guys who will want to get to know the silly, thoughtful, and most caring person alive.”

Emmi nods, pulling back slightly to wipe her eyes. “I can’t still go to that dance and see him with another girl. He’ll just think I’m ridiculous for being there alone now.”

“He won’t,” Lara Jean says quickly. “Do you want to go to that dance with your friends?”

Emmi hesitates, then nods.

“Then you’re going to go that dance with your friends, Em. And we’re going to find you a pretty dress and new shoes and I’ll do your hair whatever way you want it. And you’re going to have the time of your life and realize that you do not need a boy to go have fun at anything you want to do.”

Emmi nods, taking a deep breath as she leans forward to hug Lara Jean. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you more, kiddo,” Lara Jean smiles, squeezing Emmi against her chest. “I promise you one day you’ll look, back on this and it’ll feel so small.”

Emmi smiles, sitting with her as they eat cookies and watch Food Network while savoring the time alone, and after deciding that they’ll just order pizza for dinner Lara Jean relaxes, slowly watching Emmi come back to her normal self.

She knows there’s more in the future, that this probably isn’t the last she’s heard about Drew, but for once she feels like maybe she does have the hang of parenting teenagers and she won’t ruin things or make Emmi hate her after all.

_______________________________

_16 years old_

Lara Jean mentions the letters in passing one afternoon.

She tells the story of how Peter received his because Aunt Kitty sent them out and how it was the beginning of everything, how there were four others for boys that she fell in love with but knew she could never act on the feelings, and how she most definitely didn’t still have any of the letters that were returned to her when Aunt Kitty sent them out.

She’s forgotten all about even telling Emmi about the letters until Emmi comes home from hanging out with Lila, sliding into the seat at the island as Lara Jean finishes decorating the twins’ cupcakes for their school bake sale.

“Do you remember telling me about the letters?” She asks, tapping her fingers against the granite. “Do you think they worked?”

Lara Jean raises her eyebrows, mixing the icing as she glances at Emmi. “I don’t think they hurt anything,” She decides. “I think it was good for me to get all my feelings out.”

Emmi nods, watching as she begins icing the cake. “So if I write one you think that wouldn’t be the worst thing?”

“Emmi,” Lara Jean laughs, “Obviously I think it’s a good thing. Did you want to write a letter to someone?”

Emmi hesitates for a moment before she nods, biting the corner of her lip. Lara Jean glances at her, laughing when she realizes she looks exactly like Peter in that moment, and then wipes her hands on her apron. “I have some stationary here that I use. Does this work for now? And then if you want we can go buy you your own.”

Emmi nods, smiling as she thanks her. She takes the paper and disappears upstairs, leaving Lara Jean to finish the cupcakes until Peter walks in the door, home from work late after some last minute projects came up.

“Why is it oddly quiet in this house right now?” He asks when he kisses the side of her head, setting his bag down on the stool and walking over to the fridge for his dinner leftovers.

“The twins are watching a movie because it’s Friday night and also because I needed them out of my way, and you’ll never guess what Em is doing,” She smiles, glancing back at her husband.

Peter raises his eyebrows as he turns the microwave on, shifting his attention back to his wife. “Is she even home?” He asks, nodding when Lara Jean nods. He thinks about it for a minute, shrugging. “I have no idea.”

“She’s writing a letter.”

Lara Jean watches as it takes Peter a minute, and then it registers. He leans his hand against the counter, laughing and shaking his head. “You’re joking.”

“I’m not,” She smiles, finishing off the last cupcake and moving to set them aside for the following day. “She came home from hanging out with Lila and was asking me all kinds of questions about them. I told her that she should try them and if she likes them then we’ll get her her own things to keep doing them.”

Peter smiles, nodding as he swipes at leftover frosting in the bowl. “I mean, those letters brought me to you. Maybe they’ll work just as well for her,” He shrugs. He turns back, pulling his dinner out of the microwave. “I’m going to watch the movie with the twins. You enjoy your alone time,” He smirks, kissing her before disappearing from the room.

Lara Jean busies herself by cleaning up the kitchen and washing the dishes she used, smiling when Emmi reemerges in front of her with the letter folded neatly in her hands. “I think it does work,” She decides, moving across the kitchen to grab an envelope from the cabinet. “I feel a lot better than I did before.”

Lara Jean smiles, leaning back against the cabinets. “See?” She smirks, wiping her hands. “Now, put the letter somewhere safe where the twins won’t find them, and you’ll always have them to yourself,” She says, kissing the side of Emmi’s head when she walks by, laughing at her groans.

She watches as she disappears from the room again, organizing the last of the things before joining them in the living room to watch the end of the movie. And while Lara Jean’s days of writing letters are long over, there’s something so settling about Emmi now carrying on that tradition that leaves a spot of warmth and contentment in her heart whenever she thinks about it.

_______________________________

_18 years old_

The Kavinsky house has been taken over by storage containers and suitcases.

Lara Jean struggles too think of where the time went, how suddenly that little 6 year old she met in the front of her bakery one winter morning has turned into an 18 year old spending her last night at home before she moves to college in the morning. How all this time felt so slow and so fast all at once, and tomorrow is the beginning of a huge change in their lives that they’d so desperately been trying to prepare for.

Emmi had spent the night saying goodbye to her friends before retreating to her room, where Peter and Lara Jean both gave her the space she needed. Peter had checked in on her after making sure the twins were in bed, getting ready for bed himself as Lara Jean decided to go make sure she was okay just to ease her own mind.

Emmi’s sitting up in bed when she knocks and opens the door, placing her book to the side. “Is Dad like, super worried about me?” She asks with half a smile on her face, smiling as Lara Jean comes to sit on the bed beside her.

“I don’t think so,” Lara Jean promises, smiling. “I just wanted to come make sure you didn’t need anything before we go to bed.”

Emmi looks around the room, shrugging. “I don’t think I’m forgetting anything,” She decides, her head falling onto Lara Jean’s shoulder. “Were you nervous the night before you left for college?”

“Terrified,” Lara Jean laughs, running her hand along Emmi’s arm. “I was scared about being far away from your dad and Kitty, and I thought maybe my roommate and I wouldn’t get along and going to North Carolina would’ve been a horrible mistake.”

“But it wasn’t,” Emmi finishes, pulling back just enough to look up at her.

“It wasn’t,” Lara Jean agrees. “Obviously Jenna and I got along great, I missed your dad more than anything, but a lot went into that, and I loved North Carolina. And you know what? I think you’re going to love George Mason just as much.”

Emmi nods, sighing. “I’m just going to miss you guys a lot,” She admits softly.

Lara Jean feels her heart break, reaching out for Emmi’s hand. “We’re going to miss you more than you could ever imagine, kid,” She promises, squeezing. “But we’re always going to be right here waiting for you. And you know whenever you need to come home you’re more than welcome.”

Emmi nods, letting the silence fill between the two of them. “You really think I’m going to be okay there?”

“More than okay, Ems.”

“How do you know?”

“Because you’re a Kavinsky,” Lara Jean smiles. “And you have it built in you that you make the best of every situation. That’s not going to change just because we won’t be with you. And sure, there are going to be bad days and bad situations in college, but everything passes. And we are always a phone call away if you need us.”

“And Dad will probably drop everything and come to me if I need him.”

“You don’t even need to wonder if that’s a thing, Em. We all know you could cough on the phone and he’d get in the car to come take care of you,” Lara Jean laughs, relaxing when Emmi laughs beside her.

“I love you, Mom,” Emmi smiles, turning to hug Lara Jean.

“I love you more, Emmi,” Lara Jean replies softly.

And as Lara Jean shifts to hug her back, pressing her against her chest the same way she did when she would calm Emmi down those first few months of living together, she finds that this is exactly where she’s always needed to be.

Maybe it wasn’t the most conventional circumstance. Maybe she had always envisioned her and Peter growing old together right from high school, but they found their way back to each other in the most miraculous of ways and Emmi was just the added bonus gift that Lara Jean doesn’t ever want to imagine her life without.

While things are about to change and Emmi is growing older right before their eyes, Lara Jean knows there’s no greater gift than being given the privilege of being her mom. And in her world, that’s all that really matters.

That Emmi feels safe and loved and realizes that no matter what happens, she’s always going to be waiting right there for her to come home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so so much for reading/commenting/leaving kudos! you're all the best :) 
> 
> i think next week is going to be the last one for these little one-shots before i step out of this universe and post something a little different! i'm sure i'll always come back to this universe when inspiration strikes, but i'm excited to post something that doesn't involve kids for a little :)
> 
> see you next week!! :) love you guys <3 <3 <3
> 
> title of the chapter is from The Best Day by Taylor Swift :)


	27. they don't make fairytales sweeter than ours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Lara Jean grow old together.

Time passes so fast and slow at the same time that Peter and Lara Jean almost don’t realize it’s happening.

Emmi graduates from high school with honors and spends the summer after spending time with her friends and working at the bakery when Lara Jean decides that she could use some help. Peter struggles the entire three months as boxes pile up and they buy the last of the things for her dorm, but finds it oddly rewarding as the college fades into the distance in the rearview mirror after they drop her off for the first time.

She decides to major in communications and meets a boy there named Carson, who she brings home to meet one weekend. Peter, who had always said that he was going to be tough on his kid’s significant others, finds that he loves Carson more than he ever thought he would as they spend the afternoon bonding over football and lacrosse.

“Can you believe she’s a junior in college?” Peter asks Lara Jean one day, helping with the last of dinner while Emmi and Carson watch the football game with the twins.

And Lara Jean just shakes her head, because she absolutely cannot believe that time is flying by so quickly without a second thought.

The twins grow and change in their own ways, but remain so much like their personalities from when they were first born that Lara Jean almost laughs every time she thinks about it.

Carter never really does come out of his shell, not that Lara Jean or Peter ever expected him to. He finds himself interested in reading and sports and how things work, and it comes to no surprise that he chooses physical therapy as his major when he realizes he can combine everything he loves into one. He and Peter spend their weekends watching football and throwing a baseball in the backyard, talking about school dances and graduation and how he thinks maybe he needs to live away from home to grow more.

He chooses to go to the University of South Carolina, a decision that takes Lara Jean a few days to adjust to when she hears the news. 

“I just thought out of all our kids, he’d be the one to stay so close to home,” She mumbles when Carter had excitedly made his decision, slipping out of the room to tell his friends the good news about sending in his deposit.

Peter smiles, kissing the top of his wife’s head, and watches as Olivia scrolls through her email looking for her own acceptance letter. “We still have one more,” He reminds her, feeling her nod against his chest.

Carter makes friends and has a few girlfriends here and there, but isn’t all that interested in something serious. Peter gives him tips on how to be a hopeless romantic, and Lara Jean feels that she could watch the two of them plot how to treat a girl right and have a good time during school dances, mostly because it brings her back to the days where Peter did all of that for her when they were in school.

Olivia, as it turns out, is the one that stays close to home. She chooses to go to University of Virginia, which pleases Peter to no end and leaves him time to endlessly brag about how one of their children chose his alma mater as their school.

Lara Jean rolls her eyes, signing off on the check to place the deposit. “She’s still an hour away.”

“But closer to our families,” Peter counters, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “And at my former college.”

“We get it,” Lara Jean laughs, kissing him before pushing at his chest, listening to his laughter all the way into the other room.

Olivia majors in psychology, which, after the initial shock, makes perfect sense to Peter and Lara Jean. She loves analyzing people and learning about the mind, and when she shares her intentions of becoming a therapist both of her parents can see it perfectly and realize they couldn’t have thought of a better profession for her if they tried. 

She has a few serious boyfriends here and there, but declares that college is the time for her to try new things. She doesn’t take anything seriously, and when she desperately tries to explain to Lara Jean that she’ll find someone when she finds someone, Lara Jean does her best to wrap her mind around her youngest not being exactly like she and Emmi had been.

Time passes both slow and fast, and Peter and Lara Jean learn to adjust to their new normal.

Lara Jean takes a step back at the bakery when Chris moves onto a different job with her now-husband James, citing that it feels like a good time. Peter supports her a million percent, begs her to take even more time, and then relents when he realizes that the bakery is still Lara Jean’s pride and joy. 

Peter accepts a promotion at his job, which ends up bringing more time for him to be at home and a little more flexibility. He and Lara Jean plan more date nights than ever before, and while their days of sitting in the Corner Cafe are long gone, Peter still finds that he’s so in love with the woman sitting across from him as the day they first started fake dating.

They take their first trip alone since their honeymoon when Carter and Olivia return to college for their sophomore years. Peter vows to not look at his laptop during the day, and Lara Jean relinquishes complete control of the bakery to Jenna for the week, promising that she’s available should they need something.

The couple spend the week in the Caribbean, warm sun beating down on their bodies and nothing to distract them for the entire stay. Lara Jean watches her husband, now greying at the temples, act the same way he did when they were in high school and feels her heart flutter against her chest, a smile permanently etched on her face. 

The house is quiet when they return home, something Lara Jean has never quite gotten used to. There have been times where she’s thought maybe they should downsize, but Peter always talks her out of it.

“It’s where we raised our babies,” He argues, kissing the side of her head. “And it’s where eventually they’ll bring their grandbabies. Maybe one day we’ll downsize, but I really like living here right now.”

And Lara Jean always agrees, chewing on the side of her lip as she nods. She looks around the house, the photos on the walls and the knick knacks that have changed over the years, everything telling a different story. And then she realizes that picking up and starting over would mean making new memories and finding new knick knacks, and so she decides that Peter is right. That staying here for right now, where they’re close to town and the bakery and just far enough that they don’t feel suffocated, a place where there’s definitely still memories to be made is the right decision for them in the moment.

—

After months of agonizing, thinking it over, and brainstorming how they were going to make it work, Lara Jean opens a seasonal bakery at the beach. It had been her dream since the first time she went there for the first time with Emmi and Peter, and as she stood there on opening day with her entire family there to support her, she realizes this is all she could’ve ever asked for.

“Remember when we said this was just some crazy dream of ours,” Peter smiles, wrapping his arm around his wife’s shoulders. “And now we’re standing in your bakery at the beach. Insane, right?”

“The most insane thing to happen to me,” Lara Jean laughs, watching as customers float in and out of the bakery, their three kids making their way back from the beach to join in on the celebrations.

Things start to change again when the twins graduate college. Both move back home, Olivia starts grad school while Carter gets a job saves money to be able to move out. Lara Jean welcomes the guests in the house again with open arms, and Peter, while taking a little longer than his wife, finds that he loves having them home again as well amongst the chaos.

But in perhaps what everyone was waiting for during that transition period, Carson does eventually propose to Emmi. He does it when they’re at the beach on vacation, their friends taking a million photos for Emmi to send back to her parents. Peter watches Lara Jean FaceTime with her after hearing the news, his mind flashing back to all those years ago when they FaceTimed his mom to tell her he and Lara Jean had gotten engaged.

Emmi was six then, smaller and fit perfectly in the crook of his arm as he laid on the sofa with her. Times were so different then, so blissfully unaware of what laid in front of them, but grateful to finally feel like things were changing. Peter knows those years as a single dad taught him more than he could’ve ever asked for, he knows that his life got infinitely better when he married Lara Jean.

Now he sits with his wife as they plan to have Emmi and Carson over to celebrate with them and the twins, listening to her talk about how she’s going to make Emmi’s favorite cupcakes and it’s going to be amazing having them all back under one roof for the long weekend.

Peter nods, tries not to get emotional thinking about how he’s giving his eldest child away at her wedding sooner rather than later, and somehow falls short as he shakes his head and blinks away the tears.

—

Most of the time Peter doesn’t think about how things have changed.

How those long nights with a restless Emmi in their tiny apartment turned into this beautiful life in a house filled with love, laughter, memories, and the woman he always thought he was going to marry.

How he agonized for years that there would be a day he won’t be enough for Emmi, that she’d need a woman in her life as she got older, and how he found Lara Jean when he thinks they both needed her the most. How Emmi took to her as if she had known her her whole life, and things fell into place in the most perfect of ways.

Things hadn’t been easy since they got married all those years ago. They filled their lives with memories watching all three kids grow up, taking vacations together, and savoring those little moments at home now that all three were in and out of the house, but the transition period is what Peter finds he loves the most.

Because the transition period is where Lara Jean and Peter reconnect again, and there’s little flashes of their old high school romance peeking through with each little gesture. He finds himself falling in love all over again and in different ways with his wife, who never stops being perfect in his eyes.

And as they spend the afternoon celebrating Emmi and Carson’s engagement with them, Peter feels his heart swell and his emotions take over as he and Lara Jean clean up the kitchen, their three kids and Carson laughing as they talk in the living room.

“It’s hard to believe they’re all adults, isn’t it?” Lara Jean smiles, walking over to hug her husband. “I feel like it was just yesterday we were watching the twins take their first steps in that same room.”

“I miss those days,” Peter admits, chin resting on top of Lara Jean’s head. “I know it was chaos back then, the twins going in a million different directions and Emmi adding onto that, but I miss it. I miss knowing that they were all here and they were all safe.”

And in so many ways, Lara Jean agrees. She finds herself needing to adjust to being more lenient, to realize that they can make their own decisions and they can take care of themselves. But this new stage of life is one that she finds herself loving, knowing that they’re all finding their way in the world and they parented them to the best of their abilities.

“I think we raised three really good kids,” She decides after a moment, pulling herself closer. “And I know it wasn’t always easy, and we’re definitely never going to be done parenting them, but I’m glad that I’m doing this with you.”

Peter looks down at her, glances back out to the living room where the kids are all laughing about something Carson said, and then turns back to Lara Jean, kissing her softly.

“There is no one else I would’ve rather done this life with,” He mumbles, his thumb brushing against her jaw.

Lara Jean smiles, kissing him softly. A wave of relief washes over her, one that makes her feel so sure and so settled about her life and everything they’ve been through together. The raising babies, sleepless nights, hardships and rough patches through their marriage. The celebrations, the opening of the new bakery, promotions and taking steps back at work as they get older.

Everything they’ve ever been through, they’ve always had each other right there to support the other. And Lara Jean knows for a fact there were moments she wouldn’t have gotten through without Peter, just as Peter knows there are moments that would’ve killed him without Lara Jean.

Things are going to change again. Emmi is going to get married, eventually the twins are going to move out, and Peter and Lara Jean will have to adjust again. But right now none of that matters. Nothing scares them, nothing is going to worry them about what will go wrong. Because they both know that no matter what, the other one is going to be right there ready to support them in whatever way they need it, the kids not far behind.

Lara Jean, Peter and the Kavinksys against the world, forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone who took the time to read/comment/leave kudos on this fic and the whole series in general. when i started writing it i could've never imagined this many people would love it, but i'm so glad you did! i'm sure i'll always come back to this little universe when there's inspiration :)
> 
> in a few weeks i'll start posting another fic outside of this universe that's more focused on just peter and lara jean :) hopefully you guys love that fic just as much as this one! 
> 
> thank you guys you're all the best <3 <3 <3
> 
> title of the chapter is from Take The World by Johnnyswim :)

**Author's Note:**

> i have no real timeline for these, but anytime i can post one/have an idea for one it will be posted! right now the aim is once a week. if you have anything you'd love to see in this little universe, you can definitely let me know in the comments or on tumblr! (babies are coming don't worry!)
> 
> you can follow me on tumblr [here](https://peter-covinskys.tumblr.com/) if you want :)


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